Dave Barry's 2012 Holiday Gift Guide

Saturday, November 24, 2012
http://onlineathens.com/features/2012-11-24/dave-barrys-2012-holiday-gift-guide

The holiday season is here: It’s time to do your gift shopping!

This is assuming, of course, that you live in 1985. If you live in the current year (2012), you’re too late. You were supposed to do your holiday gift shopping on Thanksgiving.

In the old days, Thanksgiving was not a shopping day. It was a day when we expressed gratitude for our many God-given blessings in the same way our Pilgrim forefathers did: by eating a 27,000-calorie meal, then spending the rest of the day lying motionless watching televised football while burping out gravy fumes.

Back then, Black Friday actually happened on Friday, which is how it got the name “Black Friday.” But then the Black Friday store-opening hours — probably as a result of global climate change — started creeping earlier and earlier. The stores opened at 10 a.m., then 6 a.m., then 3 a.m., and so on, until we reached the point where, this year, Black Friday actually began on Thursday evening.

So Thanksgiving is no longer a day of quiet reflective belching. The new Thanksgiving tradition is to gulp down your dinner, then race to the mall and join the vast swarming hordes of bargain-hunters getting into fistfights over discounted electronics.

And it’s going to get worse, as Black Friday Backward Creep continues. Soon the stores will open at noon Thursday; shoppers will eat their Thanksgiving dinners while waiting in line for the store doors to open — thousands of people squatting on the sidewalk outside Target gnawing on turkey legs, like a scene from a zombie movie, only not as festive.

And as Black Friday continues to creep backward, the time will come, inevitably, when we observe Black Friday on Halloween, and then July Fourth, and then Memorial Day, and so on, earlier and earlier, until we are observing Black Friday on Black Friday again, but it will be the PREVIOUS Black Friday, which will be so confusing that human civilization as we know it will collapse.

But my point is, if you’re just getting started now on your holiday shopping, you have already missed the mall bargains. That’s the bad news. The good news is, you’re still in time for our annual Holiday Gift Guide, which features a collection of unique gift items that you are not going to find at the mall, because not even holiday mall shoppers are desperate enough to buy these items.

As always, we want to stress that all of the items in the Holiday Gift Guide are really for sale; we know this because we purchased all of them ourselves, although not of course with our own personal money.

And as always, we stand behind these items somewhere between 110 and 135 percent depending on the item. That is why we are able to offer the following Quality Assurance Legalistic Guarantee of Limited Warranty: If you purchase any item from the Holiday Gift Guide, and for any reason whatsoever you are not completely satisfied, simply return the item to its original packaging, then bake it in a 375-degree oven until a toothpick inserted into the center bursts into flames. Serves six.
But enough with the legal boilerplate.

Let’s take a look at the items that “made the cut” for the 2012 Holiday Gift Guide, starting with:

‘THE WOOFER’ WEARABLE SOUND SYSTEM FOR DOGS
If there’s one thing that everybody agrees on, it’s that dogs do not make enough noise. Finally, thanks to technology, we have a solution to this problem, in the form of The Woofer. This is a dog coat with built-in battery-powered speakers and a place to plug in an iPod, so you can turn your pet into a walking boom box. Imagine how thrilled your dog will be when you strap it into this garment, then crank up the tunes! You’re sure to get many hours of enjoyment from The Woofer, until the day comes, as it inevitably will, when your dog rips out your throat.

• $100-$120 (includes shipping and handling) from www.thewoofer.com
Suggested by Martha Kokes of Burlingame, Calif.

NFL PRO TOASTER
If you’re a pro football fan, you probably show your support for your team in the usual ways: going to the games, drinking $12 beers, yelling obscenities at the officials and vomiting on the people sitting in front of you. And that’s fine, as far as it goes. But if you want to be a REAL fan, you need to show your support in the most meaningful way of all: with toast. And to do that, you need the NFL Pro Toaster. This amazing appliance uses advanced toaster technology to burn your team logo right into your toast. Then you can either eat it or — better yet — take it with you to the game and wave it with pride. The other fans will be deeply impressed. That’s how drunk they are.
• $27.95 plus shipping and handling from The Lakeside Collection, PO Box 3088, Northbrook, IL, 60065-3088; (847) 444-3150; www.lakeside.com
Suggested by Terri Card of Corvallis, Ore.

ARTIFICIAL GRASS FLIP-FLOPS
How would you like to experience the feeling of walking barefoot on synthetic turf even when you’re not actually walking barefoot on synthetic turf? For centuries, this was just a dream of humanity. But now it’s a reality, thanks to these flip-flops, which are like regular flip-flops, except they have artificial grass where your feet go. When you put these on, you immediately notice a big difference. For one thing, people will be staring at your feet. Ignore them. They are just jealous.
These are the official flip-flops of the United States Supreme Court.
• $30.59 plus shipping and handling from www.kusashoes.com
Suggested by Jeff Meyerson of Brooklyn, N.Y.

SQUIRREL, CHICKEN MASKS
Have you ever found yourself in a meeting at work when you wanted to fall asleep, or make faces at other meeting participants, but you can’t because you need to remain employed? If so, you, or some employed person on your holiday gift list, could definitely use one of these masks. These are large rubber masks that cover your entire head. You can see out, sort of, through the eye holes, but nobody can see in. So you appear to be an attentive, interested, meeting-attending squirrel or chicken, no matter what you are actually doing with your face in there.
FACT: Many airline pilots wear these on international flights.
• $21.69 and $26.25 plus shipping and handling from www.amazon.com
Suggested by Jan Mangan of Aromas, Calif.

TOILET TATTOOS
If you’re like most people, it has been a long time since you remarked: “That is certainly a visually interesting toilet seat!” The sad fact is that most residential commodes feature boring, “ho-hum” seats. But that no longer has to be the case, thanks to Toilet Tattoos, which are removable vinyl decorations you can stick onto your toilet seat. They come in a variety of stock themes, including toilet-training cartoons, monograms and some very tasteful Christmas and Chanukah images. Or you can design your own Toilet Tattoo. Here at the Gift Guide we had one made from a photograph of the great entertainer Barry Manilow. Every time we look down at our toilet, there’s Barry, looking up at us. He has never looked better.
• $9.95-$24.99 plus shipping and handling from Lena Fiore Inc., 1039 Riviera Way, Macedonia, Ohio 44056; (330) 468-3226; www.toilet-tattoos.com.

INFLATABLE UNICORN HORNS
Do you have cat lovers on your holiday list? If so, here’s a gift that is sure to make them say: “What?” It’s an inflatable unicorn horn for cats. And if you know anything about cats, you know how much they, as a species, enjoy being dressed up as mythical figures. To use this horn, you simply blow it up and attach it to your cat’s head with elastic straps. Then it’s time to sit back and enjoy the ensuing hilarity for several lighthearted nanoseconds. And then it’s time to go to the emergency room.
• $5 plus shipping and handling from Archie McPhee and Co., 10915 47th Ave. W., Mukilteo, WA 98275; (425) 349-3009; www.mcphee.com
Suggested by Jon Harris of Christiansburg, Va.

EMERGENCY UNDERPANTS DISPENSER
This is a convenient dispenser box that contains five pairs of emergency unisex underpants. It makes a perfect holiday gift for people who occasionally lose control of their bodily functions, or cause others to do so. Picture this scenario: A business executive calls a longtime employee into his office and says: “Fred, I have to let you go. If you feel this news will cause you to soil yourself, feel free to take a pair of spare underpants from this box.” This is exactly the kind of heartwarming gesture that makes the holidays what they are.
This year, give the precious gift of peace of mind. Give emergency underpants.
• $6.95 plus shipping and handling from Archie McPhee and Co., 10915 47th Ave. W., Mukilteo, WA 98275; (425) 349-3009; www.mcphee.com
Suggested by Terri Card of Corvallis, Ore.

MEGA PLUMBER ACTION HERO
Do you have a child on your holiday gift list? If so, we’re certain that child will be very surprised to receive this item. It’s the Mega Plumber Action Hero, and it’s sold by American Standard, a leading manufacturer of commodes. The Mega Plumber stands 6 inches tall and comes with a miniature toilet. Tragically, he does not come with a miniature visible butt crack. Nevertheless we’re sure he’ll provide hours of quality entertainment for any child who enjoys fantasizing — and what child does not? — about unclogging drains. We think American Standard should come out with additional plumbing-related action figures, including villains who could be Mega Plumber’s arch-enemy, such as The Leaker, Big-Wad-of-Toilet-Paper-Flushing Woman and Hairball.
• $10 plus shipping and handling from American Standard Plumber Protects League, 1 Centennial Plaza, Piscataway, NJ 08855-6820; (800) 442-1902; www.plumberprotects.com
Submitted by Janice Gelb of Melbourne, Australia

TRAILER-HITCH-MOUNTED STRIPPER POLE
The big problem with conventional stripper poles is that they are attached to strip clubs, which are large heavy buildings and therefore difficult to transport. This severely limits a stripper’s ability to relocate his or her pole quickly in the event of an emergency, or to make a house call. That is why we are so excited about this product, which is a solid-steel stripper pole on a platform that mounts on a standard vehicle trailer hitch. This means that the pole can be moved to anywhere the vehicle can go. Theoretically, it also means that the stripper could do a pole dance in traffic. We don’t know if that would be legal, but it should be. If we had more strippers pole-dancing on our highways, we would have a lot fewer drivers looking down at their phones and texting. In other words, this item could actually be beneficial to highway safety. It could also bring some much-needed levity to funeral processions.
• $449 plus shipping and handling from Platinum Stages, 1582 Monrovia Ave., Newport Beach, CA 92663; (866) 857-6537; www.platinumstages.com
Suggested by Sharon Lurie of Antioch, Tenn.

‘ON THE GO’ CHARACTER INFLATABLE POTTY SEAT
If you’re a parent of young children, there’s one thing you could definitely use when you take your kids out to public places: drugs.
No! Sorry! We do not mean that. What we mean is, you could definitely use this inflatable potty seat. Instead of making your child sit directly on a public toilet that has, for all you know, been used by some disgusting disease-ridden pervert or United States senator, you can simply inflate this potty seat, using your mouth, then put it on the toilet seat for your child to sit on. Then you simply deflate the potty seat and burn it, because you’re not going to want to keep it around, let alone reinflate it.
Bonus: This item can also be worn as a hat.
• $11.95 plus shipping and handling from www.amazon.com
Suggested by Peter Metrinko of Gainesville, Va.


Dave Barry is a humor columnist for the Miami Herald. Write to him c/o The Miami Herald, One Herald Plaza, Miami FL 33132.

Why 'Black Friday' Has Dark Roots

ALAN GREENBLATT
November 23, 2012
http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2012/11/21/165662876/why-black-friday-has-dark-roots

Black Friday may not yet be a bigger holiday than Thanksgiving, but it certainly has a bigger marketing budget. Retailers may have needed it to overcome the term's long and negative history.

And that's well before you get to talk of striking Walmart workers, or violence involving impatient shoppers in recent years.

Older generations may still associate "Black Friday" with the stock market crash of 1929, which triggered the Great Depression. But the connotation of financial distress dates back even further, to the collapse of the U.S. gold market on Sept. 24, 1869.

"The term Black Friday survived to be used again and again for various disasters and unfortunate events, including a 1910 incident in England where police assaulted several hundred suffragettes at a protest," notes Richard Townley in The Washington Times.

What does any of this have to do with shopping? Perhaps nothing. But even the earliest references to Black Friday as a post-Thanksgiving retail spree were negative.

The term appears to have originated about 50 years ago among police in Philadelphia inconvenienced by downtown crowds kicking off the holiday shopping season. Those crowds added to congestion from traffic in town for the Army-Navy football game, which in that era was generally played in Philly the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

Black Friday "was not a happy term," department store historian Michael J. Lisicky told CBS News last year. "The stores were just too crowded, the streets were crowded, the buses and the police were just on overcall and extra duty."

Even a sales manager at the department store Gimbels in Philadelphia back in 1975 acknowledged the term's negative connotation and link to traffic headaches. "That's why the bus drivers and cab drivers call today 'Black Friday,' " she told The Associated Press, while watching a policeman struggle with a crowd of jaywalkers. "They think in terms of the headaches it gives them."

"Prior to the mid-1980s, the term 'Black Friday' was always used for some calamitous event," columnist Paul Mulshine wrote in New Jersey's Star-Ledger. "All of that negativity makes sense. 'Black Friday' has a naturally gloomy sound to it."

Of course retailers have long since embraced it, holding that the "black" in "Black Friday" is borrowed from accounting, meaning they hope to get "in the black" for the year by dint of holiday sales.

Some accounts credit this meaning to Peter Strawbridge, president of Strawbridge & Clothier, a now-defunct retailer that was based in Philadelphia.

But it doesn't seem that Strawbridge himself liked "Black Friday" much.

"It sounds like the end of the world, and we really like the day," he told The Philadelphia Inquirer back in 1984. "If anything, we should call it 'Green Friday.' "

My Thanksgiving – A Turkey Sandwich at WalMart

Alan Grayson
alangrayson@graysonforcongress.com
Sat, 24 Nov 2012

A Hug, for Courage.

I did not spend Thanksgiving evening with my wife and my five children. I spent it, instead, handing out turkey sandwiches to workers in WalMart. And showing my support for one brave soul who walked off the job in protest against exploitation.

WalMart "associates" make an average of just more than $10 an hour. That means that if they manage to get a full 40 hours a week - and many don't - they get paid $1,700 a month, before taxes. Somehow, that is supposed to pay for their food, shelter, clothing and medical care, and that of their children. Quite a trick.

In state after state, the largest group of Medicaid recipients is WalMart employees. I'm sure that the same thing is true of food stamp recipients. Each WalMart "associate" costs the taxpayers an average of more than $1,000 in public assistance.

How underpaid are WalMart employees? This underpaid: if every one of them got a 30% raise, WalMart would still be profitable.

WalMart employees in the United States are not unionized. WalMart has used every trick in the book to prevent its employees from organizing. In 2005, in Canada, WalMart closed a store that had voted to go union. Recently, in Orlando, WalMart fired an employee who had just talked about unionizing. When he came back into the store, many days afterward, to say hello to his former colleagues, they handcuffed him.

It's time to do something about this.

So on Thanksgiving, knowing that WalMart employees were missing dinner with their families, we walked into the local WalMart and handed out dinner to them. We gave them a paper bag that had three things in it: (a) a turkey sandwich, (b) a bag of chips, and (c) a letter explaining their right to organize.

There were two points to this. One was to inform the workers of their rights. And the other was to demonstrate to them, vividly, that they are not alone.

The WalMart manager had the police escort us out of the building. For handing out sandwiches. And for showing WalMart employees that they are not alone.

One brave "associate," who had had enough of this mistreatment, walked out with us. Which is her right, under the law, to protest WalMart's unfair labor practices. In fact, a while back, 200 employees walked out of a WalMart store, all at the same time. That really shook up the bosses.

By the way, she made sure that she finished serving her customer before she left. She's that kind of person. WalMart actually could use a few more like her.

I showed my support. I gave her a hug.

And so it begins. WalMart accounts for more than ten percent of all of the retail sales in the United States. It is the largest private employer in the world, with more than two million employees. And even though those employees comprise barely ten percent of its cost of doing business, WalMart exploits them mercilessly. Now WalMart employees are starting to organize, starting to fight back.

Who will win? I don't know. But I do know whose side I'm on. And I know that I'm not alone.

Courage,

Rep. Alan Grayson

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving

http://www.retroland.com/a-charlie-brown-thanksgiving/

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving
November 22, 2010

Thanksgiving is a time of traditions, and for kids of the past few decades, one of the most beloved of them, besides the behemoth meal, is curling up in front of the television to watch the classic animated special, A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Created by master illustrator Charles M. Schulz and filled with all of his colorful Peanuts characters, this seasonal cartoon has delighted kids for over 35 years.

Charlie Brown is the kid that can never catch a break and, unfortunately, Thanksgiving is no different. Although he already has plans to visit grandma with his sister Sally, it seems that everyone else has invited themselves over to Charlie’s for dinner, and he isn’t exactly a gourmet chef. They thumb their nose at his offering of toast, pretzels, popcorn and jelly beans, while he almost misses his date with grandma. Luckily, grandma invites Charlie and his friends over to her place for a more traditional dinner, leaving Snoopy and Woodstock by themselves to gorge on a feast fit for a king.

First aired in 1973 on CBS, the annual special moved to ABC in 2000, along with the other Peanuts holiday favorites. Sometimes it airs directly on the holiday, and other years, a few days before. Either way, it is one of those cartoons we have come to expect each time the holiday season rolls around and, thankfully, continues to be passed down from generation to generation.

Last Thoughts Before the Turkey Comes Calling...

A letter from Michael Moore
Thursday, November 25th, 2010

Friends,

As I head off for Thanksgiving, I wanted to share a final thought with you about this past week's news regarding the health care executives who sat around that table in Philadelphia four years ago and decided on a course of action to, if need be, "push Michael Moore off a cliff."

Having spent the week reading all their secret documents (and the book "Deadly Spin"), it's clear that there was something far more scary to these companies than me.

They were, in fact, scared of you. They were afraid YOU would end up pushing them over their own greedy cliff.

Yes, they spied on me and my family in the hopes of finding something with which to smear me and my film, "Sicko." Finding nothing (sorry, guys, I live a pretty boring life), they then resorted to the old chestnuts that have been hurled at me by General Motors, the Bush White House, the National Rifle Association and others since my first film 20 years ago, and they essentially boil down to this:

"Don't listen to him! He hates America! He hates our way of life! He's not telling you the truth! He plays fast and loose with it! Patriots, don't waste your good money to see his movie!"

And it's that last message that's at the epicenter of their biggest fear. Back in 2007, these health insurance companies believed that if you strolled inside a theater showing "Sicko", their golden goose would be cooked.

They knew, according to former health care exec and whistleblower Wendell Potter, that the truth was up there on that screen -- and the LAST thing they wanted was for millions of Americans to be exposed to it.

Why? Well, we need look no further than the document containing their own secret directive on how they should deal with the movie:

"[We Must] Prepare for the Worst Case...SiCKO evolves into a sustained populist movement."

There it is. Their biggest fear. Their "worst case" scenario. That YOU, the American public, would rise up against them. I wasn't their worst nightmare -- you were. Their own research and private polling showed that you were getting fed up with how they were screwing you, gouging you, ripping you off, denying you coverage and flat out just kicking you off the insurance. They knew, according to Potter, that they were killing 45,000 of you every year simply by denying you coverage.

We Americans don't like people who kill us. We're the kind of people who will throw billions of dollars and the mightiest military on earth at just one guy because he killed just 2,977 people. What would we do if we discovered who's killing 45,000 of us every year? How fast would we act to sever the head of that beast?

You don't need to answer that question because the executives of the country's health insurance conglomerates already know it -- it's their big "What If", followed by an even bigger "Holy Shit." "What If the millions of average Joes and Janes ever got it together enough to bring us all down, to end our profiting off the misery of others? What If the citizenry one day begin electing representatives who couldn't be bought and who would end our for-profit health insurance racket?" Holy shit, indeed.

Yes, they feared that day more than anything else, and a movie coming out before a big election year with two popular Democrats pushing for some vague version of universal heath care was all that was needed to get Big Insurance to spend millions of dollars to attack me. These corporate kingpins knew they had pushed their luck too far and now they were worried that a movie -- a movie! -- could ignite a "populist movement."

All that money spent smearing me because they thought you would get up from your theater seat and start a revolution.

It's a great compliment to you. They fear the power you have. But that's 'cause they're good at math. They know there will always be more of us than there are of them. And unless they can repeal "one person, one vote," they know they are doomed. In the meantime they will try to maintain the power they have by buying off politicians, dumbing us down, distracting us with Dancing/Ice Skating/Drinking with the Stars and getting us so scared we'll acquiesce to having naked pictures taken of us at airports this Thanksgiving weekend. Over the river and through the body scan, to grandmother's house we go...

So let us give thanks today that the richest 1% begrudgingly know that we are still, on paper at least, in charge. It is, I believe, a glimmer of hope of what we could possibly accomplish in the coming new year.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
MichaelMoore.com

Stoner Cooking: Chinese sausage and sticky rice stuffing

http://www.salon.com/food/kitchen_challenge/2010/11/15/chinese_sausage_and_sticky_rice_stuffing_open2010
Monday, Nov 15, 2010
Chinese sausage and sticky rice stuffing
Making a place for Chinese cuisine at Thanksgiving with this toothsome and savory rice stuffing
Linda Shiue

This entry to the Salon Kitchen Challenge comes to us from Linda Shiue. We haven't had a chance to try it out yet, but we'd love to hear about it if you do!

This is a story about Thanksgiving traditions and my hidden talent. (More on the talent later.) Those of us who can't trace our ancestry to the Mayflower are left to create our own Thanksgiving traditions. As a result, I think I had the best Thanksgivings of anyone I know. What made this holiday so special in our house was the ever-changing, motley international crew my family hosted each year. My parents were scientists at a national research laboratory. Their institution attracted scientists from around the world, who would come to work alongside their American-based (if not American-born) colleagues for any time from weeks to months or even years. While Thanksgiving at our house was not necessarily traditional, we did embrace its ideal of bringing together people from different backgrounds for friendship and mutual understanding. We also embraced the turkey. It took its rightful place as the centerpiece of the meal, complete with the ritual carving done by my father with an electric knife given to my parents on their wedding in 1965. The same knife is still being used to this day for this purpose, just once a year.

We served the turkey, but did not love it. Chinese cuisine has no place for such a big bird, and ovens are rarely used by home cooks. Still, it was understood that Thanksgiving required a turkey, so there it was. Ours was basted with a soy sauce marinade but otherwise resembled the turkeys "everyone else" had. This is where the similarities ended. Surrounding the turkey on the table would be stir-fried greens and several other Chinese dishes that my parents actually enjoyed eating, unlike the turkey. We'd have two types of stuffing, an American bread-based version, and a Chinese version, made of sticky rice, shiitake mushrooms and Chinese sausage. That was my family's contribution.

The fun really began with the various pot luck offerings our international guests would bring to share. It wasn't necessarily food of their own culture, but it was never American, either. For example, I remember the deep-fried, but somehow light, Swedish rosettes brought by Rose, who hailed from Manila but was married to a Swede. The first samosas I tasted came from Sakura, who herself had learned how to make them from an Indian visitor in Tokyo. Srinual, a native of Bangkok, made a vinegary antipasto. We'd sit around the table or wherever there was space, and share food and stories. All in English, the universal language, but in a wild variety of accents. Most of the time people understood one another, or at least, enough. The nights would be filled with fascinating tales of faraway lands, and lots of laughter.

This is where my hidden talent became important. You see, I can understand foreign-accented English, from almost any origin. I do not mean this in any disparaging way. I am proud of this skill, because it is extremely useful. I am the person who ends the discomfort that arises when two people, ostensibly speaking the same language, ask each other to repeat what the other said over and over, gaining no more clarity each time. I "translate." My talent may not be as impressive as being fluent in several foreign languages, but I think it's possibly even more helpful. Since Esperanto never really took off, most of the world has given in to learning English to speak to one another, with variable success.

In a few weeks, I'll be meeting my new niece and nephew for the first time. I know I can't expect my brother, the new dad, to make the turkey this year. In past years he has made Turducken (why?) and a deep-fried turkey, but I think his hands are otherwise occupied this Thanksgiving. We won't be hosting any international guests this year -- those twin babies will be more than enough excitement. But our family would make a pretty good U.N. delegation on its own, representing the United States, Taiwan, Trinidad, China and Korea. And while our accents may range from Chinglish to Korean to Trinidadian to "I don't have an accent" and even a bit of Long Islandese and California girl thrown into the mix, fear not. Remember, I can understand anyone's English. I'll translate.

Chinese sausage and sticky rice stuffing

This is the stuffing I hope my mom will make on Thanksgiving. Besides the toothsomeness of the sticky rice, it has the richness of mushrooms and chestnuts, the fragrance of rice wine, and the slightly sweet succulence of the Chinese sausage. The fried shallot garnish adds flavor and crunch, much like the fried onions on that other Thanksgiving staple, the green bean casserole. You can eat this rice stuffing on its own, but it is truly amazing when it's been cooked in the turkey.

Special note: This rice needs to be soaked for several hours or even overnight, so prepare in advance.

Makes about 8 cups, enough to stuff a medium-size turkey, and then some.

Ingredients
•3 cups sticky rice (also known as glutinous or sweet rice)
•1 ½ cups (about 8) dried Chinese black or shiitake mushrooms
•3 Chinese sausages, diced
•1 cup roasted chestnuts (in Asian markets, you can buy roasted and peeled chestnuts in a foil bag)
•2 tablespoons canola oil
•1 tablespoon ginger, finely minced
•2 garlic cloves, finely minced
•1/3 cup Chinese rice wine (may substitute dry sherry)
•1 tablespoon soy sauce
•1 tablespoon Chinese vegetarian stir-fry sauce or oyster sauce
•2 teaspoons sesame oil
•½ teaspoon ground white pepper
•2 cups chicken or turkey broth
•garnishes: chopped scallions and Chinese fried shallots (available in Asian markets)

Directions

1. Soak rice in cold water, about an inch more than enough to cover. Allow to soak for at least six hours or overnight. While rice is soaking, soak mushrooms in a separate bowl in very warm water for at least half an hour. When softened, remove stems and coarsely chop.

2. Drain soaked rice in a sieve and rinse with cold water.

3. Heat oil in a large, heavy pan or stock pot and stir-fry garlic and ginger for several minutes. Add diced sausage and cook for a few minutes. Add drained and rinsed rice, stir and fry for a few minutes. Add mushrooms. Add wine, broth and all seasonings and bring to a boil. Adjust seasonings to taste (may need more soy sauce or some salt). Make sure to stir periodically because sticky rice is, well, sticky. Add chopped chestnuts and gently stir into the rice mixture.

4. Lower heat to a simmer, cover pot and allow to steam, undisturbed, for 20 minutes. Resist the temptation to peek under the lid. At this point, rice should be fully cooked and can be used to stuff the turkey. If it seems too dry stir in more broth until moistened. If preparing to eat without stuffing in turkey, stir contents and then replace lid. Remove from heat and allow to sit for 10 minutes before serving.

5. Garnish with scallions and fried shallots, if desired. Excellent with turkey gravy.

X-Entertainment.com: Best Holiday Entertainment Site

Hands down, the best site to find great pop culture articles on the Thanksgiving and Christmas season (as well as the just ended Halloween season) Check out X-Entertainment.com at:

http://x-entertainment.com/

Taking Global Warming Personally

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathy-freston/taking-global-warming-per_b_74497.html

Kathy Freston
Taking Global Warming Personally (and Shedding Some Holiday Weight at the Same Time)
November 28, 2007

Read More: Climate Change, Garden Protein, Global Warming, Intergovernmental Panel On Climate Change, Reasons To Be a Vegetarian, Thanksgiving, United Nations, Vegetarian, Vegetarians, Breaking Living News

After the tradition of Thanksgiving overindulgence, wouldn't it be nice if we had a good reason other than vanity to start eating healthfully, some other incentive to help us get on a better track in the wellness arena? Luckily, the United Nations just gave us one.

The U.N.'s latest report on global warming has bad news and good news. On the downside, a lot of scary stuff is heading for us at breakneck speed. On the upside, we still have time to do something about it -- and one thing we can all do is actually fun and delicious.

The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, a panel of thousands of the world's top climate scientists, has described the existence of human-caused global warming in its final assessment report as both "unequivocal," and as having "abrupt and irreversible" effects on global climate. Worse still, these effects are coming stronger and faster than expected in the panel's last report just six years ago. Alarmingly, some effects that had been predicted to arrive decades from now are already here.

The report warns that hundreds of millions of people are threatened with starvation, flooding, and weather disasters. Rain-fed crop production will fall by half, a quarter of the world's species will go extinct, and arctic ice will completely disappear during the summer. We will see more deadly heat waves, stronger hurricanes, and island nations completely obliterated from the map by rising sea levels.

And the good news is...?

Fortunately, there's still time to save ourselves -- but not very much time. The U.N. says point blank: "immediate action is vital." According to the report, we have just a few more years left to avoid the worst effects of global warming.

A problem of such scale will require governments, industries, and private citizens to work together to address what many believe to be the greatest challenge of our time. As with most solutions, the approach must be varied and come from all angles to really make the kind of quantum difference that is necessary. Here's but one -- albeit one of the most powerful -- way to add to the momentum of a turnaround: eat a plant based diet. Give up eating animals and go vegetarian. Seriously.

A U.N. report from just this past November found that a full 18% of global warming emissions come from raising chickens, turkeys, pigs, and other animals for food. That's about 40% more than all the cars, trucks, airplanes, and all other forms of transport combined (13%). It's also more than all the homes and offices in the world put together (8%).

So, one of the simplest and most elemental (and most delicious) things you can do to decrease your carbon footprint is to choose a veggie burger over a hamburger, "un-chicken" patties (try Garden Protein, the new and much talked about faux chicken/turkey) over actual chicken, or some grilled Portobello mushrooms with marinated tofu (I swear it's really good!). Order the vegetarian option whenever you go out to a restaurant -- and ask everywhere you go that they expand the vegetarian section on their menu, since it's good for owners of restaurants, hotels, airlines, etc. to know that there is consumer interest for tasty plant-based entrees.

I'm all for participating in the myriad things we can do to assist turning back the tide on human-made global warming: writing to a corporation about being environmentally responsible, turning off unnecessary lights and keeping the heat or a.c. on "low", voting for the politicians who will lead us into cleaner living, and driving a smaller more fuel efficient car. But on an ongoing more fundamental level, we can make a huge shift by simply eating differently. Being vegetarian is being green.

Eating a plant-based diet isn't just kind to animals and good for your health (and waistline!), it is also the single most effective thing you can do to reduce your carbon footprint.

We can each think creatively about how to use our roles in our families, jobs, and social circles, and join as part of the solution to this serious global threat.

With so much at stake, it's the least we can do. After all, the U.N. says there's still time if we act now. Surely that's something to be thankful for.

Capitalism Day

The Konformist now officially dubs the day after Thanksgiving as "Capitalism Day" to celebrate the greatest economic system known to mankind. How do you celebrate Capitalism Day? Easy. You buy things.

Midnight openings grow, but not all retail on board

http://www.reuters.com/article/ousivMolt/idUSN0932353820071109

Midnight openings grow, but not all retail on board
By Nicole Maestri
Fri Nov 9, 2007

Mall operators are betting the early bird gets the worm during this year's Thanksgiving holiday shopping weekend.

More shopping malls plan to open at midnight on Thanksgiving night, holding events like "Merry Midnight Madness," to kick off the competitive three-day holiday shopping weekend.

In an extreme example, Fashion Outlets of Las Vegas said its 100 designer outlet stores will be open on Thanksgiving Day from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m.

But not everyone is jumping on the open-early bandwagon.

The Friday after Thanksgiving, Wal-Mart Stores Inc will open the doors at its discount stores that are not open 24 hours a day at 5 a.m. -- the same as last year.

Circuit City Stores Inc will also open its stores at 5 a.m., the same time as it did a year ago, while Best Buy will still open at 5 a.m. but close at 10 p.m. -- an hour earlier than last year.

"It's a long day by that time. Were we gaining enough by that last hour to justify keeping everybody there another hour?" a Best Buy spokesman said. "This year, we decided to try closing at 10 and let people go home and get some rest."

TRYING TO KICK-START SALES

The holiday season is crucial for retailers because it can account for between 25 percent and 40 percent of their annual sales. Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, is consider the official start of the holiday shopping season.

Retailers have started opening their doors ever earlier on Thanksgiving weekend and touting eye-popping deals to try to garner sales at the start of the holiday shopping season.

"There's this new level of frenzy associated with it, and it's turned into sport," said Candace Corlett, a principal with consulting firm WSL Strategic Retail.

This year Simon Property Group Inc will hold "Midnight Madness" events at 38 of its Chelsea Premium Outlet Centers, up from 26 a year ago. Tanger Factory Outlet Centers will also host midnight events at 22 of its shopping centers, compared with eight a year ago.

General Growth Properties will open 12 of its malls at midnight this year, up from seven a year ago.

Wally Brewster, senior vice president of marketing and communications for General Growth, said more malls and their stores are opening a midnight because it has been shown to boost sales over the three-day holiday weekend.

"It's a bit of a 'me-too"' phenomenon, said Linda Shea, global managing director of customer strategies at Opinion Research Corp.

But she said retailers need to make sure the investment pays off, and they are not filling their stores with tired employees, who would rather be sleeping than helping customers with their holiday purchases.

"In a market where the forecasts are not great for the holiday season, I suppose the hope is, 'Well, if we just start earlier, we just let them know earlier'," we'll win sales, she said. "But all of that costs money."

BETTER SALES? WE'LL SEE

The early openings come as retailers are on pins and needles, worried that the housing market meltdown, credit crunch, and higher food and fuel prices will crimp consumer spending this holiday.

Corlett said the early openings are retailers' attempts to try to grab shoppers' dollars before their wallets slam shut or they spend their limited budgets at a competitor's store.

"There's something very serious going on here and that is this panic among everyone in the business that shoppers are going to run out of money," Corlett said.

But she said the gimmicks will not necessarily convince shoppers, who may be facing higher mortgage payments or declining home values, to accumulate more debt than they were planning this holiday.

Instead, analysts expect Thanksgiving will only mark the start of what will be a highly promotional season, and the battle among retailers to ring up sales after a lackluster autumn and eke out holiday profits will extend until Christmas Eve.

"There is virtually no momentum coming out of September and October as we head into the thick of the holiday shopping season," Retail Metrics President Ken Perkins wrote in a note. "Retailers have their work cut out for them over the next 6-8 weeks."