Group Therapy for Those Who Have Marlboro Man Hallucinations

http://blog.lavacocktail.com/2010/08/24/group-therapy-for-those-who-have-marlboro-man-hallucinations.aspx

Group Therapy for Those Who Have Marlboro Man Hallucinations
Posted by Lava Cocktail at 8/24/2010
Categories: Humor
Tags: Marlboro Ronald McDonald

(editor's note: This article appeared in The Wave-a Clear Channel publication on the west coast. I was surprised they ran it.)

Jaye Beldo of Lake Havasu, Nevada, has started a support group for people who suffer from what he calls Advertising Affliction Disorder. "One of the first full ­blown AAD experiences I had was when I was stuck in traffic and I saw the Marlboro Man jump out of a billboard and start rounding people up on the sidewalk and herding them into the terminal illness ward in a nearby hospital," explains Beldo. "I was on a radio show in Canada the other day and a caller said that she had a dream about having sex with Ronald McDonald and that it was great, so I'm not alone in this."

Beldo claims that the most frequent advertising icons to "visit" people with AAD are the Marlboro Man, Ronald McDonald, the Pillsbury Doughboy and Joe Camel. Common symptoms of AAD include the inability to appreciate art, music, literature and the inability to relate to others in a human way. Beldo claims that many AAD sufferers attempt to cure their depression, apathy and indifference through consumerism. "For me, the most annoying symptom is a growing inability to distinguish between advertising and politics. The other night I watched George W. Bush morph into the Tidy Bowl Man and back into himself again, over and over, until I just gave up trying to stop it."

Beldo believes many AAD sufferers start with hallucinations of just one corporate mascot,then gradually develop a larger repertoire of visitors. "I had nine advertising icons such as Palmolive Madge, Mr. Clean and Mr. Whipple make up the Supreme Court during one rather unpleasant evening when I was trying to get to sleep," said a sorrowful Beldo. "I forced myself out of that unpleasant vision, but realized that it wasn't really all that far from the truth considering that we have a bogus president in office now because of the Supreme Court's ruling on the so-called 2000 election."

"Most of the time, single icons haunt me, but they will interact with other icons or political figures such as the Pillsbury Doughboy sodomizing John Ashcroft with the Patriot Act, or maybe it was the other way around."

Beldo says that the psychiatric community at large has not embraced the perils of his condition, but he encourages those who suffer from this affliction to contact him at aadfree@aol.com to share their stories and to organize group therapy sessions. "It wouldn't surprise me to see some drug available on the market next year to 'cure' it," Beldo speculates. "No doubt they'll have some kind of mascot to promote the AAD remedy - a pill with arms and legs like the California Raisins."