How to identify political parties

This little old lady calls 911. When the dispatcher answers she yells "Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a doggone Democrat on my front porch and he's playing with himself!":

"What?" the dispatcher exclaims.

"I said, there's a daggone Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and he's weird. I don't know him and I'm afraid. Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.

"Well now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"

"Because, you dang fool, if he was a Republican, he'd be screwing somebody!"