Zeroes for the Zeroes
Robert Sterling, Konformist.com
http://robalini.blogspot.com/
11-25-2010
If there's one thing people love, it's lists. And after the end of each decade, a common thing to do is come up with a list of the greatest movies of the decade.
At The Konformist, we've decided to take the opposite tactic. Let others celebrate the best of the decade, we're going to focus on the worst. Here then, on the first Thanksgiving of the new decade, is The Konformist list of the top 25 Turkeys of the 2000s.
First, lets define this list: a Turkey movie is one that is not merely bad, but is an icon of bad film. These are movies that people cite and often seek for their innate badness. Thus, it can be argued that being a Turkey is a good thing. As the saying goes, "Love me or hate me, you can't ignore me." These are movies that can't be ignored.
Please note that this isn't a personal list, which would be quite different. Instead, this list is based on a secret mathematical formula, which includes information from IMDB.com, RottenTomatoes.com, BoxOfficeMojo.com and Razzies.com, along with Google and Yahoo searches. In cases where more than one movie in a series would make the list, the best (or worst) example of the series is cited, with the others receiving honorable mention.
Enough said. Gobble gobble!
25. 10,000 BC (2008)
Director Roland Emmerich is best known this decade for making dumb but entertaining blockbusters, such as The Patriot, The Day After Tomorrow and 2012. (This is a formula he perfected in 1996 with Independence Day.) 10,000 BC is his dumbest and least entertaining movie of the zeroes. Bonus Turkey points for not having the good sense to include a Racquel Welch lookalike prancing around half-naked.
24. Norbit (2007)
Less than a year after nearly winning an Oscar for Dreamgirls, Eddie Murphy won three Golden Rasberry Awards for his three rolls in this stinker that buried a potential career comeback.
23. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
One dumb action film inspired by a comic book series can be fun, but a sequel? Not so much. Wisely, 20th Century Fox chose not to screen this movie to critics.
22. Glitter (2001)
A movie so bad, it nearly destroyed Mariah Carey's career and probably fueled her emotional breakdown. A tragedy for the greatest vocal talent this side of Whitney Houston over the last 25 years, that makes the film the equivalent of Bobby Brown on crack.
21. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
Not that the first Angels film was a masterpiece, but at least it was entertaining. This sequel wasn't, and helped cement McG as one of the most notorious hack directors around.
20. Ultraviolet (2006)
Milla Jovovich is an actress whose beauty matches her immense talent. Unfortunately, because of her beauty, she rarely gets the chance to use it in film, and this sci-fi clunker is the worst example of wasting her skills.
19. Scary Movie 2 (2001)
When did the creators of In Living Color become not funny? This is the film where the Wayan Brothers jumped the shark. A sequel for the more entertaining first movie of the series, it helped pave the way for future Wayan stinkers like White Chicks and Little Man, as well as the entire Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer Blank Movie series.
18. Pearl Harbor (2001)
The movie that has defined the career of director Michael Bay, for better and worse. Okay, for worse. Bonus Turkey points for being mocked in Team America: World Police.
17. The Happening (2008)
When the Zeroes began, M. Night Shyamalan was the hot promising director, courtesy of his clever plot twist flick The Sixth Sense. Each movie that followed was worst than the previous one, climaxing with this bomb starring Marky Mark. It now seems no plot twist can save his career.
16. Dragonball Evolution (2009)
If George Lucas earned hatred for Episodes 1-3 by Star Wars cultists, he's lucky not to face the wrath of the anime fans. Dragonball Evolution gets major bonus Turkey points for being so despised by such a large and devoted Internet community.
15. You Got Served (2004)
How did a film this lousy inspire a "Dance Movie" fad after its release? Bonus Turkey Points for including K-Fed in its cast.
14. Wicker Man (2006)
Ten years after winning the Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas, Nicholas Cage starred in this remake of a horror classic. It exemplifies how his name has become code for "respected actor trading in his cred for easy money in pure schlock."
13. Son of the Mask (2005)
Eleven years after The Mask helped make Jim Carrey a star, this sequel was released without him. Poor Jamie Kennedy was left holding the bag.
12. Crossroads (2002)
Marrying K-Fed, being singled out by Michael Moore for mockery in Fahrenheit 9/11 and her infamous VMA Awards performance certainly are lowlights of the downward spiral Britney Spears had this decade. Still, starring in one of the worst movies from the Zeroes certainly qualifies as one of her top "Jump the Shark" moments. Bonus Turkey points for singing her version of "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" in the flick.
11. BloodRayne (2006)
Turkey auteur Uwe Boll just misses the top 10 with this crappy film based on a video game. Don't worry, there's more where this one came from.
10. Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009)
A Jonas Brothers concert? The worst use of 3D technology ever. Bonus Turkey points for the purity rings.
9. From Justin to Kelly (2003)
American Idol may be the most popular TV show of the decade, but it didn't translate well to film. In 2005, named the worst musical of the past quarter century by the Golden Raspberry Awards.
8. House of the Dead (2003)
The second Uwe Boll video game adaptation to make this list, this is the film that introduced the world to Boll's unique talents.
7. The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)
Any film starring Paris Hilton is almost begging to be put on this list. We've decided not to disappoint the makers of this dud.
6. Alone in the Dark (2005)
The third and highest ranked video game adaptation from Uwe Boll on this list. This crapperpiece can be summed it one sentence: Tara Reid as an archaeologist and museum curator. Sorry Tara, but you're no Harrison Ford.
5. Catwoman (2004)
Halle Berry won a Best Actress Oscar (the first for any African-American woman) for her performance in Monster's Ball in 2001. In 2002, she became the sexiest Bond girl this side of Ursulla Andress. Two years later, she starred in this kitty litter of a movie, and her career hasn't been the same. Bonus Turkey points for being directed by a French guy named Pitof.
4. Gigli (2003)
The movie that melded Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez into one, something that will haunt both of them for the rest of their lives. The Golden Raspberries named it the worst comedy of the past quarter century in 2005. Bonus Turkey points for the worst line of dialogue from the decade, when J.Lo attempts to seduce Ben with "Gobble gobble."
3. Twilight: New Moon (2009)
A Turkey which is unique in that nearly half of its audience didn't even want to see it. Seriously, has there ever been a movie where this many guys were dragged to by their girlfriends and forced to endure? The first Twilight was bad enough, but this one gets bonus Turkey points for the whole "Team Edward or Team Jacob" marketing plan. (Although it must be said that Taylor Lautner does have nice abs.)
Dishonorable Mention: Twilight (2008)
2. Battlefield Earth (2000)
Roger Ebert put it best: "Something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies." Nuff said. The Golden Raspberries named it the worst drama of the past quarter century in 2005 and worst film of the decade in 2010.
And finally:
1. Epic Movie (2007)
Sorry, Travolta, but you've been topped in decade stinkerdom. The winner is this entry from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in their atrocious Blank Movie series, which has surpassed Police Academy as the worst film series in movie history. They're all terrible, but Epic Movie deserves special note as the film that made the whole Blank Movie series a fad that couldn't be ignored
Dishonorable Mention: Date Movie (2006), Meet the Spartans (2008), Disaster Movie (2008)
Hope you enjoyed this list, and feel free to watch some of these movies with some tasty turkey leftovers this weekend!
Showing posts with label Uwe Boll. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uwe Boll. Show all posts
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Beast of the Month - March 2009
Beast of the Month - March 2009
Uwe Boll
Grade Z Movie Director
"I yam an anti-Christ..."
John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) of The Sex Pistols, "Anarchy in the UK"
As March begins, 650,000 more jobs were lost in the USA during February, meaning a total of over four million jobs have been lost in the past year: unemployment stands at 8.1 percent nationally. Meanwhile, the Dow Jones dipped below 7000, a drop of over 50 percent rate, which means any investor in the DJIA who bought on margin at peak would have absolutely nothing left. This may not be the end of the drop: some respectable forecasters predict the Dow Jones will bottom out as low as 5000. It's gotten so bad economically, the disastrous war in the Middle East has become basically an ignored story at this point. But never mind Iraq, Afghanistan, subprime loans or massive layoffs and bankruptcies, clearly there is one story more important than any other: what The Bachelor's sleazy contestant did to those two girls!
Okay, The Konformist can't pretend it's above frivolous stories. But even among the depraved standards of the korporate media, the recent wallowing in the tales of The Bachelor, the Octomom, Alex Rodriguez on steroids and Chris Brown smacking up Rhianna stinks of sheer desperation. It's almost as if the establishment is looking for anything to distract people from the ongoing economic crisis. Oh, look, Dancing with the Stars & American Idol are back on TV!!!
But in the end, The Konformist must relent: there's only so much depressing news even we can surf through on the Internet before throwing up our hands, shouting "No mas!" and turning on the Playstation for another round of Grand Theft Auto or Guitar Hero.
Yes, people need their bread & circuses to feed an appetite for distraction, especially when things go bad. And so it is in this spirit that The Konformist has decided to slack off this month and give the Beast of the Month trophy not to some slimy politician, creepy CEO or swindling Wall Street titan, but rather to someone involved in the world's biggest bread & circus arena, the art of cinema.
Sorry, Michael Bay, but you are no longer the worst director on the face of the planet. (And not just because your last two films - the underrated sci-fi action flick The Island and the shamelessly entertaining summer blockbuster Transformers - were both actually very good.) No, that title is now in the hands of a semi-obscure filmmaker: German auteur Uwe Boll, The Konformist Beast of the Month.
Boll's claim to fame is making schlock with barely coherent plots, acting that is completely unconvincing and filming techniques that show a stunning lack of any basic level of competence. Thanks to this, his films have been a staple of IMDB.com's "Bottom 100" list for worst movies of all time. It doesn't hurt that his movies are made in English rather than his native German, meaning he shoots with dialogue he apparently barely understands. This point was underscored in a hilarious article at SomethingAwful.com by Blair Erickson, a treatment writer for one of Boll's works. In between barking demands for "big gun battles" and "car chases" Boll showed a complete lack of command over English. Erickson concluded after one of Boll's email rants: "Yes, I know English is not his first language, but Jesus Christ, I'm not even sure this man has a first language."
His notoriety began in 2003, when, in House of the Dead, he finally found his niche: adapting video games into really, really bad movies. He followed that formula up in 2005 with what is (for now at least) his master crapperpiece, Alone in the Dark, a movie with badness that can be summed up in one sentence: party girl Tara Reid as an archaeologist and museum curator. (Sorry Tara, you may have been great as porn star Bunny Lebowski in the Coen Brothers' finest masterpiece, but Harrison Ford you are not.) In 2006, he followed it up with yet another lousy videogame-based flick, BloodRayne. All three movies (especially Alone in the Dark) would be on the short list for most bad-movie aficionado’s worst movie of the decade.
In 2008, he had an amazingly productive year in turgid films even by his standards. He had four movies with limited release in US theaters (Far Cry, Postal, 1968: Tunnel Rats and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale) and two (Seed and BloodRayne 2: Deliverance) that went straight to video. Making his output even more impressive, 1968: Tunnel Rats and Seed stretched his cinematic boundaries, as both, rather than being terrible adaptations of video games, were instead merely terrible movies inspired by non-video game material. For such an impressive amount of lousy celluloid output, he was nominated for Worst Director by the esteemed prize of bad filmmaking, The Razzies (which are awarded the day before the Oscars in Hollywood.) He was also nominated for Worst Supporting Actor thanks to his performance playing himself in Postal, which used Boll's limited talents to best effect yet by having him shot in the genitals.
Unfortunately for Boll, he had his huge bowel movement of cinematic gifts the same year as The Love Guru and the Paris Hilton vehicle The Hottie and the Nottie. It seemed quite plausible that Boll, who previously had been snubbed twice for Worst Director, would lose yet again.
(Making it even more difficult for Boll is that there are many bad film snobs who insist he is no longer the worst director on the planet, that the title has already been taken over by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. The tag team auteurs behind the ultralame "Blank Movie" series, it is the worst collection of alleged humor found outside a Police Academy marathon on Comedy Central or a Paulie Shore film festival.)
Not to be deterred, the Razzies decided to make sure he didn't go home empty-handed: even before the award presentation, it was decided he'd receive a Lifetime achievement award. As it turned out, he needed no such special prize, as he won the Worst Director trophy after all.
Of course, two awards from the Razzies is just part of his infamy at this point: there is actually a website named UweBollIsAntichrist.com in his honor. As far as Internet cults for bad directors go, the only name that compares to Boll at this point is Ed Wood of Plan 9 from Outer Space fame.
Yes, poor Ed Wood, a name who until Boll was always the punch line inserted when giving a director the ultimate insult. Being portrayed by Johnny Depp in Tim Burton's 1994 masterpiece (based on the Feral House book Nightmare of Ecstasy) perhaps finally earned him some belated respect, but the unfair mockery continues. Indeed, allegedly some defenders of Boll insist he is merely a misunderstood modern day Wood. (The Konformist says "allegedly" here because, as far as we can tell, there aren't any Boll defenders who actually exist.)
And to be fair, there is a nugget of truth in comparison. After all, say what you will about Michael Bay at his worst (or the wannabe Michael Bays like McG and Brett Ratner) but he and his clones are at least technically proficient. Boll, like Wood before him, certainly can't claim any such gifts.
But there are two noted differences between Boll and Wood. To begin with, Ed Wood had a good excuse for his technical incompetence: he never was provided with anything besides the most meager of budgets to make his films. Compare that to the financing Boll has been given as a blank check: House of the Dead, $12 million; Alone in the Dark, $20 million; BloodRayne, $25 million; and In the Name of the King, an astounding $60 million. How does Boll continue to get funding for his flicks, even though none of them have had any box office success? Some may suspect it has something to do with the bad taste of his homeland Germany, a nation that's had as its two most beloved men over the past century David Hasslehoff and Hitler. Alas, it isn't German tastes which are to blame, but rather their tax laws: the nation's tax code allows investors in German productions to write off all losses completely, creating the perfect tax shelter. So it seems that while Boll may lack cinematic genius, he is a visionary businessman.
The bigger difference between the two is more elemental: as noted at UrbanDictionary.com about the comparison between the two, "Wood was enthusiastic but inept, an earnest director whose vision as an artist greatly outstripped his meager abilities as a filmmaker. Boll's films are driven by cynical exploitation of German tax law that allows a movie to make money even when it fails at the box office. He is better thought of as a real-life Max Bialystock from The Producers, a movie in which a Broadway producer attempts to make money by intentionally staging a massive flop, Springtime for Hitler." Allen Varney in EscapistMagazine.com compared the two further: "Though both Wood and Boll are often described as totally inept, Wood is, in fact, selectively inept. Films by truly incompetent directors are hard to follow and boring. Wood's movies, with their nutty plots and miserable production values, nonetheless flow smoothly from scene to scene; his storytelling is, for the most part, technically decent (that is, you know where you are in the narrative); and his ludicrous lack of taste can be mesmerizing. Show Glen or Glenda to an audience. Their initial stunned disbelief quickly turns to joy. They watch with enthusiasm throughout and rapturously cheer the ending. Boll's audiences sometimes cheer too; they're relieved the film is finally over."
Faced with such nasty criticism, Boll has responded in a rather innovative way: specifically, by beating his critics to a bloody pulp. Boll actually did this in 2006, challenging some of his critics to a boxing match and punching them silly in a PR stunt. (Granted, a profession that has included Rex Reed and Leonard Maltin isn't filled with the most intimidating guys ever, but it still was an undefeated run.)
Which leads to a little devil advocacy in defense of Boll, for reason's which include the plausible fear he may try to kick our ass if we don't. After all, as incompetent of a buffoon Boll may be, is he really what is wrong with the movie industry right now? Isn't he just a scapegoat for an even greater evil brewing from Hollywood? (And no, we're not talking about Larry the Cable Guy.)
The real answer to what is wrong with today's movie industry can be found, in all places, a mildly positive review by Roger Ebert of the 2004 biker flick Torque. (A pretty underrated movie, BTW, and worthy of a spot on your Netflix queue.) While Ebert enjoyed the movie for what it was, he couldn't help but make this observation: "Hollywood genres have undergone a fundamental flip-flop. Low-budget pictures are now serious and ambitious and play at Sundance. Big-budget exploitation work, on which every possible technical refinement is lavished, are now flashy and dispensable and open in 3,000 multiplexes."
Ebert isn't exaggerating. While Boll's In the Name of the King $60 million budget is nothing to sneeze at, it hardly represents an abnormal amount. Most blockbuster films now have budgets of over $100 million, and that is before the marketing costs are factored in.
Nine figures is a huge amount, and a very risky investment. How has Hollywood dealt with the giant gamble that is behind big budget movies? The most obvious way is through repetition via the creation of franchises and multiple sequels. Granted, sequels weren't created in the 21st century, but the usage of them has become far more widespread and concentrated. As a result, no film since 2002 has topped the annual North American box office chart that wasn't a sequel, and that was the franchise-creating Spider-Man. Indeed, you have to go back to when Clinton was president to find a non-franchise film that topped the annual BO charts. Even more telling, of the top 25 films in North American gross this decade, only two are non-franchise flicks. (And even those two exceptions prove the rule, as one is Finding Nemo from Pixar, an animation studio that can be viewed as a franchise in its own, and the other was Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ, based on the New Testament, which - sorry The Godfather II, The Empire Strikes Back and The Dark Knight - is, hands down, the most successful sequel in the history of mankind.)
The Konformist doesn't mean to sound like cinematic snobs here: after all, the 2008 summer was dominated by three quality franchise films in The Dark Knight, Iron Man and the unfairly maligned Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And certainly both Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings trilogy have huge deserved followings in their own right. But all this money and energy being devoted to derivative works is unprecedented. Indeed, the 2007 summer was so loaded down with lesser third parts of the Shrek, Spider-Man and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises that a Michael Bay film inspired by eighties-era robotic action figures seemed like a breath of fresh air for its originality in comparison.
True, there's a few directors (among them Michael Moore, Christopher Nolan, Clint Eastwood and, though he's been a tad desperate to win an Oscar, Martin Scorsese) who've consistently made great movies the last ten years. Still, though it is hard to judge an era artistically while in the middle (or even the end) of it, it is fair to say that the zeroes are the worst decade in film of the modern day era that began in the sixties. This is no accident: whatever the flaws of Peter Biskind's book Easy Riders, Raging Bulls, his basic thesis was correct, that Hollywood executives became so clueless about what was popular in culture, they gave directors more of a free reign than ever before, to the benefit of movie fans everywhere. Forty years later, and the pendulum has clearly swung too far in the opposite direction, as the suits now have way too much control. Which is why The Konformist suspects this decade won't be remembered for the franchise flicks but the low-budget movies that took a chance: Donnie Darko, About Schmidt, Fahrenheit 9/11, Brokeback Mountain and, from last year alone, The Wrestler and Slumdog Millionaire.
The irony is that even in the franchise films, you can see how rebellion against the system can lead to success. Two noted examples are the favorite movie hero and villain of the decade, Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow and Heath Ledger's posthumous turn as The Joker. At first, Depp's unorthodox character decisions in Pirates of the Caribbean freaked out producers who feared it would ruin the movie's commercial prospects: as it turns out, his gutsy performance won him a Screen Actors Guild prize for Best Actor and was central to the billion dollar success of the series. Meanwhile, Ledger's violently anarchic take on The Joker was even more daring than playing a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain, and his Oscar-winning performance has passed even the likes of Jack Nicholson, Cesar Romero and Mark Hamill as the definitive Joker. And, like Pirates of the Caribbean, commercial success was the reward, as The Dark Knight is the decade's biggest box office hit.
Of course, there's only so much originality that can come from movies inspired by comic books and amusement parks. And that's why we suspect (or at least hope) a big change may be coming to Hollywood sooner rather than later. The high concept franchise blockbuster is about as tired as a hair metal ballad in 1991. Eventually, someone is going look at the state of Hollywood and notice something that smells like teen spirit. And maybe along the way someone will have something to say about the current state of affairs, from the mass manipulation of 9/11, the failed Iraq War, and the current economic crisis. Until then, Uwe Boll may be the least of our problems.
In any case, we salute Uwe Boll as Beast of the Month. Congratulations, and keep up the great work, Uwe!!!
Sources:
Thanks to IMDB.com, RottenTomatoes.com, BoxOfficeMojo.com, Razzies.com, RogerEbert.com, UweBollIsAntichrist.com and Wikipedia.org for research help on this article.
Erickson, Blair. "Behind the Scenes: Uwe Boll and Uwe Boll's Alone In the Dark." Something Awful 2 February 2005 <http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/behind-scenes-uwe.php>.
"Uwe Boll." Urban Dictionary <http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Uwe+Boll>.
Varney, Allen. "Boll vs. Wood." The Escapist 23 January 2007 <http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/67985-Boll-vs-Wood>.
Uwe Boll
Grade Z Movie Director
"I yam an anti-Christ..."
John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) of The Sex Pistols, "Anarchy in the UK"
As March begins, 650,000 more jobs were lost in the USA during February, meaning a total of over four million jobs have been lost in the past year: unemployment stands at 8.1 percent nationally. Meanwhile, the Dow Jones dipped below 7000, a drop of over 50 percent rate, which means any investor in the DJIA who bought on margin at peak would have absolutely nothing left. This may not be the end of the drop: some respectable forecasters predict the Dow Jones will bottom out as low as 5000. It's gotten so bad economically, the disastrous war in the Middle East has become basically an ignored story at this point. But never mind Iraq, Afghanistan, subprime loans or massive layoffs and bankruptcies, clearly there is one story more important than any other: what The Bachelor's sleazy contestant did to those two girls!
Okay, The Konformist can't pretend it's above frivolous stories. But even among the depraved standards of the korporate media, the recent wallowing in the tales of The Bachelor, the Octomom, Alex Rodriguez on steroids and Chris Brown smacking up Rhianna stinks of sheer desperation. It's almost as if the establishment is looking for anything to distract people from the ongoing economic crisis. Oh, look, Dancing with the Stars & American Idol are back on TV!!!
But in the end, The Konformist must relent: there's only so much depressing news even we can surf through on the Internet before throwing up our hands, shouting "No mas!" and turning on the Playstation for another round of Grand Theft Auto or Guitar Hero.
Yes, people need their bread & circuses to feed an appetite for distraction, especially when things go bad. And so it is in this spirit that The Konformist has decided to slack off this month and give the Beast of the Month trophy not to some slimy politician, creepy CEO or swindling Wall Street titan, but rather to someone involved in the world's biggest bread & circus arena, the art of cinema.
Sorry, Michael Bay, but you are no longer the worst director on the face of the planet. (And not just because your last two films - the underrated sci-fi action flick The Island and the shamelessly entertaining summer blockbuster Transformers - were both actually very good.) No, that title is now in the hands of a semi-obscure filmmaker: German auteur Uwe Boll, The Konformist Beast of the Month.
Boll's claim to fame is making schlock with barely coherent plots, acting that is completely unconvincing and filming techniques that show a stunning lack of any basic level of competence. Thanks to this, his films have been a staple of IMDB.com's "Bottom 100" list for worst movies of all time. It doesn't hurt that his movies are made in English rather than his native German, meaning he shoots with dialogue he apparently barely understands. This point was underscored in a hilarious article at SomethingAwful.com by Blair Erickson, a treatment writer for one of Boll's works. In between barking demands for "big gun battles" and "car chases" Boll showed a complete lack of command over English. Erickson concluded after one of Boll's email rants: "Yes, I know English is not his first language, but Jesus Christ, I'm not even sure this man has a first language."
His notoriety began in 2003, when, in House of the Dead, he finally found his niche: adapting video games into really, really bad movies. He followed that formula up in 2005 with what is (for now at least) his master crapperpiece, Alone in the Dark, a movie with badness that can be summed up in one sentence: party girl Tara Reid as an archaeologist and museum curator. (Sorry Tara, you may have been great as porn star Bunny Lebowski in the Coen Brothers' finest masterpiece, but Harrison Ford you are not.) In 2006, he followed it up with yet another lousy videogame-based flick, BloodRayne. All three movies (especially Alone in the Dark) would be on the short list for most bad-movie aficionado’s worst movie of the decade.
In 2008, he had an amazingly productive year in turgid films even by his standards. He had four movies with limited release in US theaters (Far Cry, Postal, 1968: Tunnel Rats and In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale) and two (Seed and BloodRayne 2: Deliverance) that went straight to video. Making his output even more impressive, 1968: Tunnel Rats and Seed stretched his cinematic boundaries, as both, rather than being terrible adaptations of video games, were instead merely terrible movies inspired by non-video game material. For such an impressive amount of lousy celluloid output, he was nominated for Worst Director by the esteemed prize of bad filmmaking, The Razzies (which are awarded the day before the Oscars in Hollywood.) He was also nominated for Worst Supporting Actor thanks to his performance playing himself in Postal, which used Boll's limited talents to best effect yet by having him shot in the genitals.
Unfortunately for Boll, he had his huge bowel movement of cinematic gifts the same year as The Love Guru and the Paris Hilton vehicle The Hottie and the Nottie. It seemed quite plausible that Boll, who previously had been snubbed twice for Worst Director, would lose yet again.
(Making it even more difficult for Boll is that there are many bad film snobs who insist he is no longer the worst director on the planet, that the title has already been taken over by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. The tag team auteurs behind the ultralame "Blank Movie" series, it is the worst collection of alleged humor found outside a Police Academy marathon on Comedy Central or a Paulie Shore film festival.)
Not to be deterred, the Razzies decided to make sure he didn't go home empty-handed: even before the award presentation, it was decided he'd receive a Lifetime achievement award. As it turned out, he needed no such special prize, as he won the Worst Director trophy after all.
Of course, two awards from the Razzies is just part of his infamy at this point: there is actually a website named UweBollIsAntichrist.com in his honor. As far as Internet cults for bad directors go, the only name that compares to Boll at this point is Ed Wood of Plan 9 from Outer Space fame.
Yes, poor Ed Wood, a name who until Boll was always the punch line inserted when giving a director the ultimate insult. Being portrayed by Johnny Depp in Tim Burton's 1994 masterpiece (based on the Feral House book Nightmare of Ecstasy) perhaps finally earned him some belated respect, but the unfair mockery continues. Indeed, allegedly some defenders of Boll insist he is merely a misunderstood modern day Wood. (The Konformist says "allegedly" here because, as far as we can tell, there aren't any Boll defenders who actually exist.)
And to be fair, there is a nugget of truth in comparison. After all, say what you will about Michael Bay at his worst (or the wannabe Michael Bays like McG and Brett Ratner) but he and his clones are at least technically proficient. Boll, like Wood before him, certainly can't claim any such gifts.
But there are two noted differences between Boll and Wood. To begin with, Ed Wood had a good excuse for his technical incompetence: he never was provided with anything besides the most meager of budgets to make his films. Compare that to the financing Boll has been given as a blank check: House of the Dead, $12 million; Alone in the Dark, $20 million; BloodRayne, $25 million; and In the Name of the King, an astounding $60 million. How does Boll continue to get funding for his flicks, even though none of them have had any box office success? Some may suspect it has something to do with the bad taste of his homeland Germany, a nation that's had as its two most beloved men over the past century David Hasslehoff and Hitler. Alas, it isn't German tastes which are to blame, but rather their tax laws: the nation's tax code allows investors in German productions to write off all losses completely, creating the perfect tax shelter. So it seems that while Boll may lack cinematic genius, he is a visionary businessman.
The bigger difference between the two is more elemental: as noted at UrbanDictionary.com about the comparison between the two, "Wood was enthusiastic but inept, an earnest director whose vision as an artist greatly outstripped his meager abilities as a filmmaker. Boll's films are driven by cynical exploitation of German tax law that allows a movie to make money even when it fails at the box office. He is better thought of as a real-life Max Bialystock from The Producers, a movie in which a Broadway producer attempts to make money by intentionally staging a massive flop, Springtime for Hitler." Allen Varney in EscapistMagazine.com compared the two further: "Though both Wood and Boll are often described as totally inept, Wood is, in fact, selectively inept. Films by truly incompetent directors are hard to follow and boring. Wood's movies, with their nutty plots and miserable production values, nonetheless flow smoothly from scene to scene; his storytelling is, for the most part, technically decent (that is, you know where you are in the narrative); and his ludicrous lack of taste can be mesmerizing. Show Glen or Glenda to an audience. Their initial stunned disbelief quickly turns to joy. They watch with enthusiasm throughout and rapturously cheer the ending. Boll's audiences sometimes cheer too; they're relieved the film is finally over."
Faced with such nasty criticism, Boll has responded in a rather innovative way: specifically, by beating his critics to a bloody pulp. Boll actually did this in 2006, challenging some of his critics to a boxing match and punching them silly in a PR stunt. (Granted, a profession that has included Rex Reed and Leonard Maltin isn't filled with the most intimidating guys ever, but it still was an undefeated run.)
Which leads to a little devil advocacy in defense of Boll, for reason's which include the plausible fear he may try to kick our ass if we don't. After all, as incompetent of a buffoon Boll may be, is he really what is wrong with the movie industry right now? Isn't he just a scapegoat for an even greater evil brewing from Hollywood? (And no, we're not talking about Larry the Cable Guy.)
The real answer to what is wrong with today's movie industry can be found, in all places, a mildly positive review by Roger Ebert of the 2004 biker flick Torque. (A pretty underrated movie, BTW, and worthy of a spot on your Netflix queue.) While Ebert enjoyed the movie for what it was, he couldn't help but make this observation: "Hollywood genres have undergone a fundamental flip-flop. Low-budget pictures are now serious and ambitious and play at Sundance. Big-budget exploitation work, on which every possible technical refinement is lavished, are now flashy and dispensable and open in 3,000 multiplexes."
Ebert isn't exaggerating. While Boll's In the Name of the King $60 million budget is nothing to sneeze at, it hardly represents an abnormal amount. Most blockbuster films now have budgets of over $100 million, and that is before the marketing costs are factored in.
Nine figures is a huge amount, and a very risky investment. How has Hollywood dealt with the giant gamble that is behind big budget movies? The most obvious way is through repetition via the creation of franchises and multiple sequels. Granted, sequels weren't created in the 21st century, but the usage of them has become far more widespread and concentrated. As a result, no film since 2002 has topped the annual North American box office chart that wasn't a sequel, and that was the franchise-creating Spider-Man. Indeed, you have to go back to when Clinton was president to find a non-franchise film that topped the annual BO charts. Even more telling, of the top 25 films in North American gross this decade, only two are non-franchise flicks. (And even those two exceptions prove the rule, as one is Finding Nemo from Pixar, an animation studio that can be viewed as a franchise in its own, and the other was Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ, based on the New Testament, which - sorry The Godfather II, The Empire Strikes Back and The Dark Knight - is, hands down, the most successful sequel in the history of mankind.)
The Konformist doesn't mean to sound like cinematic snobs here: after all, the 2008 summer was dominated by three quality franchise films in The Dark Knight, Iron Man and the unfairly maligned Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. And certainly both Harry Potter and The Lord of the Rings trilogy have huge deserved followings in their own right. But all this money and energy being devoted to derivative works is unprecedented. Indeed, the 2007 summer was so loaded down with lesser third parts of the Shrek, Spider-Man and Pirates of the Caribbean franchises that a Michael Bay film inspired by eighties-era robotic action figures seemed like a breath of fresh air for its originality in comparison.
True, there's a few directors (among them Michael Moore, Christopher Nolan, Clint Eastwood and, though he's been a tad desperate to win an Oscar, Martin Scorsese) who've consistently made great movies the last ten years. Still, though it is hard to judge an era artistically while in the middle (or even the end) of it, it is fair to say that the zeroes are the worst decade in film of the modern day era that began in the sixties. This is no accident: whatever the flaws of Peter Biskind's book Easy Riders, Raging Bulls, his basic thesis was correct, that Hollywood executives became so clueless about what was popular in culture, they gave directors more of a free reign than ever before, to the benefit of movie fans everywhere. Forty years later, and the pendulum has clearly swung too far in the opposite direction, as the suits now have way too much control. Which is why The Konformist suspects this decade won't be remembered for the franchise flicks but the low-budget movies that took a chance: Donnie Darko, About Schmidt, Fahrenheit 9/11, Brokeback Mountain and, from last year alone, The Wrestler and Slumdog Millionaire.
The irony is that even in the franchise films, you can see how rebellion against the system can lead to success. Two noted examples are the favorite movie hero and villain of the decade, Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow and Heath Ledger's posthumous turn as The Joker. At first, Depp's unorthodox character decisions in Pirates of the Caribbean freaked out producers who feared it would ruin the movie's commercial prospects: as it turns out, his gutsy performance won him a Screen Actors Guild prize for Best Actor and was central to the billion dollar success of the series. Meanwhile, Ledger's violently anarchic take on The Joker was even more daring than playing a gay cowboy in Brokeback Mountain, and his Oscar-winning performance has passed even the likes of Jack Nicholson, Cesar Romero and Mark Hamill as the definitive Joker. And, like Pirates of the Caribbean, commercial success was the reward, as The Dark Knight is the decade's biggest box office hit.
Of course, there's only so much originality that can come from movies inspired by comic books and amusement parks. And that's why we suspect (or at least hope) a big change may be coming to Hollywood sooner rather than later. The high concept franchise blockbuster is about as tired as a hair metal ballad in 1991. Eventually, someone is going look at the state of Hollywood and notice something that smells like teen spirit. And maybe along the way someone will have something to say about the current state of affairs, from the mass manipulation of 9/11, the failed Iraq War, and the current economic crisis. Until then, Uwe Boll may be the least of our problems.
In any case, we salute Uwe Boll as Beast of the Month. Congratulations, and keep up the great work, Uwe!!!
Sources:
Thanks to IMDB.com, RottenTomatoes.com, BoxOfficeMojo.com, Razzies.com, RogerEbert.com, UweBollIsAntichrist.com and Wikipedia.org for research help on this article.
Erickson, Blair. "Behind the Scenes: Uwe Boll and Uwe Boll's Alone In the Dark." Something Awful 2 February 2005 <http://www.somethingawful.com/d/feature-articles/behind-scenes-uwe.php>.
"Uwe Boll." Urban Dictionary <http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Uwe+Boll>.
Varney, Allen. "Boll vs. Wood." The Escapist 23 January 2007 <http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/67985-Boll-vs-Wood>.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Hilton, Myers top Razzies bill for year's worst
http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ixgKEnlnx6pKqr7kz3v3xKB3sJOgD96GCQ9O0
Hilton, Myers top Razzies bill for year's worst
By DAVID GERMAIN
2-21-9
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Mike Myers' "The Love Guru" has found some disciples among Razzies voters who pick Hollywood's lowest achievements.
And Paris Hilton is getting her own Razzies moment with three awards all on her own at a ceremony that spoofs the Academy Awards on the eve of the Oscars.
"The Love Guru" won three Razzies on Saturday for worst picture, actor (Myers in the title role) and screenplay, which Myers co-wrote. Hilton's three prizes are worst actress for "The Hottie and the Nottie," supporting actress for "Repo! The Genetic Opera" and screen couple alongside either of her "Hottie" co-stars, Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore.
With three Razzies, Hilton tied the record set last year by Eddie Murphy, who won worst actor, supporting actor and supporting actress for his multiple roles in "Norbit."
Pierce Brosnan was chosen as worst supporting actor for "Mamma Mia!" The worst-director Razzie went to Uwe Boll for three movies: "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," "1968: Tunnel Rats" and "Postal."
Razzies voters also gave a prize for worst career achievement to Boll, whose critically drubbed movies include "Bloodrayne" and its sequel.
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" was named worst prequel, remake, rip-off or sequel.
John Wilson, founder of the Razzies, said Boll and Hilton's movies are so bad, he could envision a collaboration between the two.
"She is the 21st century Zsa Zsa Gabor. She is famous for who she hangs out with. She's not famous for any talent she has yet exhibited," Wilson said. "She may end up working with Uwe Boll. She could be the head vampire in `Bloodrayne 3.'"
"The Love Guru" features Myers as the world's second-best self-help guru, who must come to love himself before he can fully realize his potential. The movie topped out at $32 million at the domestic box office, chump change compared to the haul of Myers' "Austin Powers" sequels.
Wilson disagreed with other Razzies voters on "The Love Guru," saying that after watching it again to pull clips for the group's awards ceremony Saturday night, he did not think it was the year's worst movie.
"A couple of things he did got me to laugh, and these days, two laughs in a comedy is a high ratio," Wilson said.
In "The Hottie and the Nottie," Hilton plays a babe who won't date until her homely best pal lands a man. Hilton has a small role in "Repo," a horror musical about organ recipients who face a visit from the repo man if they fall behind on the payments.
"Repo" and "Hottie" combined did not even manage to take in $200,000 at the domestic box office.
Unlike many years, when one movie dominates, the Razzies were shared among a variety of flicks.
One voter joked that "we decided to spread the loathe around," Wilson said. "Everybody got kicked in the shin at least a little."
On the Net:
http://www.razzies.com
Hilton, Myers top Razzies bill for year's worst
By DAVID GERMAIN
2-21-9
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Mike Myers' "The Love Guru" has found some disciples among Razzies voters who pick Hollywood's lowest achievements.
And Paris Hilton is getting her own Razzies moment with three awards all on her own at a ceremony that spoofs the Academy Awards on the eve of the Oscars.
"The Love Guru" won three Razzies on Saturday for worst picture, actor (Myers in the title role) and screenplay, which Myers co-wrote. Hilton's three prizes are worst actress for "The Hottie and the Nottie," supporting actress for "Repo! The Genetic Opera" and screen couple alongside either of her "Hottie" co-stars, Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore.
With three Razzies, Hilton tied the record set last year by Eddie Murphy, who won worst actor, supporting actor and supporting actress for his multiple roles in "Norbit."
Pierce Brosnan was chosen as worst supporting actor for "Mamma Mia!" The worst-director Razzie went to Uwe Boll for three movies: "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," "1968: Tunnel Rats" and "Postal."
Razzies voters also gave a prize for worst career achievement to Boll, whose critically drubbed movies include "Bloodrayne" and its sequel.
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" was named worst prequel, remake, rip-off or sequel.
John Wilson, founder of the Razzies, said Boll and Hilton's movies are so bad, he could envision a collaboration between the two.
"She is the 21st century Zsa Zsa Gabor. She is famous for who she hangs out with. She's not famous for any talent she has yet exhibited," Wilson said. "She may end up working with Uwe Boll. She could be the head vampire in `Bloodrayne 3.'"
"The Love Guru" features Myers as the world's second-best self-help guru, who must come to love himself before he can fully realize his potential. The movie topped out at $32 million at the domestic box office, chump change compared to the haul of Myers' "Austin Powers" sequels.
Wilson disagreed with other Razzies voters on "The Love Guru," saying that after watching it again to pull clips for the group's awards ceremony Saturday night, he did not think it was the year's worst movie.
"A couple of things he did got me to laugh, and these days, two laughs in a comedy is a high ratio," Wilson said.
In "The Hottie and the Nottie," Hilton plays a babe who won't date until her homely best pal lands a man. Hilton has a small role in "Repo," a horror musical about organ recipients who face a visit from the repo man if they fall behind on the payments.
"Repo" and "Hottie" combined did not even manage to take in $200,000 at the domestic box office.
Unlike many years, when one movie dominates, the Razzies were shared among a variety of flicks.
One voter joked that "we decided to spread the loathe around," Wilson said. "Everybody got kicked in the shin at least a little."
On the Net:
http://www.razzies.com
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Nominees List of the 29th Annual Razzie Awards
Complete Nominees List of the 29th Annual Razzie Awards:
Worst Picture:
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet the Spartans"
"The Happening"
"The Hottie and the Nottie"
"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"
"The Love Guru"
Worst Actor:
Larry the Cable Guy, "Witless Protection"
Eddie Murphy, "Meet Dave"
Mike Myers, "The Love Guru"
Al Pacino, "88 Minutes" and "Righteous Kill"
Mark Wahlberg, "The Happening" and "Max Payne"
Worst Actress:
Jessica Alba, "The Eye" and "The Love Guru"
Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett Smith and Meg Ryan, the Cast of "The Women"
Cameron Diaz, "What Happens in Vegas..."
Paris Hilton, "The Hottie and the Nottie"
Kate Hudson, "Fool's Gold" and "My Best Friend's Girl"
Worst Supporting Actor:
Uwe Boll, "Postal"
Pierce Brosnan, "Mamma Mia!"
Ben Kingsley, "The Love Guru", "War, Inc." and "The Wackness"
Burt Reynolds, "Deal" and "In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"
Verne Troyer, "The Love Guru" and "Postal"
Worst Supporting Actress:
Carmen Electra, "Disaster Movie" and "Meet The Spartans"
Paris Hilton, "Repo: The Genetic Opera"
Kim Kardashian, "Disaster Movie"
Jenny McCarthy, "Witless Protection"
Leelee Sobieski, "88 Minutes" and "In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"
Worst Screen Couple:
Uwe Boll and ANY Actor, Camera or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, "What Happens in Vegas..."
Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore, "The Hottie and the Nottie"
Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy, "Witless Protection"
Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy, "Meet Dave"
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel:
"The Day the Earth Stood Still"
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet The Spartans"
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"
"Speed Racer"
"Star Wars: The Clone Wars"
Worst Director:
Uwe Boll, "Tunnel Rats", In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" and "Postal"
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, "Disaster Movie" and "Meet The Spartans"
Tom Putnam, "The Hottie and the Nottie"
Marco Schnabel, "The Love Guru"
M. Night Shyamalan, "The Happening"
Worst Screenplay:
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet The Spartans" - Both Written by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
"The Happening" - Written by M. Night Shyamalan
"The Hottie And The Nottie" - Written by Heidi Ferrer
"In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" - Screenplay by Doug Taylor
"The Love Guru" - Written by Mike Myers and Graham Gordy
Worst Career Achievement (Special Category!): Uwe Boll (Germany's Answer to Ed Wood)
Worst Picture:
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet the Spartans"
"The Happening"
"The Hottie and the Nottie"
"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"
"The Love Guru"
Worst Actor:
Larry the Cable Guy, "Witless Protection"
Eddie Murphy, "Meet Dave"
Mike Myers, "The Love Guru"
Al Pacino, "88 Minutes" and "Righteous Kill"
Mark Wahlberg, "The Happening" and "Max Payne"
Worst Actress:
Jessica Alba, "The Eye" and "The Love Guru"
Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett Smith and Meg Ryan, the Cast of "The Women"
Cameron Diaz, "What Happens in Vegas..."
Paris Hilton, "The Hottie and the Nottie"
Kate Hudson, "Fool's Gold" and "My Best Friend's Girl"
Worst Supporting Actor:
Uwe Boll, "Postal"
Pierce Brosnan, "Mamma Mia!"
Ben Kingsley, "The Love Guru", "War, Inc." and "The Wackness"
Burt Reynolds, "Deal" and "In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"
Verne Troyer, "The Love Guru" and "Postal"
Worst Supporting Actress:
Carmen Electra, "Disaster Movie" and "Meet The Spartans"
Paris Hilton, "Repo: The Genetic Opera"
Kim Kardashian, "Disaster Movie"
Jenny McCarthy, "Witless Protection"
Leelee Sobieski, "88 Minutes" and "In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale"
Worst Screen Couple:
Uwe Boll and ANY Actor, Camera or Screenplay
Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, "What Happens in Vegas..."
Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore, "The Hottie and the Nottie"
Larry the Cable Guy and Jenny McCarthy, "Witless Protection"
Eddie Murphy IN Eddie Murphy, "Meet Dave"
Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel:
"The Day the Earth Stood Still"
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet The Spartans"
"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull"
"Speed Racer"
"Star Wars: The Clone Wars"
Worst Director:
Uwe Boll, "Tunnel Rats", In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" and "Postal"
Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, "Disaster Movie" and "Meet The Spartans"
Tom Putnam, "The Hottie and the Nottie"
Marco Schnabel, "The Love Guru"
M. Night Shyamalan, "The Happening"
Worst Screenplay:
"Disaster Movie" and "Meet The Spartans" - Both Written by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer
"The Happening" - Written by M. Night Shyamalan
"The Hottie And The Nottie" - Written by Heidi Ferrer
"In The Name of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale" - Screenplay by Doug Taylor
"The Love Guru" - Written by Mike Myers and Graham Gordy
Worst Career Achievement (Special Category!): Uwe Boll (Germany's Answer to Ed Wood)
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen
http://www.avclub.com/content/dvds/the_adventures_of_baron_munchausen
The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen: 20th Anniversary Edition
(Sony)
Reviewed by Nathan Rabin
April 23rd, 2008
Sarah Polley has said that making 1988's Adventures Of Baron Munchausen was "traumatic." After watching The Madness And Misadventures Of Munchausen—a riveting, brutally candid making-of documentary included on Sony's new double-disc DVD set—that seems like an understatement. For a cast and crew saddled with a spiraling budget, endless bad luck, and a sinister German producer who comes off like a cross between Otto Preminger and Uwe Boll, making Munchausen was an experience to be survived rather than savored. All the madness, drama, and waste did pay off creatively, though not financially: Munchausen cost and lost a fortune. But in the hackneyed parlance of show-biz, every dollar is up on the screen in an exquisite cavalcade of wildly imaginative setpieces dreamed up by Gilliam and production designer Dante Ferretti, who picked up the first of eight Oscar nominations for the film.
A massive flop turned cult favorite, Munchausen casts British stage actor John Neville as a legendary tale-spinner who joins forces with precocious moppet Polley and reunites with his trusted band of adventurers to save a city from Turkish invaders. Neville's preposterous quest sends him spinning through fantastic worlds, from a lunar wonderland ruled by the disembodied head of Robin Williams to the insides of a sea creature to the subterranean lair of the Roman God Vulcan (Oliver Reed).
Munchausen presents its fantasist hero as a glorious anachronism, a proponent of wonder in an age of reason and rationality. In that respect, he mirrors Gilliam's gloriously old-fashioned cinematic fantasia, which boasts a retro charm and craftsmanship unthinkable in our CGI-addled era. A feast for the eyes, Munchausen solidifies Gilliam's status as a crucial link between the cine-magic of Georges Méliès and the homemade dream-worlds of Michel Gondry. The script is fortified with Python-esque verbal humor, but it wouldn't take much tweaking to transform Munchausen into a silent film. Throw in a naked Uma Thurman at the height of her nubile beauty, and you have a rambling but irresistibly powerful illustration of what the film's terminally practical villain (Jonathan Pryce) sneeringly refers to as "hot air and fantasy."
Key features: The making-of, a less-compelling but still engaging commentary from Gilliam and co-writer Charles McKeown, deleted scenes, and storyboards.
The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen: 20th Anniversary Edition
(Sony)
Reviewed by Nathan Rabin
April 23rd, 2008
Sarah Polley has said that making 1988's Adventures Of Baron Munchausen was "traumatic." After watching The Madness And Misadventures Of Munchausen—a riveting, brutally candid making-of documentary included on Sony's new double-disc DVD set—that seems like an understatement. For a cast and crew saddled with a spiraling budget, endless bad luck, and a sinister German producer who comes off like a cross between Otto Preminger and Uwe Boll, making Munchausen was an experience to be survived rather than savored. All the madness, drama, and waste did pay off creatively, though not financially: Munchausen cost and lost a fortune. But in the hackneyed parlance of show-biz, every dollar is up on the screen in an exquisite cavalcade of wildly imaginative setpieces dreamed up by Gilliam and production designer Dante Ferretti, who picked up the first of eight Oscar nominations for the film.
A massive flop turned cult favorite, Munchausen casts British stage actor John Neville as a legendary tale-spinner who joins forces with precocious moppet Polley and reunites with his trusted band of adventurers to save a city from Turkish invaders. Neville's preposterous quest sends him spinning through fantastic worlds, from a lunar wonderland ruled by the disembodied head of Robin Williams to the insides of a sea creature to the subterranean lair of the Roman God Vulcan (Oliver Reed).
Munchausen presents its fantasist hero as a glorious anachronism, a proponent of wonder in an age of reason and rationality. In that respect, he mirrors Gilliam's gloriously old-fashioned cinematic fantasia, which boasts a retro charm and craftsmanship unthinkable in our CGI-addled era. A feast for the eyes, Munchausen solidifies Gilliam's status as a crucial link between the cine-magic of Georges Méliès and the homemade dream-worlds of Michel Gondry. The script is fortified with Python-esque verbal humor, but it wouldn't take much tweaking to transform Munchausen into a silent film. Throw in a naked Uma Thurman at the height of her nubile beauty, and you have a rambling but irresistibly powerful illustration of what the film's terminally practical villain (Jonathan Pryce) sneeringly refers to as "hot air and fantasy."
Key features: The making-of, a less-compelling but still engaging commentary from Gilliam and co-writer Charles McKeown, deleted scenes, and storyboards.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Now That's What I Call Movie, Vol. 1
Robalini's Note: Move over Michael Bay & Uwe Boll, Aaron Friedberg and Jason Seltzer are the new names in bad filmmaking...
http://www.avclub.com/content/hater/now_thats_what_i_call_movie_vol__0
Now That's What I Call Movie, Vol. 1 Cast Of References Finally Announced
April 3rd, 2008
For months now, Epic Movie and Meet The Spartans co-referencers Aaron Friedberg and Jason Seltzer have kept all of Hollywood on pins and needles, anxiously awaiting the pair's annual spoof movie casting announcement, or, as it's known in industry circles, The Yuk-Yuk Hilari-eference List. Which pop cultural notables will catch Friedberg and Seltzer's mercilessly referencing eye? Whom will they knock down a peg through simple, pointless impersonation? Whose mere presence will take the place of a joke? (I mean, Jessica Simpson's, obviously. But who else's?) Well, after reading this article, it's clear that Friedberg and Seltzer's current Yuk-Yuk Hilari-eference List is proof that they have their fingers firmly on the pulse of pop culture's cold, dead, steadily bloating corpse. Will Smith’s forthcoming superhero jaunt “Hancock” is going to be spoofed, the “Sex and the City” movie (they’re looking for a guy – yes! A guy! – to play Carrie!) will too, and Mike Myers’s upcoming “The Love Guru” is even getting a ribbing. Aside from the above characters, Friedberg and Seltzer are currently on the lookout for a ‘Jessica Simpson’, a ‘Justin Timberlake’, a ‘Prince’, a ‘Flava Flav’, a ‘Dr Phil’, a ‘Angelina Jolie’, ‘Paris Hilton’, and, of course, a ‘Michael Jackson’. What, no Olsen twins? They would make a great reference/joke. Apparently, the movie, called Goodie Two Shoes, will be tenuously held together under the guise of a Superbad spoof, which begs the question: How will Friedberg & Seltzer maximize the references? In Meet The Spartans, they could simply throw celebrity impersonators into the pit: Hilarity achieved.
But Superbad lacks a giant hole in the middle of the ground. If I were fart-writing this movie--which, let's face it, would never happen: fart-writing is such a boys' club--I would have Goodie Two Shoes take place at a giant house party. Fake McLovin and his date (maybe Fake Jessica Simpson) would be looking for a room in the house to have sex in, and the entirety of the movie (all 70 terrible minutes of it) would be the pair opening door after door to reveal pop culture reference coupling, after pop culture reference coupling. And, of course, for the big finale, Fake McLovin and Fake Jessica Simpson would open the attic door to reveal Fake Juno giving birth on the back of Fake Christian Siriano (while he shouts, "So not fierce!") to Fake Flava Flav, who would then be promptly adopted by Fake Angelina Jolie. The End.
http://www.avclub.com/content/hater/now_thats_what_i_call_movie_vol__0
Now That's What I Call Movie, Vol. 1 Cast Of References Finally Announced
April 3rd, 2008
For months now, Epic Movie and Meet The Spartans co-referencers Aaron Friedberg and Jason Seltzer have kept all of Hollywood on pins and needles, anxiously awaiting the pair's annual spoof movie casting announcement, or, as it's known in industry circles, The Yuk-Yuk Hilari-eference List. Which pop cultural notables will catch Friedberg and Seltzer's mercilessly referencing eye? Whom will they knock down a peg through simple, pointless impersonation? Whose mere presence will take the place of a joke? (I mean, Jessica Simpson's, obviously. But who else's?) Well, after reading this article, it's clear that Friedberg and Seltzer's current Yuk-Yuk Hilari-eference List is proof that they have their fingers firmly on the pulse of pop culture's cold, dead, steadily bloating corpse. Will Smith’s forthcoming superhero jaunt “Hancock” is going to be spoofed, the “Sex and the City” movie (they’re looking for a guy – yes! A guy! – to play Carrie!) will too, and Mike Myers’s upcoming “The Love Guru” is even getting a ribbing. Aside from the above characters, Friedberg and Seltzer are currently on the lookout for a ‘Jessica Simpson’, a ‘Justin Timberlake’, a ‘Prince’, a ‘Flava Flav’, a ‘Dr Phil’, a ‘Angelina Jolie’, ‘Paris Hilton’, and, of course, a ‘Michael Jackson’. What, no Olsen twins? They would make a great reference/joke. Apparently, the movie, called Goodie Two Shoes, will be tenuously held together under the guise of a Superbad spoof, which begs the question: How will Friedberg & Seltzer maximize the references? In Meet The Spartans, they could simply throw celebrity impersonators into the pit: Hilarity achieved.
But Superbad lacks a giant hole in the middle of the ground. If I were fart-writing this movie--which, let's face it, would never happen: fart-writing is such a boys' club--I would have Goodie Two Shoes take place at a giant house party. Fake McLovin and his date (maybe Fake Jessica Simpson) would be looking for a room in the house to have sex in, and the entirety of the movie (all 70 terrible minutes of it) would be the pair opening door after door to reveal pop culture reference coupling, after pop culture reference coupling. And, of course, for the big finale, Fake McLovin and Fake Jessica Simpson would open the attic door to reveal Fake Juno giving birth on the back of Fake Christian Siriano (while he shouts, "So not fierce!") to Fake Flava Flav, who would then be promptly adopted by Fake Angelina Jolie. The End.
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