Top 25 Turkeys of the 2000s

Zeroes for the Zeroes
Robert Sterling, Konformist.com
http://robalini.blogspot.com/
11-25-2010

If there's one thing people love, it's lists. And after the end of each decade, a common thing to do is come up with a list of the greatest movies of the decade.

At The Konformist, we've decided to take the opposite tactic. Let others celebrate the best of the decade, we're going to focus on the worst. Here then, on the first Thanksgiving of the new decade, is The Konformist list of the top 25 Turkeys of the 2000s.

First, lets define this list: a Turkey movie is one that is not merely bad, but is an icon of bad film. These are movies that people cite and often seek for their innate badness. Thus, it can be argued that being a Turkey is a good thing. As the saying goes, "Love me or hate me, you can't ignore me." These are movies that can't be ignored.

Please note that this isn't a personal list, which would be quite different. Instead, this list is based on a secret mathematical formula, which includes information from IMDB.com, RottenTomatoes.com, BoxOfficeMojo.com and Razzies.com, along with Google and Yahoo searches. In cases where more than one movie in a series would make the list, the best (or worst) example of the series is cited, with the others receiving honorable mention.

Enough said. Gobble gobble!

25. 10,000 BC (2008)

Director Roland Emmerich is best known this decade for making dumb but entertaining blockbusters, such as The Patriot, The Day After Tomorrow and 2012. (This is a formula he perfected in 1996 with Independence Day.) 10,000 BC is his dumbest and least entertaining movie of the zeroes. Bonus Turkey points for not having the good sense to include a Racquel Welch lookalike prancing around half-naked.

24. Norbit (2007)

Less than a year after nearly winning an Oscar for Dreamgirls, Eddie Murphy won three Golden Rasberry Awards for his three rolls in this stinker that buried a potential career comeback.

23. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)

One dumb action film inspired by a comic book series can be fun, but a sequel? Not so much. Wisely, 20th Century Fox chose not to screen this movie to critics.

22. Glitter (2001)

A movie so bad, it nearly destroyed Mariah Carey's career and probably fueled her emotional breakdown. A tragedy for the greatest vocal talent this side of Whitney Houston over the last 25 years, that makes the film the equivalent of Bobby Brown on crack.

21. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)

Not that the first Angels film was a masterpiece, but at least it was entertaining. This sequel wasn't, and helped cement McG as one of the most notorious hack directors around.

20. Ultraviolet (2006)

Milla Jovovich is an actress whose beauty matches her immense talent. Unfortunately, because of her beauty, she rarely gets the chance to use it in film, and this sci-fi clunker is the worst example of wasting her skills.

19. Scary Movie 2 (2001)

When did the creators of In Living Color become not funny? This is the film where the Wayan Brothers jumped the shark. A sequel for the more entertaining first movie of the series, it helped pave the way for future Wayan stinkers like White Chicks and Little Man, as well as the entire Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer Blank Movie series.

18. Pearl Harbor (2001)

The movie that has defined the career of director Michael Bay, for better and worse. Okay, for worse. Bonus Turkey points for being mocked in Team America: World Police.

17. The Happening (2008)

When the Zeroes began, M. Night Shyamalan was the hot promising director, courtesy of his clever plot twist flick The Sixth Sense. Each movie that followed was worst than the previous one, climaxing with this bomb starring Marky Mark. It now seems no plot twist can save his career.

16. Dragonball Evolution (2009)

If George Lucas earned hatred for Episodes 1-3 by Star Wars cultists, he's lucky not to face the wrath of the anime fans. Dragonball Evolution gets major bonus Turkey points for being so despised by such a large and devoted Internet community.

15. You Got Served (2004)

How did a film this lousy inspire a "Dance Movie" fad after its release? Bonus Turkey Points for including K-Fed in its cast.

14. Wicker Man (2006)

Ten years after winning the Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas, Nicholas Cage starred in this remake of a horror classic. It exemplifies how his name has become code for "respected actor trading in his cred for easy money in pure schlock."

13. Son of the Mask (2005)

Eleven years after The Mask helped make Jim Carrey a star, this sequel was released without him. Poor Jamie Kennedy was left holding the bag.

12. Crossroads (2002)

Marrying K-Fed, being singled out by Michael Moore for mockery in Fahrenheit 9/11 and her infamous VMA Awards performance certainly are lowlights of the downward spiral Britney Spears had this decade. Still, starring in one of the worst movies from the Zeroes certainly qualifies as one of her top "Jump the Shark" moments. Bonus Turkey points for singing her version of "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" in the flick.

11. BloodRayne (2006)

Turkey auteur Uwe Boll just misses the top 10 with this crappy film based on a video game. Don't worry, there's more where this one came from.

10. Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009)

A Jonas Brothers concert? The worst use of 3D technology ever. Bonus Turkey points for the purity rings.

9. From Justin to Kelly (2003)

American Idol may be the most popular TV show of the decade, but it didn't translate well to film. In 2005, named the worst musical of the past quarter century by the Golden Raspberry Awards.

8. House of the Dead (2003)

The second Uwe Boll video game adaptation to make this list, this is the film that introduced the world to Boll's unique talents.

7. The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)

Any film starring Paris Hilton is almost begging to be put on this list. We've decided not to disappoint the makers of this dud.

6. Alone in the Dark (2005)

The third and highest ranked video game adaptation from Uwe Boll on this list. This crapperpiece can be summed it one sentence: Tara Reid as an archaeologist and museum curator. Sorry Tara, but you're no Harrison Ford.

5. Catwoman (2004)

Halle Berry won a Best Actress Oscar (the first for any African-American woman) for her performance in Monster's Ball in 2001. In 2002, she became the sexiest Bond girl this side of Ursulla Andress. Two years later, she starred in this kitty litter of a movie, and her career hasn't been the same. Bonus Turkey points for being directed by a French guy named Pitof.

4. Gigli (2003)

The movie that melded Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez into one, something that will haunt both of them for the rest of their lives. The Golden Raspberries named it the worst comedy of the past quarter century in 2005. Bonus Turkey points for the worst line of dialogue from the decade, when J.Lo attempts to seduce Ben with "Gobble gobble."

3. Twilight: New Moon (2009)

A Turkey which is unique in that nearly half of its audience didn't even want to see it. Seriously, has there ever been a movie where this many guys were dragged to by their girlfriends and forced to endure? The first Twilight was bad enough, but this one gets bonus Turkey points for the whole "Team Edward or Team Jacob" marketing plan. (Although it must be said that Taylor Lautner does have nice abs.)

Dishonorable Mention: Twilight (2008)

2. Battlefield Earth (2000)

Roger Ebert put it best: "Something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies." Nuff said. The Golden Raspberries named it the worst drama of the past quarter century in 2005 and worst film of the decade in 2010.

And finally:

1. Epic Movie (2007)

Sorry, Travolta, but you've been topped in decade stinkerdom. The winner is this entry from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in their atrocious Blank Movie series, which has surpassed Police Academy as the worst film series in movie history. They're all terrible, but Epic Movie deserves special note as the film that made the whole Blank Movie series a fad that couldn't be ignored

Dishonorable Mention: Date Movie (2006), Meet the Spartans (2008), Disaster Movie (2008)


Hope you enjoyed this list, and feel free to watch some of these movies with some tasty turkey leftovers this weekend!

30th Annual Dis-Honors for Cinematic Dreck

http://www.razzies.com/

30th Annual Dis-Honors for Cinematic Dreck:
RAZZIE® Voters Spread the Loathe Around

With so many Berry Bad Movies to choose from, voting members of The Golden Raspberry Award Foundation decided to spread their dis-honors among multiple titles for their Gala 30th Annual RAZZIE® Awards. In ceremonies presented on Oscar Eve at Hollywood's Barnsdall Gallery Theatre, no less than six 2009 releases received at least one gold-spray-painted statuette designating them as being among last year's Worst Achievements in Film.

The big "winner" was also one of last year's biggest box office hits: The overlong, over-loud, under-whelming toy-based sequel TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN. In addition to taking Worst Director for The Boy Blunder of Blow-‘em-Ups Michael Bay, FALLEN also fell victim as the year's Worst Screenplay and Worst Picture. Worst Actress was awarded to a star who could well follow up the berry next night with an Oscar® win: Sandra Bullock, RAZZed for her performance in ALL ABOUT STEVE. The film also took the Worst Screen Couple dis-honor, for Bullock and co-star Bradley Cooper. Worst Actor went jointly to Disney Boy Band The Jonas Brothers, playing themselves in JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE. Supporting "winners" were Billy Ray Cyrus, riding his daughter's coat-tails and playing her dad in HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE and Sienna Miller as the former girlfriend and current nemesis of the main character in G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA. One of last year's biggest box office bombs, LAND OF THE LOST, started the evening with a pack-leading 7 nominations. But the $150 million production (which grossed a humiliating $49 million in the U.S.) wound up only "winning" as Worst Remake/Rip-Off or Sequel.

In celebration of three decades of Dissing Hollywood's Biggest Under-Achievers, special awards were also given for Worst Picture of the Decade (BATTLEFIELD EARTH, which "won" by a landslide) Worst Actor of the Decade (Eddie Murphy for ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH, I SPY, IMAGINE THAT, MEET DAVE, NORBIT and SHOWTIME) and Actress of the Decade ("Celebutant" Paris Hilton for THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE, HOUSE OF WAX and REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA).

Dis-honorees were determined by mailing ballots to 657 voters in 47 U.S. states and 19 foreign countries. The RAZZIES® were created in 1980 as a logical antidote to Tinsel Town's annual glut of self-congratulatory awards by John Wilson, author of both THE OFFICIAL RAZZIE® MOVIE GUIDE and EVERYTHING I KNOW I LEARNED AT THE MOVIES. The Barnsdall Gallery Theatre is a facility of the City of Los Angeles Department of Cultural Affairs.

For more information on this year's "winners," the Golden Raspberry Awards' history, or to arrange an interview with Wilson, please visit the official RAZZIE® web site (www.razzies.com) or contact HeadRAZZberry@razzies.com

30th Annual Golden Raspberry (Razzie©) Award “Winners”

Worst Picture of 2009:
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
(Aka Trannies, Too)
(Dreamworks/Paramount)

Worst Actress of 2009:
Sandra Bullock
All About Steve

Worst Actor(s) of 2009:
All Three Jonas Brothers
Jonas Brothers: The 3-D Concert Experience

Worst Screen Couple:
Sandra Bullock & Bradley Cooper
All About Steve

Worst Supporting Actress:
Sienna Miller
G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA

Worst Supporting Actor:
Billy Ray Cyrus
HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE

Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-off or Sequel
(Combined Category for 2009):
Land of The Lost
(Universal PIctures)

Worst Director:
Michael Bay
TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN (aka TRANNIES, TOO)

Worst Screenplay:
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
Written by Ehren Kruger & Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman,
Based on Hasbro’s Transformers Action Figures

Special 30th RAZZIE®-versary Awardz

Worst Picture of the Decade:
Battlefield Earth
Nominated for 10 RAZZIES® / "Winner" of 8
(Including Worst Drama of Our First 25 Yrs)

Worst Actor of the Decade:
Eddie Murphy
Nominated for 12 "Achievements" / "Winner" of 3 RAZZIES®
ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH, I SPY, IMAGINE THAT,
MEET DAVE, NORBIT, SHOWTIME

Worst Actress of the decade
Paris Hilton
Nominated for 5 "Achievements," "Winner" of 4 RAZZIES®
THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE, HOUSE of WHACKS,
REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA

Padma Lakshmi Seduces a Hamburger

http://www.spike.com/blog/padma-lakshmi/75563

Padma Lakshmi Seduces a Hamburger
3-27-9

Padma Lakshmi, the host of Bravo’s Top Chef, is the latest beauty to get down and dirty for a Hardee’s/Carl’s Jr. ad campaign.

The former model follows the Paris Hilton route and gets intimate with a beefy hamburger, seductively consuming an oozing burger, licking and slurping it down. She recounts in a sultry voice-over how as a teenager she would sneak out to grab a burger and consume it without leaving any evidence.

Lakshmi has long been a fan of the fast food restaurant. In her 2007 cookbook, Tangy, Tart, Hot and Sweet, she wrote, “The sublimely pleasurable taste of bacon…was further enhanced by its mingling with the barbeque sauce, greedily licked off as it dripped down my teenage fingers.” The burger helped transform the teenage vegetarian into a meat-eater.

Hilton, Myers top Razzies bill for year's worst

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5ixgKEnlnx6pKqr7kz3v3xKB3sJOgD96GCQ9O0

Hilton, Myers top Razzies bill for year's worst
By DAVID GERMAIN
2-21-9

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Mike Myers' "The Love Guru" has found some disciples among Razzies voters who pick Hollywood's lowest achievements.

And Paris Hilton is getting her own Razzies moment with three awards all on her own at a ceremony that spoofs the Academy Awards on the eve of the Oscars.

"The Love Guru" won three Razzies on Saturday for worst picture, actor (Myers in the title role) and screenplay, which Myers co-wrote. Hilton's three prizes are worst actress for "The Hottie and the Nottie," supporting actress for "Repo! The Genetic Opera" and screen couple alongside either of her "Hottie" co-stars, Christine Lakin or Joel David Moore.

With three Razzies, Hilton tied the record set last year by Eddie Murphy, who won worst actor, supporting actor and supporting actress for his multiple roles in "Norbit."

Pierce Brosnan was chosen as worst supporting actor for "Mamma Mia!" The worst-director Razzie went to Uwe Boll for three movies: "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," "1968: Tunnel Rats" and "Postal."

Razzies voters also gave a prize for worst career achievement to Boll, whose critically drubbed movies include "Bloodrayne" and its sequel.

"Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" was named worst prequel, remake, rip-off or sequel.

John Wilson, founder of the Razzies, said Boll and Hilton's movies are so bad, he could envision a collaboration between the two.

"She is the 21st century Zsa Zsa Gabor. She is famous for who she hangs out with. She's not famous for any talent she has yet exhibited," Wilson said. "She may end up working with Uwe Boll. She could be the head vampire in `Bloodrayne 3.'"

"The Love Guru" features Myers as the world's second-best self-help guru, who must come to love himself before he can fully realize his potential. The movie topped out at $32 million at the domestic box office, chump change compared to the haul of Myers' "Austin Powers" sequels.

Wilson disagreed with other Razzies voters on "The Love Guru," saying that after watching it again to pull clips for the group's awards ceremony Saturday night, he did not think it was the year's worst movie.

"A couple of things he did got me to laugh, and these days, two laughs in a comedy is a high ratio," Wilson said.

In "The Hottie and the Nottie," Hilton plays a babe who won't date until her homely best pal lands a man. Hilton has a small role in "Repo," a horror musical about organ recipients who face a visit from the repo man if they fall behind on the payments.

"Repo" and "Hottie" combined did not even manage to take in $200,000 at the domestic box office.

Unlike many years, when one movie dominates, the Razzies were shared among a variety of flicks.

One voter joked that "we decided to spread the loathe around," Wilson said. "Everybody got kicked in the shin at least a little."

On the Net:

http://www.razzies.com

A Senior Fellow at the Institute of Nonexistence

Robalini's Note: While Sarah Palin is a woman with scary politics, it's pretty clear that a nasty smear job has been unleashed on her by the mainstream media in its rush to promote the Obama kult. Finally, a story which should've been viewed with suspicion from moment one but was repeated endlessly has been uncovered as the obvious hoax it was...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/13/arts/television/13hoax.html

November 13, 2008
A Senior Fellow at the Institute of Nonexistence
By RICHARD PÉREZ-PEÑA

It was among the juicier post-election recriminations: Fox News Channel quoted an unnamed McCain campaign figure as saying that Sarah Palin did not know that Africa was a continent.

Who would say such a thing? On Monday the answer popped up on a blog and popped out of the mouth of David Shuster, an MSNBC anchor. “Turns out it was Martin Eisenstadt, a McCain policy adviser, who has come forward today to identify himself as the source of the leaks,” Mr. Shuster said.

Trouble is, Martin Eisenstadt doesn’t exist. His blog does, but it’s a put-on. The think tank where he is a senior fellow — the Harding Institute for Freedom and Democracy — is just a Web site. The TV clips of him on YouTube are fakes.

And the claim of credit for the Africa anecdote is just the latest ruse by Eisenstadt, who turns out to be a very elaborate hoax that has been going on for months. MSNBC, which quickly corrected the mistake, has plenty of company in being taken in by an Eisenstadt hoax, including The New Republic and The Los Angeles Times.

Now a pair of obscure filmmakers say they created Martin Eisenstadt to help them pitch a TV show based on the character. But under the circumstances, why should anyone believe a word they say?

“That’s a really good question,” one of the two, Eitan Gorlin, said with a laugh.

(For what it’s worth, another reporter for The New York Times is an acquaintance of Mr. Gorlin and vouches for his identity, and Mr. Gorlin is indeed “Mr. Eisenstadt” in those videos. He and his partner in deception, Dan Mirvish, have entries on the Internet Movie Database, imdb.com. But still. ...)

The pranksters behind Eisenstadt acknowledge that he was not, through them, the anonymous source of the Palin leak. He just claimed falsely that he was the leaker--and they say they have no reason to cast doubt on the original story. For its part, Fox News Channel continues to stand behind its story.

Mr. Gorlin and Mr. Mirvish say the blame lies not with them but with shoddiness in the traditional news media and especially the blogosphere.

“With the 24-hour news cycle they rush into anything they can find,” said Mr. Mirvish, 40.

Mr. Gorlin, 39, argued that Eisenstadt was no more of a joke than half the bloggers or political commentators on the Internet or television.

An MSNBC spokesman, Jeremy Gaines, explained the network’s misstep by saying someone in the newsroom received the Palin item in an e-mail message from a colleague and assumed it had been checked out. “It had not been vetted,” he said. “It should not have made air.”

But most of Eisenstadt’s victims have been bloggers, a reflection of the sloppy speed at which any tidbit, no matter how specious, can bounce around the Internet. And they fell for the fake material despite ample warnings online about Eisenstadt, including the work of one blogger who spent months chasing the illusion around cyberspace, trying to debunk it.

The hoax began a year ago with short videos of a parking valet character, who Mr. Gorlin and Mr. Mirvish said was the original idea for a TV series.

Soon there were videos showing him driving a car while spouting offensive, opinionated nonsense in praise of Rudolph W. Giuliani. Those videos attracted tens of thousands of Internet hits and a bit of news media attention.

When Mr. Giuliani dropped out of the presidential race, the character morphed into Eisenstadt, a parody of a blowhard cable news commentator.

Mr. Gorlin said they chose the name because “all the neocons in the Bush administration had Jewish last names and Christian first names.”

Eisenstadt became an adviser to Senator John McCain and got a blog, updated occasionally with comments claiming insider knowledge, and other bloggers began quoting and linking to it. It mixed weird-but-true items with false ones that were plausible, if just barely.

The inventors fabricated the Harding Institute, named for one of the most scorned presidents, and made Eisenstadt a senior fellow.

It didn’t hurt that a man named Michael Eisenstadt is a real expert at the Washington Institute for Near East Policy and is quoted in the mainstream media. The real Mr. Eisenstadt said in an interview that he was only dimly aware of the fake one, and that his main concern was that people understood that “I had nothing to do with this.”

Before long Mr. Gorlin and Mr. Mirvish had produced a short documentary on Martin Eisenstadt, supposedly for the BBC, posted in several parts on YouTube.

In June they produced what appeared to be an interview with Eisenstadt on Iraqi television promoting construction of a casino in the Green Zone in Baghdad. Then they sent out a news release in which he apologized. Outraged Iraqi bloggers protested the casino idea.

Among the Americans who took that bait was Jonathan Stein, a reporter for Mother Jones. A few hours later Mr. Stein put up a post on the magazine’s political blog, with the title “Hoax Alert: Bizarre ‘McCain Adviser’ Too Good to Be True,” and explained how he had been fooled.

In July, after the McCain campaign compared Senator Barack Obama to Paris Hilton, the Eisenstadt blog said “the phone was burning off the hook” at McCain headquarters, with angry calls from Ms. Hilton’s grandfather and others. A Los Angeles Times political blog, among others, retold the story, citing Eisenstadt by name and linking to his blog.

Last month Eisenstadt blogged that Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, Joe the Plumber, was closely related to Charles Keating, the disgraced former savings and loan chief. It wasn’t true, but other bloggers ran with it.

Among those taken in by Monday’s confession about the Palin Africa report was The New Republic's political blog. Later the magazine posted this atop the entry: “Oy — this would appear to be a hoax. Apologies.”

But the truth was out for all to see long before the big-name take-downs. For months sourcewatch.org has identified Martin Eisenstadt as a hoax. When Mr. Stein was the victim, he blogged that “there was enough info on the Web that I should have sussed this thing out.”

And then there is William K. Wolfrum, a blogger who has played Javert to Eisenstadt’s Valjean, tracking the hoaxster across cyberspace and repeatedly debunking his claims. Mr. Gorlin and Mr. Mirvish praised his tenacity, adding that the news media could learn something from him.

“As if there isn’t enough misinformation on this election, it was shocking to see so much time wasted on things that didn’t exist,” Mr. Wolfrum said in an interview.

And how can we know that Mr. Wolfrum is real and not part of the hoax?

Long pause. “Yeah, that’s a tough one.”

Beast of the Month - June 2007

Beast of the Month - June 2007
Alberto Gonzales, Attorney General

"I yam an anti-Christ... "
John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten) of The Sex Pistols, "Anarchy in the UK"

"Senator, that I don't recall remembering."
Alberto Gonzales before the Senate Judiciary Committee

As June begins, the smell of justice is in the air. After all, the noteworthy celebrity villain Paris Hilton is finally going to jail for her crimes against humanity.

Okay, maybe Paris isn't the most deserving candidate to stick up for, but with all the late-night talk show monologue snickering, somebody has to. Granted, the idea of Ms. Hilton's simple life turning into a Chained Heat lesbian prison film (perhaps featuring Sybil Danning in a cameo) certainly has its appeal, at least as a "reality" show or "home" video. But isn't all this focus on bad little Paris just making her a convenient scapegoat while the more substantive crimes of the Bush Administration continue to go unpunished? For example, is Paris a worse scofflaw than Alberto Gonzales, the Attorney General and The Konformist Beast of the Month?

To George W. Bush, a guy who loves giving out pet nicknames, Gonzales is referred to a Fredo, a fairly insulting reference to the incompetent member of The Godfather Corleone clan. Of course, considering Shrub's dismal record, he appears more suited for the Fredo name (although he must compete with his brother Neil for the title.) Others, most notably the Website Buzzflash.com, have given Gonzales the more deserving moniker of Consigliere, in honor of Robert Duvall's Tom Hagen in the Puzo-penned, Copolla-directed classic. He is, after all, Bush's little fixer of legal problems, a position he's held since 1996 when he got Bush off serving jury duty. (Shrub made a big show on how he was eager to serve on a jury like a "common man" - until he found out it was a drunk-driving case, which would require him to reveal his then covered-up history of driving smashed. In came Fredo, who argued that, as Governor, he may later be asked to pardon in the case, which would put him in conflict-of-interest if he sat on the jury.) Personally, we at The Konformist like to refer to Gonzales as "Sanjaya" since, whenever he opens his mouth, we wonder why he hasn't got his ass booted out of the DOJ already.

But unlike Sanjaya on American Idol, Gonzales is still the Attorney General because his miserable performance is precisely what Bush wants. For example, in April before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Gonzales, in the most embarrassing spectacle in front of the esteemed group since Clarence Thomas told Long Dong Silver jokes, used some version of "I don't recall" 71 times in testimony. At the time, Gonzales seemed dazed and confused, perhaps because conventional wisdom was he soon would be out of a job over the Attorney Firing Scandal (which prompted his testimony in the first place.) Even GOP Senators were publicly urging him to throw in the towel. Cut to May, and in front of the House Judiciary Committee, Gonzales, though still with a memory loss resembling Guy Pearce in Memento, seemed confident, relaxed, even a tad cocky with a smirk on his face. What caused the change? More than likely, Bush told him he wasn't going to dump him, perhaps because his unconvincing obfuscations have successfully hampered the Congressional investigations surrounding Bush.

Unsurprisingly, though the support of Fredo by Bush has apparently become even stronger, the evidence of corruption, malfeasance and abuse of power by Gonzales has become, incredibly, even greater since his April testimony. The biggest bombshell in May: testimony from former Deputy Attorney General James B. Comey that Gonzales and then Bush's Chief of Staff Andrew Card attempted to secretly visit then Attorney General John Ashcroft while he laid ill, medicated and disoriented in a hospital, in order to reauthorize a secret wiretapping program that Comey, then acting AG, refused to sign off on as legal. Only by rushing to Ashcroft's hospital with FBI Director Robert Mueller was this end-around stopped. As Comey put it: "I was very upset. I was angry. I thought I had just witnessed an effort to take advantage of a very sick man..."

This revelation is stunning on three counts. One, it shows that Ashcroft, for all his far-right political leanings, scary religious fundamentalism and point-man status for ramrodding the PATRIOT Act through Congress, was actually a stronger defender of civil liberties than Gonzales, which may have had something to do with his "resignation" in 2004. (Like Comey, Ashcroft was opposed to the warrantless wiretapping program.) Two, it shows that members of the Bush Team literally use gangster-type methods to get what they want. (No word if Gonzales and Card were going to leave a horse's head in Ashcroft's bed to clinch an offer he couldn't refuse.) And third, it hints at evidence that the NSA wiretapping program, already blatantly illegal with what is known about it, was at one point even more contemptuous of the law than what has been reported.

After the showdown, changes were made in the program that allowed Ashcroft to sign off on it. What were these changes? Both the New York Times and Washington Post have hinted at the likely answer, perhaps because, as has been the case over the Bush years, they have the evidence already but have decided to hide it from the public in collusion with the political establishment. To its usual credit, The World Socialist Web Site was explicit about the logical explanation in a May 18 article. The smoking gun appears to be Mueller's involvement in the dispute, who, like Ashcroft and Comey, considered resigning over the standoff. While Comey and even Ashcroft had every reason to take umbrage at the Bush Mob's defiance of their legal opinion, why would the FBI Director, no civil libertarian, give a rat's ass? The most plausible explanation: this was a turf battle, and while Mueller may not care about privacy rights, he DID care about protecting his FBI. More explicitly, the NSA historically has only been involved in international surveillance, while the FBI held domain in domestic spying. It seems Occam's Razor would suggest that, at least until the program was modified under protest by Ashcroft, Comey and Mueller, the warrantless NSA spying program involved communications completely within the United States. Of course, since Gonzales is now the man in the DOJ signing off on any programs, there is good reason to suspect that the secret spying program involves such communications again.

Of course, the NSA spying program is merely one of many outrages involving the Bush Team where Gonzales is a pivotal person. Among his most notorious hits:

* ATTORNEY FIRING SCANDAL: Eight US Attorneys were dumped from the DOJ last December. (One of the eight, David Iglesias, was the inspiration for the Tom Cruise character in the film A Few Good Men, who egged on Jack Nicholson's classic line, "You can't handle the truth!") At least 26 attorneys have been considered for firing since 2005, with three others receiving pink slips. Though it's customary for mass replacements in attorneys to occur at the start of a new administration, widespread mid-term firings are unprecedented, with only two in the previous quarter century for misconduct. While attorneys are appointments that can be hired and fired at will, in this case, it appears the vast majority were fired for blatantly partisan purposes. Specifically, four of the eleven fired were involved in key target areas for so-called "voter fraud" claims, under Karl Rove's cynical plan to use bogus election fraud investigations to suppress minority voters. The four were unwilling to press charges in the cases, and lost favor in the Bush Team for this. Meanwhile, five were involved in high-profile investigations of GOP figures, most notably Carol Lam, who nailed Congressman Randy "Duke" Cunningham for bribery. An email by Gonazales' chief of staff Kyle Sampson revealed that "loyal Bushies" were to replace the ousted prosecutors. All told, the scandal reveals a grotesque attempt to politicize the DOJ, with strong evidence of both voter fraud and obstruction of justice by the Bush gang. Further obstruction was done by Gonzales himself, who in a March 13 press conference declared about the scandal: "I never saw documents. We never had a discussion about where things stood." Ten days later, it was revealed he attended an hour-long meeting on November 27 where he approved a detailed plan for the mass firings. Meanwhile, in his testimony before the Senate, he claimed he left the decisions on firings to his staff, but internal emails later revealed he personally urged the ousting of Ms. Lam. Faced with evidence of perjury, even Gonzales has admitted: "incomplete information was communicated or may have been communicated to Congress."

* TORTURE & GENEVA CONVENTION VIOLATIONS: Gonzales authored a January 2002 memo that argued against the Geneva Convention applying to alleged Al Qaeda and Taliban fighters held in detention, declaring "a new paradigm renders obsolete Geneva's strict limitation on questioning of enemy prisoners and renders some of its provisions quaint." This memo led directly to the torture and abuse that followed in places such as Camp X-Ray and Abu Ghraib.

* REJECTION OF HABEAS CORPUS RIGHTS: In January, Gonzales, showing flawless logic, stated before the Senate Judiciary Committee: "There is no express grant of habeas in the Constitution. There is a prohibition against taking it away." This drew a stunned response from GOP Senator Arlen Specter: "Wait a minute. The Constitution says you can’t take it away, except in the case of rebellion or invasion. Doesn’t that mean you have the right of habeas corpus, unless there is an invasion or rebellion?" Gonzales didn't budge on his opinion. With the shameful passage of the Military Commissions Act last year, which allows those labeled "unlawful enemy combatants" to be stripped of habeas corpus, his translation of Constitutional rights is more than a mere philosophical disagreement.

* GOVERNMENT SECRECY: Gonzales drafted Executive Order 13233 (issued by Bush on November 1, 2001, soon after 9/11) placed limits on Freedom of Information Act access to records of former presidents. He also fought to keep Dick Cheney's Energy Task Force documents secret. In other words, while he's been rapidly invading the privacy of the American public, Gonzales has been pushing more secrecy for the Bush Mob.


Based on the above, there's no reason he should still be the Attorney General, but it appears, contrary to recent conventional wisdom, he's not going anywhere. After all, Bush is standing by him, and since Fredo is, above all, a "loyal Bushie" hack, that likely won't change any time soon. The only other way Gonzales can lose his job is if Congress impeaches him, but the Democrats, showing no sign of gonads, aren't up for such a fight (much less impeaching Cheney or Bush.) They have threatened a resolution of no-confidence, believing that would shame him and Bush into his resignation. Apparently they haven't been paying attention the last six and a half years.

Perhaps the only good thing to come out of Gonzales' term as AG: the American public has been saved the prospect of Fredo as a Supreme Court justice. His name had been floated as a Bush nominee, and since he was viewed as a "moderate" Republican, he seemed like a candidate who could sail through confirmation without much Democratic opposition. Thanks to his miserable record as AG, a future Justice Gonzales plan seems doomed. Still, that Gonzales could be a leading candidate for a powerful lifetime appointment by the Bush Team shouldn't leave Americans feeling to confident about the future of justice in the USA.

In any case, we salute Aberto Gonzales as Beast of the Month. Congratulations, and keep up the great work, Al!!!

Sources:

Cohn, Marjorie. "The Quaint Mr. Gonzales." Truthout 13 November 2004 <http://www.truthout.org/docs_04/111304A.shtml>.

Collins, Michael. "Did Bush Commit Election Fraud?" Scoop 23 April 2007 <http://www.scoop.co.nz/stories/HL0704/S00350.htm>.

Crawford Greenburg, Jan and de Vogue, Ariane. "Gonzales Contradicts His Own Testimony." ABC News 16 April 2007 <http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/story?id=3046651&page=1>.

Egelko, Bob. "Gonzales Says the Constitution Doesn't Guarantee Habeas Corpus." San Francisco Chronicle 24 January 2007 <http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2007/01/24/MNGDONO11O1.DTL>.

Eggen,Dan and Goldstein, Amy. "Voter-Fraud Complaints by GOP Drove Dismissals." Washington Post 14 May 2007.

Eggen,Dan and Kane, Paul. "Karl Rove Knew About Firings, E-Mails Show." Washington Post 16 March 2007.

Isikoff, Michael. "Gonzales: Did He Help Bush Keep His DUI Quiet?" Newsweek 31 January 2005.

Kay, Joe. "Former Justice Department Official Describes Illegal Actions by Bush Administration in Defense of Domestic Spying." World Socialist Web Site 17 May 2007 <http://wsws.org/articles/2007/may2007/come-m17.shtml>.

Kay, Joe. "Former Justice Department Official's Testimony Raises Question: How Extensive Is Police State Spying in the US?" World Socialist Web Site 18 May 2007 <http://wsws.org/articles/2007/may2007/come-m18.shtml>.

Kellman, Laurie. "White House Pressed Ashcroft on Wiretaps." Associated Press 15 May 2007 <http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070515/ap_on_go_co/eavesdropping>.

"Married to the Mob, the Story of Alberto G." BuzzFlash 17 May 2007 <http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/editorials/135>.

Palast, Greg. "Fired Prosecuters: Rove's 'Obstruction of Justice?'" GregPalast.com 14 May 2007 <http://www.gregpalast.com/investigative-journalist-greg-palast-reports-on-the-firing-of-new-mexico-attorney-david-iglesias>.

Rich, Frank. "When Will Fredo Get Whacked?" New York Times 25 March 2007.

Scelfo, Julie. "Quite Unprecedented." Newsweek 15 March 2007 <http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17627519/site/newsweek/page/0/>.

Corporate Media Entertains but Fails to Inform

http://www.buzzflash.com/articles/contributors/1094

Peter Phillips and Kate Sims: Corporate Media Entertains but Fails to Inform
Submitted by BuzzFlash on Fri, 06/22/2007
A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION
by Peter Phillips and Kate Sims
Project Censored

"Paris Hilton's Symptoms Said to be from Prescription Drug Withdrawal," was the headline news on the Fox News Channel on June 13, 2007. This was the 56th headline on Paris Hilton covered by Fox in the previous 30 days. Even The New York Times got in on the Paris Hilton hoopla with a front-page story June 9 entitled "Celebrity Justice Cuts Both Ways for Paris Hilton."

Regular readers of Project Censored are familiar with our annual list of Junk Food News -- in which we select a list of the dumbest, least important, most overplayed stories of the year. Almost certainly, the incarceration of Paris Hilton will feature prominently in next year's Junk Food edition, but it will have to wait until then to be considered.

Meanwhile, here are the Junk Food News stories of Project Censored's annual April-to-April listing for 2006-07:

1. Britney Spears has a meltdown
2. Anna Nicole has a baby
3. Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have a baby and adopt others
4. Jon Benet "killer" is a fraud
5. The rise and fall of OJ Simpson's book
6. The feud between the Donald and the O'Donnell
7. Miss USA "party girl" drinks and takes drugs
8. Paul McCartney's divorce
9. An astronaut wears a diaper to attack her romantic rival
10. Madonna adopts an African baby

Moving up from number 7 last year to number 1 on this year's Junk Food list is none other than Britney Spears. On February 17, Ms. Spears was photographed in a Los Angeles salon receiving a buzz cut. The corporate media went into frenzied overdrive, offering incessant speculation on why poor Britney might be coming unglued. While undeniably important to 13-year-olds, adults might have been interested to hear about the newly released analysis of 2005 census figures showing that nearly 16 million Americans are currently living in deep or severe poverty. Mainstream news anchors had enough time to wonder if Ms. Spears was too young and immature for the pressures of motherhood. Yet, they weren't able to squeeze in the fact that female-headed families with children account for the lion's share of the severely poor.

During the recent Paris Hilton exposition, the Senate Judiciary Committee passed the Habeas Corpus Restoration Act, without a peep from Fox or The New York Times. Apparently the corporate media is too busy entertaining us to cover the most serious civil liberties issue in America. The Military Commissions Act of last October made it legal for the President to suspend Habeas Corpus for any person, citizen or not. While Democrats in the Senate are trying to restore this basic legal right, the corporate media seems more concerned with keeping us up-to-date on how much phone time Paris gets while in jail.

On September 7, 2006, Anna Nicole Smith gave birth to a baby girl and everyone held his or her breath for the ultimate piece of the puzzle, who was the father? For those of you who missed it, the birth certificate listed none other than Anna Nicole's personal attorney Howard K. Stern. Now for those of you who didn't miss the Anna Nicole goings-on, here's what you did miss: A September 2006 report found that the Iraq violent death toll for August was three times larger than the preliminary count. The final tally disproved official U.S. and Iraqi claims that a "security crackdown" had led to a drop in the number of deaths that month.

In the early afternoon of February 8, 2007, Anna Nicole Smith was found unresponsive in her hotel room, rushed to the hospital, and pronounced DOA at 2:49 p.m. While this story filled the corporate media in the U.S., that same week, the former U.S. Ambassador of Iraq failed to explain what happened to $12 billion in newly printed, shrink-wrapped, $100 bills that he had flown to Baghdad, and had since been misplaced.

We are now in an era of witnessing corporate media's complete failure to keep us informed on powerful issues that concern all Americans. We deserve better and must remedy this situation by building tax supported independent media and returning investigative reporting to the American people.

A BUZZFLASH GUEST CONTRIBUTION

Peter Phillips is a Professor of Sociology at Sonoma State University. Kate Sims is a staff researcher with Project Censored. SSU students Jocelyn Thomas, Toni Faye Catelani, Jenni Leys, and Christina Carey assisted with research on this op-ed. The full report can be seen at: http://www.projectcensored.org/.