Zeroes for the Zeroes
Robert Sterling, Konformist.com
http://robalini.blogspot.com/
11-25-2010
If there's one thing people love, it's lists. And after the end of each decade, a common thing to do is come up with a list of the greatest movies of the decade.
At The Konformist, we've decided to take the opposite tactic. Let others celebrate the best of the decade, we're going to focus on the worst. Here then, on the first Thanksgiving of the new decade, is The Konformist list of the top 25 Turkeys of the 2000s.
First, lets define this list: a Turkey movie is one that is not merely bad, but is an icon of bad film. These are movies that people cite and often seek for their innate badness. Thus, it can be argued that being a Turkey is a good thing. As the saying goes, "Love me or hate me, you can't ignore me." These are movies that can't be ignored.
Please note that this isn't a personal list, which would be quite different. Instead, this list is based on a secret mathematical formula, which includes information from IMDB.com, RottenTomatoes.com, BoxOfficeMojo.com and Razzies.com, along with Google and Yahoo searches. In cases where more than one movie in a series would make the list, the best (or worst) example of the series is cited, with the others receiving honorable mention.
Enough said. Gobble gobble!
25. 10,000 BC (2008)
Director Roland Emmerich is best known this decade for making dumb but entertaining blockbusters, such as The Patriot, The Day After Tomorrow and 2012. (This is a formula he perfected in 1996 with Independence Day.) 10,000 BC is his dumbest and least entertaining movie of the zeroes. Bonus Turkey points for not having the good sense to include a Racquel Welch lookalike prancing around half-naked.
24. Norbit (2007)
Less than a year after nearly winning an Oscar for Dreamgirls, Eddie Murphy won three Golden Rasberry Awards for his three rolls in this stinker that buried a potential career comeback.
23. Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007)
One dumb action film inspired by a comic book series can be fun, but a sequel? Not so much. Wisely, 20th Century Fox chose not to screen this movie to critics.
22. Glitter (2001)
A movie so bad, it nearly destroyed Mariah Carey's career and probably fueled her emotional breakdown. A tragedy for the greatest vocal talent this side of Whitney Houston over the last 25 years, that makes the film the equivalent of Bobby Brown on crack.
21. Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)
Not that the first Angels film was a masterpiece, but at least it was entertaining. This sequel wasn't, and helped cement McG as one of the most notorious hack directors around.
20. Ultraviolet (2006)
Milla Jovovich is an actress whose beauty matches her immense talent. Unfortunately, because of her beauty, she rarely gets the chance to use it in film, and this sci-fi clunker is the worst example of wasting her skills.
19. Scary Movie 2 (2001)
When did the creators of In Living Color become not funny? This is the film where the Wayan Brothers jumped the shark. A sequel for the more entertaining first movie of the series, it helped pave the way for future Wayan stinkers like White Chicks and Little Man, as well as the entire Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer Blank Movie series.
18. Pearl Harbor (2001)
The movie that has defined the career of director Michael Bay, for better and worse. Okay, for worse. Bonus Turkey points for being mocked in Team America: World Police.
17. The Happening (2008)
When the Zeroes began, M. Night Shyamalan was the hot promising director, courtesy of his clever plot twist flick The Sixth Sense. Each movie that followed was worst than the previous one, climaxing with this bomb starring Marky Mark. It now seems no plot twist can save his career.
16. Dragonball Evolution (2009)
If George Lucas earned hatred for Episodes 1-3 by Star Wars cultists, he's lucky not to face the wrath of the anime fans. Dragonball Evolution gets major bonus Turkey points for being so despised by such a large and devoted Internet community.
15. You Got Served (2004)
How did a film this lousy inspire a "Dance Movie" fad after its release? Bonus Turkey Points for including K-Fed in its cast.
14. Wicker Man (2006)
Ten years after winning the Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas, Nicholas Cage starred in this remake of a horror classic. It exemplifies how his name has become code for "respected actor trading in his cred for easy money in pure schlock."
13. Son of the Mask (2005)
Eleven years after The Mask helped make Jim Carrey a star, this sequel was released without him. Poor Jamie Kennedy was left holding the bag.
12. Crossroads (2002)
Marrying K-Fed, being singled out by Michael Moore for mockery in Fahrenheit 9/11 and her infamous VMA Awards performance certainly are lowlights of the downward spiral Britney Spears had this decade. Still, starring in one of the worst movies from the Zeroes certainly qualifies as one of her top "Jump the Shark" moments. Bonus Turkey points for singing her version of "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" in the flick.
11. BloodRayne (2006)
Turkey auteur Uwe Boll just misses the top 10 with this crappy film based on a video game. Don't worry, there's more where this one came from.
10. Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience (2009)
A Jonas Brothers concert? The worst use of 3D technology ever. Bonus Turkey points for the purity rings.
9. From Justin to Kelly (2003)
American Idol may be the most popular TV show of the decade, but it didn't translate well to film. In 2005, named the worst musical of the past quarter century by the Golden Raspberry Awards.
8. House of the Dead (2003)
The second Uwe Boll video game adaptation to make this list, this is the film that introduced the world to Boll's unique talents.
7. The Hottie and the Nottie (2008)
Any film starring Paris Hilton is almost begging to be put on this list. We've decided not to disappoint the makers of this dud.
6. Alone in the Dark (2005)
The third and highest ranked video game adaptation from Uwe Boll on this list. This crapperpiece can be summed it one sentence: Tara Reid as an archaeologist and museum curator. Sorry Tara, but you're no Harrison Ford.
5. Catwoman (2004)
Halle Berry won a Best Actress Oscar (the first for any African-American woman) for her performance in Monster's Ball in 2001. In 2002, she became the sexiest Bond girl this side of Ursulla Andress. Two years later, she starred in this kitty litter of a movie, and her career hasn't been the same. Bonus Turkey points for being directed by a French guy named Pitof.
4. Gigli (2003)
The movie that melded Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez into one, something that will haunt both of them for the rest of their lives. The Golden Raspberries named it the worst comedy of the past quarter century in 2005. Bonus Turkey points for the worst line of dialogue from the decade, when J.Lo attempts to seduce Ben with "Gobble gobble."
3. Twilight: New Moon (2009)
A Turkey which is unique in that nearly half of its audience didn't even want to see it. Seriously, has there ever been a movie where this many guys were dragged to by their girlfriends and forced to endure? The first Twilight was bad enough, but this one gets bonus Turkey points for the whole "Team Edward or Team Jacob" marketing plan. (Although it must be said that Taylor Lautner does have nice abs.)
Dishonorable Mention: Twilight (2008)
2. Battlefield Earth (2000)
Roger Ebert put it best: "Something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies." Nuff said. The Golden Raspberries named it the worst drama of the past quarter century in 2005 and worst film of the decade in 2010.
And finally:
1. Epic Movie (2007)
Sorry, Travolta, but you've been topped in decade stinkerdom. The winner is this entry from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer in their atrocious Blank Movie series, which has surpassed Police Academy as the worst film series in movie history. They're all terrible, but Epic Movie deserves special note as the film that made the whole Blank Movie series a fad that couldn't be ignored
Dishonorable Mention: Date Movie (2006), Meet the Spartans (2008), Disaster Movie (2008)
Hope you enjoyed this list, and feel free to watch some of these movies with some tasty turkey leftovers this weekend!
Showing posts with label Ben Affleck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ben Affleck. Show all posts
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Ubisoft subsumes Tom Clancy
http://www.gamespot.com/news/6188151.html
Ubisoft subsumes Tom Clancy, new MMOG en route?
Author-inspired techno-military media empire--including book, film, and game rights--purchased by Rainbow Six publisher; CEO Yves Guillemot says Ubi looking at massively multiplayer project.
This week began with news that Sam Raimi, director of the Spider-Man and Evil Dead trilogies, was in talks to resurrect film hero Jack Ryan. The marine-turned-CIA-analyst-turned-reluctant-hero was played by Alec Baldwin in The Hunt for Red October (1988) and Harrison Ford in Patriot Games (1992) and Clear and Present Danger (1994). In 2002, an attempt was made to reboot the series with Ben Affleck in The Sum of All Fears (2002).
The now even-wealthier Tom Clancy. However, the character of Jack Ryan was famous long before his film debut. He was the preeminent literary cold warrior in 1980s fiction, starring in a series of novels by Tom Clancy. Clancy's military expertise and fast-paced writing style made every one of his 14-plus books a bestseller, which made the author rich enough to attempt to buy the Minnesota Vikings football team in 1998.
Though that deal eventually fell through, the 20 years since his first novel was published have seen Tom Clancy become less of an author and more of a brand. Besides the aforementioned films, his name is plastered on several series of books by other authors, including Tom Clancy's Ops Center and Tom Clancy's NetForce.
The past 10 years have also seen the Tom Clancy brand become a heavy hitter in the game industry, with the Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six, Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell, and Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon series selling tens of millions of copies on every platform. Two new franchises, Tom Clancy's Air Combat and Tom Clancy's EndWar, are also in development, the latter of which already has a best-selling novel complementing it.
With the Tom Clancy brand showing no signs of slowing down in gaming, Ubisoft has cut a deal with the 61-year-old author. Today, the Paris-based publisher of every Tom Clancy game announced it has acquired rights to the Tom Clancy name in virtually all forms of media. Under the deal, Ubisoft now has all rights "on a perpetual basis and free of all related future royalty payments" to make or license Tom Clancy-branded "video games and ancillary products including related books, movies, and merchandising products."
Though Ubisoft is publicly traded on the Paris Bourse, it did not disclose the amount it paid to Clancy to own his birth name. However, the company did drop some hints when it said that not having to pay royalties to Clancy would have "an average positive impact on Ubisoft's operating income of a minimum of 5 million euros ($7.7 million) per year." It also said it would be paying Clancy in four installments over its next three fiscal years. When its current fiscal year ends on March 31, 2008, the company predicts to have 130 million euros ($200 million) in cash reserves.
In a conference call with analysts after the announcement, Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot further outlined his company's plans for the Tom Clancy license. First, though, he talked up the strength of the Tom Clancy brand, saying it was the number-two brand in the US last year in terms of sales, according to the NPD group. He also said that the most recent game to bear the author's name, Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas 2, had already shipped 1 million copies in the US, half of which he expected to sell in the first week after the game's March 18 release.
Guillemot also said that the acquisition of the Clancy brand will lead to Ubisoft "becoming a major player" in both book publishing and film production. He said the company retains full rights to future print and celluloid offshoots of Tom Clancy branded films, and also that the company was exploring television and online video offerings related to existing brands.
To that end, Guillemot talked up how Ubisoft now has "complete editorial control" over the Tom Clancy brands, which would allow characters from one of the various series bearing the name to appear in another. This crossover potential would be especially important in games, he said, declaring, "It will allow for cross-fertilization of characters between games like Super Smash Bros."
The executive also revealed that another big factor in the acquisition was the fact the deal allows Ubisoft to explore a Tom Clancy-branded massively multiplayer project. "We will be able to adapt the brand to new formats, in particular the MMO format, where the royalties were a big thing holding us back," said Guillemot. Though no specific game was announced, his was reminiscent of those of Activision CEO Bobby Kotick, who recently dropped a huge hint to a group of investors his company was considering a massively multiplayer project based on the Call of Duty series.
That said, Guillemot also revealed the Clancy deal's limitations. For one, it doesn't include exclusive rights to Clancy's past catalog of books, the rights to which are shared among several parties. Second, the deal does not include rights to books or films set in the Rainbow Six universe, which remain with another, undisclosed party.
By Tor Thorsen -- GameSpot
Posted Mar 20, 2008
Ubisoft subsumes Tom Clancy, new MMOG en route?
Author-inspired techno-military media empire--including book, film, and game rights--purchased by Rainbow Six publisher; CEO Yves Guillemot says Ubi looking at massively multiplayer project.
This week began with news that Sam Raimi, director of the Spider-Man and Evil Dead trilogies, was in talks to resurrect film hero Jack Ryan. The marine-turned-CIA-analyst-turned-reluctant-hero was played by Alec Baldwin in The Hunt for Red October (1988) and Harrison Ford in Patriot Games (1992) and Clear and Present Danger (1994). In 2002, an attempt was made to reboot the series with Ben Affleck in The Sum of All Fears (2002).
The now even-wealthier Tom Clancy. However, the character of Jack Ryan was famous long before his film debut. He was the preeminent literary cold warrior in 1980s fiction, starring in a series of novels by Tom Clancy. Clancy's military expertise and fast-paced writing style made every one of his 14-plus books a bestseller, which made the author rich enough to attempt to buy the Minnesota Vikings football team in 1998.
Though that deal eventually fell through, the 20 years since his first novel was published have seen Tom Clancy become less of an author and more of a brand. Besides the aforementioned films, his name is plastered on several series of books by other authors, including Tom Clancy's Ops Center and Tom Clancy's NetForce.
The past 10 years have also seen the Tom Clancy brand become a heavy hitter in the game industry, with the Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six, Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell, and Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon series selling tens of millions of copies on every platform. Two new franchises, Tom Clancy's Air Combat and Tom Clancy's EndWar, are also in development, the latter of which already has a best-selling novel complementing it.
With the Tom Clancy brand showing no signs of slowing down in gaming, Ubisoft has cut a deal with the 61-year-old author. Today, the Paris-based publisher of every Tom Clancy game announced it has acquired rights to the Tom Clancy name in virtually all forms of media. Under the deal, Ubisoft now has all rights "on a perpetual basis and free of all related future royalty payments" to make or license Tom Clancy-branded "video games and ancillary products including related books, movies, and merchandising products."
Though Ubisoft is publicly traded on the Paris Bourse, it did not disclose the amount it paid to Clancy to own his birth name. However, the company did drop some hints when it said that not having to pay royalties to Clancy would have "an average positive impact on Ubisoft's operating income of a minimum of 5 million euros ($7.7 million) per year." It also said it would be paying Clancy in four installments over its next three fiscal years. When its current fiscal year ends on March 31, 2008, the company predicts to have 130 million euros ($200 million) in cash reserves.
In a conference call with analysts after the announcement, Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot further outlined his company's plans for the Tom Clancy license. First, though, he talked up the strength of the Tom Clancy brand, saying it was the number-two brand in the US last year in terms of sales, according to the NPD group. He also said that the most recent game to bear the author's name, Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six Vegas 2, had already shipped 1 million copies in the US, half of which he expected to sell in the first week after the game's March 18 release.
Guillemot also said that the acquisition of the Clancy brand will lead to Ubisoft "becoming a major player" in both book publishing and film production. He said the company retains full rights to future print and celluloid offshoots of Tom Clancy branded films, and also that the company was exploring television and online video offerings related to existing brands.
To that end, Guillemot talked up how Ubisoft now has "complete editorial control" over the Tom Clancy brands, which would allow characters from one of the various series bearing the name to appear in another. This crossover potential would be especially important in games, he said, declaring, "It will allow for cross-fertilization of characters between games like Super Smash Bros."
The executive also revealed that another big factor in the acquisition was the fact the deal allows Ubisoft to explore a Tom Clancy-branded massively multiplayer project. "We will be able to adapt the brand to new formats, in particular the MMO format, where the royalties were a big thing holding us back," said Guillemot. Though no specific game was announced, his was reminiscent of those of Activision CEO Bobby Kotick, who recently dropped a huge hint to a group of investors his company was considering a massively multiplayer project based on the Call of Duty series.
That said, Guillemot also revealed the Clancy deal's limitations. For one, it doesn't include exclusive rights to Clancy's past catalog of books, the rights to which are shared among several parties. Second, the deal does not include rights to books or films set in the Rainbow Six universe, which remain with another, undisclosed party.
By Tor Thorsen -- GameSpot
Posted Mar 20, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Jimmy Kimmel Is, Well, 'Dating' Ben Affleck
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20180150,00.html
So Long, Sarah! Jimmy Kimmel Is, Well, 'Dating' Ben Affleck
By Stephen M. Silverman
Originally posted Monday February 25, 2008
As threatened, Jimmy Kimmel has blasted back at girlfriend Sarah Silverman in the wake of her recent revelation – in an hysterical music video – that she and PEOPLE's Sexiest Man Alive Matt Damon are intimate.
Her song: "I'm F---ing Matt Damon." Kimmel's song of revenge, unveiled on his ABC show Jimmy Kimmel Live Sunday night immediately after the Oscars: "I'm F---ing Ben Affleck."
"Matt, Sarah, this is for you," said Kimmel, noting that Silverman and Damon's music video has been seen by about 8 million people on ABC.com and YouTube.
And the hilarious new clip – in which the two are seen giving each other pedicures before Affleck tweaks Kimmel's bare chest – isn't just a duet: It's an all-star performance on par with "We Are the World."
When it comes to backup singers, Kimmel somehow managed to round up a who's-who of the entertainment industry, including Don Cheadle, Ashlee Simpson, Robin Williams, Cameron Diaz, Huey Lewis, Christina Applegate, Joan Jett, Macy Gray, Benji and Joel Madden, Lance Bass, Josh Groban and Harrison Ford – who blows the new couple a kiss.
Costarring Brad Pitt
Even Brad Pitt makes a cameo, albeit in a non-singing role. He plays a FedEx deliveryman who brings a cake of congratulations to Kimmel and Affleck.
Kimmel and Affleck also stand nose to nose in the video, and all but kiss. As Robin Williams rhapsodizes, "This is not a man crush."
"The reason I did it like this, I didn't want my parents finding out from the tabloids," Kimmel said after showing the video.
Affleck said his wife, Jennifer Garner, didn't take the news very well. "Thank God my daughter is too young [to understand]," added the actor, referring to 2-year-old Violet.
Retorted a straight-faced Kimmel, "Well, she's our daughter now."
So Long, Sarah! Jimmy Kimmel Is, Well, 'Dating' Ben Affleck
By Stephen M. Silverman
Originally posted Monday February 25, 2008
As threatened, Jimmy Kimmel has blasted back at girlfriend Sarah Silverman in the wake of her recent revelation – in an hysterical music video – that she and PEOPLE's Sexiest Man Alive Matt Damon are intimate.
Her song: "I'm F---ing Matt Damon." Kimmel's song of revenge, unveiled on his ABC show Jimmy Kimmel Live Sunday night immediately after the Oscars: "I'm F---ing Ben Affleck."
"Matt, Sarah, this is for you," said Kimmel, noting that Silverman and Damon's music video has been seen by about 8 million people on ABC.com and YouTube.
And the hilarious new clip – in which the two are seen giving each other pedicures before Affleck tweaks Kimmel's bare chest – isn't just a duet: It's an all-star performance on par with "We Are the World."
When it comes to backup singers, Kimmel somehow managed to round up a who's-who of the entertainment industry, including Don Cheadle, Ashlee Simpson, Robin Williams, Cameron Diaz, Huey Lewis, Christina Applegate, Joan Jett, Macy Gray, Benji and Joel Madden, Lance Bass, Josh Groban and Harrison Ford – who blows the new couple a kiss.
Costarring Brad Pitt
Even Brad Pitt makes a cameo, albeit in a non-singing role. He plays a FedEx deliveryman who brings a cake of congratulations to Kimmel and Affleck.
Kimmel and Affleck also stand nose to nose in the video, and all but kiss. As Robin Williams rhapsodizes, "This is not a man crush."
"The reason I did it like this, I didn't want my parents finding out from the tabloids," Kimmel said after showing the video.
Affleck said his wife, Jennifer Garner, didn't take the news very well. "Thank God my daughter is too young [to understand]," added the actor, referring to 2-year-old Violet.
Retorted a straight-faced Kimmel, "Well, she's our daughter now."
Friday, February 15, 2008
10 Most Mismatched Movie Couples
http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/10mostmismatchedcouples.html
10 Most Mismatched Movie Couples
Nick Nolte & Julia Roberts
I Love Trouble - 1994
In the early 90's, Julia came out of nowhere to become the biggest female star in the world. Nick was named People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" in 1992. So why not pair them together in a screwball comedy about dueling reporters? Because he was nearly twice her age, and both of them appeared to be painfully aware of that fact.
Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez
Gigli - 2003
Ah, "Gigli." The makers of "Ishtar" thank you for replacing their movie title as the funny word that means "embarrassing flop." Ben and J.Lo met on the set of their ill-conceived gangster-meets-lesbian love story, and the tabloids were packed with stories about them every week thereafter. Still, real life sparks don't always translate to the screen, and the movie's failure killed the couple's future.
Harrison Ford & Anne Heche
Six Days, Seven Nights - 1998
When Anne Heche was cast in this romantic action movie, she was a little-known but well-respected actress. By the time the film hit screens, everybody knew her as Ellen DeGeneres' girlfriend. But even without the real world intruding, there's no way anyone would buy the 29-year-old Heche and 56-year-old Ford ending up together, no matter how much time they spent on a desert island.
Kevin Spacey & Kate Bosworth
Beyond the Sea - 2004
The real Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee were quite an odd couple. He was a balding singer from the Bronx; she was a 16-year-old movie star. But somehow they made it work. In the movie of Darin's life, however, Spacey and Bosworth were completely unbelievable. It didn't help that Spacey was eight years older than the actual Darin ever lived to be. At least his hairline fit the part.
Hayden Christensen & Natalie Portman
Star Wars - Episode II and Episode III - 2002/2005
After watching the uncomfortable scenes with Natalie Portman and 10-year-old Jake Lloyd in The Phantom Menace, Star Wars fans everywhere thought, "It can't get worse than this." Oh, how little they knew. For the next two prequels, they were faced with Portman and Christensen stiffly reciting George Lucas' leaden dialogue. When the giant lizard Obi-Wan rides is more convincing than their romance, it's enough to make you want to scream "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Madonna & Adriano Giannini
Swept Away - 2002
The original Italian 1974 film "Swept Away," was an examination of class and gender issues. Guy Ritchie's 2002 remake is an examination of his wife's dedication to Pilates. Watching this movie makes you not only question why Madonna would fall for Adriano Giannini's crude and abusive fisherman, but why she thought it'd be a good idea to make another movie with her spouse after having already bombed with her previous husband Sean Penn in "Shanghai Surprise."
Dan Aykroyd & Rosie O'Donnell
Exit to Eden - 1994
"Exit to Eden" was a dark, romantic novel by "Interview With a Vampire" author Anne Rice about bondage and S&M. Who better, then, to turn it into a movie than the creator of "Mork and Mindy?" An even better question: what movie executive thought that the formula for box office gold was putting Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O'Donnell in skimpy studded leather outfits? As the comic relief they are painfully unfunny, and not even the kind of painful that a dominatrix would enjoy.
Justin Guarini & Kelly Clarkson
From Justin to Kelly - 2003
Casting the first and second place finishers of "American Idol" in the lead roles of a movie is sort of like letting the "Top Chef" winners perform your appendectomy. You would think being on a TV show together would make both Justin and Kelly comfortable being in the presence of both a camera and each other, but they look lost without Simon around to berate them. At least the dismal failure of the movie insured that we wouldn't be subjected to "From Jordin to Sanjaya."
Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy
Norbit - 2006
It took 25 years of hard work for Eddie Murphy to go from "Saturday Night Live" cast member to Oscar-nominated thespian. But it took just 2-1/2 minutes of the "Norbit" trailer to kill any hope he ever had of being taken seriously again. As both the nerdy title character and his overweight and domineering wife Rasputia, Murphy proved he can be supremely unpleasant no matter what size or gender.
Woody Allen & Any Actress 20+ Years Younger than Him
It was always part of the comedy in Woody Allen's early movies how a bespectacled, awkward guy like him could end up with gorgeous women. Unfortunately, no one ever let Woody in on the joke. And by the time he was casting women like Téa Leoni (31 years younger than him) and Julia Roberts (32), it really stopped being funny. The most absurd: when his character in "The Curse of the Jade Scorpion" is seduced by Charlize Theron (four decades younger than Woody).
10 Most Mismatched Movie Couples
Nick Nolte & Julia Roberts
I Love Trouble - 1994
In the early 90's, Julia came out of nowhere to become the biggest female star in the world. Nick was named People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" in 1992. So why not pair them together in a screwball comedy about dueling reporters? Because he was nearly twice her age, and both of them appeared to be painfully aware of that fact.
Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez
Gigli - 2003
Ah, "Gigli." The makers of "Ishtar" thank you for replacing their movie title as the funny word that means "embarrassing flop." Ben and J.Lo met on the set of their ill-conceived gangster-meets-lesbian love story, and the tabloids were packed with stories about them every week thereafter. Still, real life sparks don't always translate to the screen, and the movie's failure killed the couple's future.
Harrison Ford & Anne Heche
Six Days, Seven Nights - 1998
When Anne Heche was cast in this romantic action movie, she was a little-known but well-respected actress. By the time the film hit screens, everybody knew her as Ellen DeGeneres' girlfriend. But even without the real world intruding, there's no way anyone would buy the 29-year-old Heche and 56-year-old Ford ending up together, no matter how much time they spent on a desert island.
Kevin Spacey & Kate Bosworth
Beyond the Sea - 2004
The real Bobby Darin and Sandra Dee were quite an odd couple. He was a balding singer from the Bronx; she was a 16-year-old movie star. But somehow they made it work. In the movie of Darin's life, however, Spacey and Bosworth were completely unbelievable. It didn't help that Spacey was eight years older than the actual Darin ever lived to be. At least his hairline fit the part.
Hayden Christensen & Natalie Portman
Star Wars - Episode II and Episode III - 2002/2005
After watching the uncomfortable scenes with Natalie Portman and 10-year-old Jake Lloyd in The Phantom Menace, Star Wars fans everywhere thought, "It can't get worse than this." Oh, how little they knew. For the next two prequels, they were faced with Portman and Christensen stiffly reciting George Lucas' leaden dialogue. When the giant lizard Obi-Wan rides is more convincing than their romance, it's enough to make you want to scream "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Madonna & Adriano Giannini
Swept Away - 2002
The original Italian 1974 film "Swept Away," was an examination of class and gender issues. Guy Ritchie's 2002 remake is an examination of his wife's dedication to Pilates. Watching this movie makes you not only question why Madonna would fall for Adriano Giannini's crude and abusive fisherman, but why she thought it'd be a good idea to make another movie with her spouse after having already bombed with her previous husband Sean Penn in "Shanghai Surprise."
Dan Aykroyd & Rosie O'Donnell
Exit to Eden - 1994
"Exit to Eden" was a dark, romantic novel by "Interview With a Vampire" author Anne Rice about bondage and S&M. Who better, then, to turn it into a movie than the creator of "Mork and Mindy?" An even better question: what movie executive thought that the formula for box office gold was putting Dan Aykroyd and Rosie O'Donnell in skimpy studded leather outfits? As the comic relief they are painfully unfunny, and not even the kind of painful that a dominatrix would enjoy.
Justin Guarini & Kelly Clarkson
From Justin to Kelly - 2003
Casting the first and second place finishers of "American Idol" in the lead roles of a movie is sort of like letting the "Top Chef" winners perform your appendectomy. You would think being on a TV show together would make both Justin and Kelly comfortable being in the presence of both a camera and each other, but they look lost without Simon around to berate them. At least the dismal failure of the movie insured that we wouldn't be subjected to "From Jordin to Sanjaya."
Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy
Norbit - 2006
It took 25 years of hard work for Eddie Murphy to go from "Saturday Night Live" cast member to Oscar-nominated thespian. But it took just 2-1/2 minutes of the "Norbit" trailer to kill any hope he ever had of being taken seriously again. As both the nerdy title character and his overweight and domineering wife Rasputia, Murphy proved he can be supremely unpleasant no matter what size or gender.
Woody Allen & Any Actress 20+ Years Younger than Him
It was always part of the comedy in Woody Allen's early movies how a bespectacled, awkward guy like him could end up with gorgeous women. Unfortunately, no one ever let Woody in on the joke. And by the time he was casting women like Téa Leoni (31 years younger than him) and Julia Roberts (32), it really stopped being funny. The most absurd: when his character in "The Curse of the Jade Scorpion" is seduced by Charlize Theron (four decades younger than Woody).
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