Excerpt: 'Captain Underpants'

January 14, 2013
http://www.npr.org/books/titles/169328255/captain-underpants-and-the-revolting-revenge-of-the-radioactive-robo-boxers?tab=excerpt

CHAPTER 12

CALLING ALL CAVEMEN

"How are we ever going to get out of THIS mess?" asked Harold.

"I don't know," said George. "But we're going to need Tippy Tinkletrousers if we ever want to get back home!"

"Are you kidding?" said Harold. "We can't trust that guy! He can't even trust himself!"

"I know," said George. "But Tippy has a time machine, and we don't. So we're going to have to defeat him!"

"But we'd need an army to defeat that guy," said Harold.

"So let's go get an army," said George.

The four friends glided above the grassy plains as they followed the sounds of beating drums. Soon, they arrived at the forest.

The drumming was getting louder. Crackers swooped down and landed behind some bushes near the caves. Just beyond them was the cavepeople village.

George and Harold and Crackers and Sulu peeked over the thick bushes as they watched the cavemen and cavewomen go about their daily routines. They seemed peaceful, so George decided to speak up.

"Hello!" said George. "We come in peace! We are friends!" The cavepeople looked confused and startled. They did not seem to understand.

"Maybe they don't speak English," said Harold.

"Ellohay!" said George (who only spoke one other language). "Eway omecay inway eacepay! Eway areway iendsfray!"

That didn't work either.

The cavepeople grunted and sniffed at George and Harold and their pets. But they said nothing. Suddenly, off in the distance, the sounds of gigantic footsteps came thundering through the deep forest. Tippy was coming, and he was getting closer and closer with each terrifying stomp.

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THAT VILLAGE!" Tippy screamed. "But you can't hide from ME!!!"

Tippy crashed through the trees and stomped into the village, kicking over huts and smooshing everything in sight. The terrified cavepeople grabbed their children and ran for the safety of the caves behind their village. George and Harold and Crackers and Sulu ran into the caves also, and hid with the cavepeople in the darkness as the destruction outside continued.

After a while, some caveteenagers started a campfire. The flickering light illuminated the massive walls of the caves as the cavepeople whimpered and huddled together in horror. "Wow!" said George. "Some army they turned out to be!"

"It's not their fault," said Harold. "They've never seen giant Robo-Pants before. They're just scared!"

"If we could only communicate with them," said George. "There's gotta be some way to reach them!"

Harold looked up at the giant, blank walls of the cave. "How about pictures?" he asked. "Hey! Good idea," said George.

Harold walked over to the campfire and grabbed a charred, smoking stick from the burning cinders. Then he went to one side of the giant cave and started to create the world's first cave drawing.

At first, the cavepeople were astonished. They had never seen anybody draw before. They laughed and pointed and jumped up and down every time Harold drew something new.

But when Harold drew Tippy and his Robo-Pants, the cavepeople became frightened. They grunted nervously and lowered their heads in fear and submission.

"Wow," said Harold. "How are we ever gonna change their minds about Tippy?" "I know," said George. "Let's make a wordless comic! They'll understand that!" "Good idea!" said Harold. "Let's do it!" So George and Harold found a ladder and began creating the world's very first comic.

The cavepeople watched with excitement as George and Harold's tale unfolded. Soon, their opinions about Tippy and his Robo-Pants began to evolve.

CHAPTER 12

CALLING ALL CAVEMEN

"How are we ever going to get out of THIS mess?" asked Harold.

"I don't know," said George. "But we're going to need Tippy Tinkletrousers if we ever want to get back home!"

"Are you kidding?" said Harold. "We can't trust that guy! He can't even trust himself!"

"I know," said George. "But Tippy has a time machine, and we don't. So we're going to have to defeat him!"

"But we'd need an army to defeat that guy," said Harold.

"So let's go get an army," said George.

The four friends glided above the grassy plains as they followed the sounds of beating drums. Soon, they arrived at the forest.

The drumming was getting louder. Crackers swooped down and landed behind some bushes near the caves. Just beyond them was the cavepeople village.

George and Harold and Crackers and Sulu peeked over the thick bushes as they watched the cavemen and cavewomen go about their daily routines. They seemed peaceful, so George decided to speak up.

"Hello!" said George. "We come in peace! We are friends!" The cavepeople looked confused and startled. They did not seem to understand.

"Maybe they don't speak English," said Harold.

"Ellohay!" said George (who only spoke one other language). "Eway omecay inway eacepay! Eway areway iendsfray!"

That didn't work either.

The cavepeople grunted and sniffed at

George and Harold and their pets. But they said nothing. Suddenly, off in the distance, the sounds of gigantic footsteps came thundering through the deep forest. Tippy was coming, and he was getting closer and closer with each terrifying stomp.

"I KNOW YOU'RE IN THAT VILLAGE!" Tippy screamed. "But you can't hide from ME!!!"

Tippy crashed through the trees and stomped into the village, kicking over huts and smooshing everything in sight. The terrified cavepeople grabbed their children and ran for the safety of the caves behind their village. George and Harold and Crackers and Sulu ran into the caves also, and hid with the cavepeople in the darkness as the destruction outside continued.

After a while, some caveteenagers started a campfire. The flickering light illuminated the massive walls of the caves as the cavepeople whimpered and huddled together in horror. "Wow!" said George. "Some army they turned out to be!"

"It's not their fault," said Harold. "They've never seen giant Robo-Pants before. They're just scared!"

"If we could only communicate with them," said George. "There's gotta be some way to reach them!"

Harold looked up at the giant, blank walls of the cave. "How about pictures?" he asked. "Hey! Good idea," said George.

Harold walked over to the campfire and grabbed a charred, smoking stick from the burning cinders. Then he went to one side of the giant cave and started to create the world's first cave drawing.

At first, the cavepeople were astonished. They had never seen anybody draw before. They laughed and pointed and jumped up and down every time Harold drew something new.

But when Harold drew Tippy and his Robo-Pants, the cavepeople became frightened. They grunted nervously and lowered their heads in fear and submission.

"Wow," said Harold. "How are we ever gonna change their minds about Tippy?" "I know," said George. "Let's make a

wordless comic! They'll understand that!" "Good idea!" said Harold. "Let's do it!" So George and Harold found a ladder and

began creating the world's very first comic.

The cavepeople watched with excitement as George and Harold's tale unfolded. Soon, their opinions about Tippy and his Robo-Pants began to evolve.

From Captain Underpants and the Revolting Revenge of the Radioactive Robo-Boxers, by Dav Pilkey. Copyright 2013 by Dav Pilkey. Reproduced with permission from Scholastic.