Two and a Half Men Is Better Than None

Alec Baldwin
March 11, 2011
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alec-baldwin/alec-baldwin-charlie-sheen_b_834847.html

I read in the paper today that Conan O'Brien's documentary is out this weekend. The one that chronicles the purportedly healing journey/concert tour he went on after his messy divorce from NBC. I also read that Charlie Sheen is suing Warner Brothers for $100 million and the two of these things reminded me of one of the more character-building experiences that I had in my career, many years ago.

People often ask me why I never continued in the role of Jack Ryan in the movies based on Tom Clancy's great novels. Usually, I have given a half truth as an answer, something about scheduling conflicts and so forth. But the truth is the studio cut my throat. Or, more specifically, an executive at the studio named David Kirkpatrick who was, as studio executives are on their way both up and down the ladder, eager to prove he had that special quality that studio executives are eager to display. That quality is an utter lack of sentimentality while transacting deals around a business built on sentimentality.

The run of events in 1991 went like this. John McTiernan, who directed The Hunt For Red October, called me repeatedly over a period of a few days and that got my attention because John was not someone who did that. I knew it must be something important. I had been traveling to Syracuse to see my mother who had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I had lost my dad in 1983 to lung cancer when he was fifty-five and the idea of being an orphan, technically speaking, at the age of 33 weighed heavily on me. It took a few rounds before John and I connected.

On the phone, John told me that during the period of the previous few months, he had been negotiating to do a film with a very famous movie star who had dropped out of his film days before so that he could go star in the sequels to The Hunt For Red October. John further told me that Paramount owed the actor a large sum of money for a greenlit film that fell apart prior to this, and pushing me aside would help to alleviate that debt and put someone with much greater strength at the box office than mine in the role. I sat there mildly stunned because not only was I in an active negotiation with Paramount, but for them to negotiate simultaneously with another actor was against the law. My mother was about to have a double mastectomy. I asked John if he was sure about all of this and he said yes, he had talked with the famous actor directly who confirmed the story. All of this served to explain why the studio would not close my deal over what I thought were some relatively arbitrary issues surrounding the dates of production.

I got a call from Mace Neufeld, the film's producer who I had worked with on Hunt. The call resembled that final scene in Sorry, Wrong Number (great film), where Burt Lancaster exhorts Barbara Stanwyck to get out of bed and scream for help lest she be killed by emissaries of Lancaster himself. Neufeld told me to sign whatever deal they were offering and "the rest would take care of itself."

I flew from Syracuse to Long Island to attend to some business. I drove to a friend's home where I was to have dinner and was informed by my assistant that I should call David Kirkpatrick right away. Kirkpatrick was a beady-eyed, untalented tool who had seemed like he was up to something throughout my sequel negotiation. Now, he became vividly clear. I had to decide if I would agree to an open-ended clause relating to dates for the first sequel and thus completely give up the chance to do one of the greatest dramas in the American theatre, or he would rescind my offer. They had the other guy all lined up, and they were looking for a way to gut me. I thought he wasn't serious at first. Then, when I realized he was, I chose A Streetcar Named Desire.

A lot changed in my life with that decision. And I do not regret it. The movie and television business are filled with some of the most wonderful and talented people you could ever know. It is also the rock under which you find the biggest, lyingest, thievingest scumbags on Earth. (They tend to be the ones that are not in any craft or union related to actually making a movie.) However, one of the great oddities in show business is how someone you respect can have a good experience with someone you loathe. Conan had a tough time reconciling Jeff Zucker's decisions. Maybe I would have too. Meanwhile, Jeff has only been supportive of me during my recent years at NBC. Go figure.

Conan has moved on and his great talent is undiminished by his difficult experiences. I had wanted to say to him back then what I will now offer to Charlie. You can't win. Really. You can't. When executives at studios and networks move up to the highest ranks, they are given a book. The book is called How to Handle Actors. And one principle held dear in that book is that no actor is greater than the show itself when the show is a hit. And, in that regard, they are often right. Add to that the fact that the actor who is torturing their diseased egos is a drug-addled, porn star-squiring, near-Joycean Internet ranter, and they really want you to go.

Granted, it didn't get real until you insulted them. And your suit may have real grounds.

But you know what you should do? Take a nap. Get a shower. Call Chuck. Go on Letterman and make an apology. Write a huge check to the B'Nai Brith. And then beg for your job back. Your fans demand it. You will never win because when you are as big a douchebag as some of these guys are, they have no choice but to snuff you. (Do you secretly want to get snuffed? So you can go back and make movies?)

Sober up, Charlie. And get back on TV, if it's not too late. This is America. You want to really piss off Chuck and Warner Brothers and CBS? Beg for America's forgiveness. They will give it to you. And then go back. You are a great television star. And you've got the gig. As I learned from closely observing Tony Bennett so I could impersonate him on SNL, this is supposed to be fun.

P.S.... buy Cryer a really nice car.

Classic Animation: Marc Antony and Pussyfoot

For those who enjoyed the "Coon Vs. Coon and Friends" episode from South Park as much as The Konformist staff did, there was one particular homage that is worthy of mention from the show. The relationship of the demon Cthulhu and Eric Cartman was clearly a tip of the hat to the classic Chuck Jones cartoon series of the bulldog Marc Antony and the cuddly kitten Pussyfoot. Sadly the Marc Antony - Pussyfoot cartoons have kept a lower profile than Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and Roadrunner, among others, but they hold up in quality to the best of the Warner Brothers cannon...

Batman Upstages Bugs Bunny on Giant Mural

http://carpetbagger.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/04/08/batman-replaces-bugs-bunny-on-giant-mural-at-warner-brothers-burbank-studio-lot/

April 8, 2009
Batman Upstages Bugs Bunny on Giant Mural at Warner’s Burbank Studio Lot
By Brooks Barnes

Every studio has them: giant posters (usually of upcoming movies) prominently displayed next to the front gates that serve to stroke the egos of powerful producers, directors or stars. It’s a big deal to get one, particularly at a studio like Warner Brothers, which churns out dozens of films and television shows every year.

So Warner understandably stirred up discussion a couple months ago when it took down the giant vanity billboard dedicated to its animation department and DC Comics. The sign, a three-dimensional version of Mount Rushmore with Bugs Bunny and pals as the presidents, had been in place for 15 years on the north side of Stage 3. Workers began erecting a new one (behind a scrim) around the time that the studio laid off several hundred people, prompting some more talk: If Warner needs to cut costs by laying off the rank and file, why is it spending money re-doing a billboard?

The answer came last night. The studio unveiled a new billboard – officially a “mural” – that primarily showcases super heroes from DC Comics against the Hall of Justice from the series “Super Friends.” Batman (go figure) looms largest, with Wonder Woman and the Green Lantern (both getting feature films in coming years) also appearing. Making cameos: Scooby Doo, Tweety Bird, Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. At night, black lights reveal villains like Catwoman and Two-Face in the background.

The mural – Warner’s not saying how much it cost – was planned back when the studio was still hot on making a tentpole movie featuring multiple heroes called “Justice League.” A Warner statement said it was time for an update after 15 years, particularly as the studio’s animation strategy has shifted (repeatedly) over that time.

Over 500 people attended the unveiling. Warner served mini-cupcakes and popcorn, handed out free DVDs and rolled out the Mystery Machine and Batmobile for attendees to admire. Some fans came dressed as characters, and Peter Roth, president of Warner Brothers Television, gave a short speech. Bizarrely, Mario Lopez hosted the “festival,” which featured a performance by an all-girl dance team from the 2009 edition of the MTV show “Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew.”

DreamWorks to build theme park in Dubai

http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5hD4vGfiLCxoaS_tgEmMyM5UqPPhQ

DreamWorks to build theme park in Dubai
1-20-8

DUBAI (AFP) — DreamWorks, the US studio behind the hit box-office animated movie "Shrek", is to build a theme park in the booming Gulf emirate of Dubai.

The studio has signed an agreement with Tatweer, a subsidiary of state-owned investment firm Dubai Holding, to develop the project which includes restaurants, hotels and retail outlets, the Khaleej Times newspaper reported on Sunday.

The Western-oriented emirate of Dubai, one of seven that make up the United Arab Emirates, is a leisure hub in the oil-rich Gulf and draws millions of visitors every year.

Under a deal concluded last September, Warner Brothers will also set up a theme park in the UAE capital, Abu Dhabi.

A hotel, several multiplex cinemas and a joint film and computer game development fund will also be created as part of the deal between Warner Brothers, the Abu Dhabi Media Company and real estate developers ALDAR.

Paramount in HD-DVD blow

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/ea637496-bd8d-11dc-b7e6-0000779fd2ac.html

Paramount in HD-DVD blow
By Matthew Garrahan and Mariko Sanchanta in Las Vegas
Published: January 8 2008

Paramount is poised to drop its support of HD-DVD following Warner Brothers' recent backing of Sony's Blu-ray technology, in a move that could sound the death knell of HD-DVD and bring the home entertainment format war to a definitive end.

Paramount and DreamWorks Animation, which makes the Shrek films, came out in support of HD-DVD last summer, joining General Electric's Universal Studios as the main backers of the Toshiba format.

However, Paramount, which is owned by Viacom, is understood to have a clause in its contract with the HD-DVD camp that would allow it to switch sides in the event of Warner backing Blu-ray, according to people familiar with the situation.

Paramount is set to have a bumper 2008 with several likely blockbusters, including the latest instalment in the Indiana Jones franchise, slated for release.

Paramount joining the Blu-ray camp would leave HD-DVD likely to suffer the same fate as Sony's now obsolete Betamax video technology, which lost out to VHS in a similar format war in the 1980s.

Warner's decision last week to throw its weight behind Blu-ray saw it join Walt Disney, 20th Century Fox and Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer as backers of the Sony format.

The Warner move gives Blu-ray about 70 per cent of Hollywood's output, although the format's grip on film content will increase further when Paramount comes aboard.

It is unclear whether DreamWorks Animation has the same get-out clause in its contract with the HD-DVD camp. However, Paramount and DreamWorks have a close relationship, with Paramount distributing DreamWorks Animation films.

The two companies also signed their HD-DVD contracts at the same time.

Meanwhile, Universal has declined to comment on its next- generation DVD plans following the Warner move.

Sir Howard Stringer, chief executive of Sony, yesterday held out an olive branch to its rival in the next-generation DVD format wars following Warner's decision to back Blu-ray.

Sir Howard said the company would be "open to dialogue" with the rival high-definition HD-DVD camp to "grow the market". The move came as new figures showed that Blu-ray had opened up a decisive lead over the rival home entertainment format.

Sir Howard said: "We are not going to push people around. We'll talk to anyone . . . we have a lot of work to do to grow the market. We'll be systematic and open to dialogue at all times."

He added that Sony still had "a lot of work" to do to get Blu-ray "widely accepted" among American consumers.

Abu Dhabi begins work on Ferrari theme park

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20071103/lf_afp/uaeitalyautoferrarileisure_071103181816

Abu Dhabi begins work on Ferrari theme park
Sat Nov 3, 2007

Abu Dhabi on Saturday began work on building the world's first Ferrari theme park, another step in the wealthy Gulf emirate's ambition to become a global centre for leisure, sport and culture.

A ceremony was held for the laying of the project's first foundation stone on Yas Island off the coast of the capital of the United Arab Emirates, project developer ALDAR said.

The 250,000-square-metre (62-acre) park is set for completion in 2009.

It will include a motor circuit which is to host the emirate's first F1 Grand Prix in the same year, as well as roller coasters, multi-media theatres and automobile displays, ALDAR said in a statement.

An investment group owned by the government of oil-rich Abu Dhabi in July bought a five percent stake in Ferrari for 114 million dollars.

Warner Brothers announced in September it plans to open its own theme park in Abu Dhabi, which is already developing a satellite Louvre museum and staged its first international film festival earlier this year.

Abu Dhabi is one of seven emirates that make up the UAE, which also includes Dubai.

The booming city-state of Dubai has its own grand cultural aspirations. It already hosts an annual international film festival that is attended by high-profile Hollywood stars.

Earlier this year, Cirque du Soleil announced it would stage a permanent show on a huge artificial island off Dubai, and Universal Studios plans to build a theme park in the emirate at a cost of more than two billion dollars.