The Story of the World War I Christmas Truce

Robalini's Note: The Konformist opened 2012 with a very happy personal Christmas story: the return of my sweet tomcat Blueboy returning home after being gone for a week following X-mas.  We end the year with perhaps the most amazing Christmas story of the 20th Century.

It's one of the most fascintating stories of the 20th Century that few people really know about, and the lack of knowledge is by design. During WWI, a Christmas truce broke out among the trenches among the front lines. In some cases, the truce did not end the following day. This story doesn't get airplay (though credit to Smithsonian Magazine for this article) because the idea of soldiers questioning the purpose of war is a threat to the military state of all wealthy nations. This is a story that needs to be told.

See you in 2013...

Peace on the Western Front, Goodwill in No Man’s Land
The Story of the World War I Christmas Truce
Mike Dash
December 23, 2011
http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com/history/2011/12/peace-on-the-western-front-goodwill-in-no-mans-land-the-story-of-the-world-war-i-christmas-truce

Even at the distance of a century, no war seems more terrible than World War I. In the four years between 1914 and 1918, it killed or wounded more than 25 million people–peculiarly horribly, and (in popular opinion, at least) for less apparent purpose than did any other war before or since. Yet there were still odd moments of joy and hope in the trenches of Flanders and France, and one of the most remarkable came during the first Christmas of the war, a few brief hours during which men from both sides on the Western Front laid down their arms, emerged from their trenches, and shared food, carols, games and comradeship.

Their truce–the famous Christmas Truce–was unofficial and illicit. Many officers disapproved, and headquarters on both sides took strong steps to ensure that it could never happen again. While it lasted, though, the truce was magical, leading even the sober Wall Street Journal to observe: “What appears from the winter fog and misery is a Christmas story, a fine Christmas story that is, in truth, the most faded and tattered of adjectives: inspiring.”

The first signs that something strange was happening occurred on Christmas Eve. At 8:30 p.m. an officer of the Royal Irish Rifles reported to headquarters: “Germans have illuminated their trenches, are singing songs and wishing us a Happy Xmas. Compliments are being exchanged but am nevertheless taking all military precautions.” Further along the line, the two sides serenaded each other with carols—the German “Silent Night” being met with a British chorus of “The First Noel“—and scouts met, cautiously, in no man’s land, the shell-blasted waste between the trenches. The war diary of the Scots Guards records that a certain Private Murker “met a German Patrol and was given a glass of whisky and some cigars, and a message was sent back saying that if we didn’t fire at them, they would not fire at us.”

The same basic understanding seems to have sprung up spontaneously at other spots. For another British soldier, Private Frederick Heath, the truce began late that same night when “all down our line of trenches there came to our ears a greeting unique in war: ‘English soldier, English soldier, a merry Christmas, a merry Christmas!’” Then–as Heath wrote in a letter home–the voices added:

‘Come out, English soldier; come out here to us.’ For some little time we were cautious, and did not even answer. Officers, fearing treachery, ordered the men to be silent. But up and down our line one heard the men answering that Christmas greeting from the enemy. How could we resist wishing each other a Merry Christmas, even though we might be at each other’s throats immediately afterwards? So we kept up a running conversation with the Germans, all the while our hands ready on our rifles. Blood and peace, enmity and fraternity—war’s most amazing paradox. The night wore on to dawn—a night made easier by songs from the German trenches, the pipings of piccolos and from our broad lines laughter and Christmas carols. Not a shot was fired.


Several factors combined to produce the conditions for this Christmas Truce. By December 1914, the men in the trenches were veterans, familiar enough with the realities of combat to have lost much of the idealism that they had carried into war in August, and most longed for an end to bloodshed. The war, they had believed, would be over by Christmas, yet there they were in Christmas week still muddied, cold and in battle. Then, on Christmas Eve itself, several weeks of mild but miserably soaking weather gave way to a sudden, hard frost, creating a dusting of ice and snow along the front that made the men on both sides feel that something spiritual was taking place.

Just how widespread the truce was is hard to say. It was certainly not general—there are plenty of accounts of fighting continuing through the Christmas season in some sectors, and others of men fraternizing to the sound of guns firing nearby. One common factor seems to have been that Saxon troops—universally regarded as easygoing—were the most likely to be involved, and to have made the first approaches to their British counterparts. “We are Saxons, you are Anglo-Saxons,” one shouted across no man’s land. “What is there for us to fight about?” The most detailed estimate, made by Malcolm Brown of Britain’s Imperial War Museums, is that the truce extended along at least two-thirds of British-held trench line that scarred southern Belgium.

Even so, accounts of a Christmas Truce refer to a suspension of hostilities only between the British and the Germans. The Russians, on the Eastern Front, still adhered to the old Julian calendar in 1914, and hence did not celebrate Christmas until January 7, while the French were far more sensitive than their allies to the fact that the Germans were occupying about a third of France—and ruling French civilians with some harshness.

It was only in the British sector, then, that troops noticed at dawn the Germans had placed small Christmas trees along parapets of their trenches. Slowly, parties of men from both sides began to venture toward the barbed wire that separated them, until—Rifleman Oswald Tilley told his parents in a letter home—”literally hundreds of each side were out in no man’s land shaking hands.”

Communication could be difficult. German-speaking British troops were scarce, but many Germans had been employed in Britain before the war, frequently in restaurants. Captain Clifton Stockwell, an officer with the Royal Welch Fusiliers who found himself occupying a trench opposite the ruins of a heavily shelled brewery, wrote  in his diary of “one Saxon, who spoke excellent English” and who “used to climb in some eyrie in the brewery and spend his time asking ‘How is London getting on?’, ‘How was Gertie Millar and the Gaiety?’, and so on. Lots of our men had blind shots at him in the dark, at which he laughed, [but] one night I came out and called, ‘Who the hell are you?’ At once came back the answer, ‘Ah—the officer—I expect I know you—I used to be head waiter at the Great Central Hotel.”

Of course, only a few men involved in the truce could share reminiscences of London. Far more common was an interest in “football”—soccer—which by then had been played professionally in Britain for a quarter-century and in Germany since the 1890s. Perhaps it was inevitable that some men on both sides would produce a ball and—freed briefly from the confines of the trenches—take pleasure in kicking it about. What followed, though, was something more than that, for if the story of the Christmas Truce has its jewel, it is the legend of the match played between the British and the Germans—which the Germans claimed to have won, 3-2.

The first reports of such a contest surfaced a few days afterward; on January 1, 1915, The Times published a letter written from a doctor attached to the Rifle Brigade, who reported “a football match… played between them and us in front of the trench.” The brigade’s official history insisted that no match took place because “it would have been most unwise to allow the Germans to know how weakly the British trenches were held.” But there is plenty of evidence that soccer was played that Christmas Day—mostly by men of the same nationality, but in at least three or four places between troops from the opposing armies.

The most detailed of these stories comes from the German side, and reports that the 133rd Royal Saxon Regiment played a game against Scottish troops. According to the 133rd’s War History, this match emerged from the “droll scene of Tommy und Fritz” chasing hares that emerged from under cabbages between the lines, and then producing a ball to kick about. Eventually, this “developed into a regulation football match with caps casually laid out as goals. The frozen ground was no great matter. Then we organized each side into teams, lining up in motley rows, the football in the center. The game ended 3-2 for Fritz.”

Exactly what happened between the Saxons and the Scots is difficult to say. Some accounts of the game bring in elements that were actually dreamed up by Robert Graves, a renowned British poet, writer and war veteran, who reconstructed the encounter in a story published in 1962. In Graves’s version, the score remains 3-2 to the Germans, but the writer adds a sardonic fictional flourish: “The Reverend Jolly, our padre, acted as ref [and showed] too much Christian charity—their outside left shot the deciding goal, but he was miles offside and admitted it as soon as the whistle went.”

The real game was far from a regulated fixture with 11 players a side and 90 minutes of play. In the one detailed eyewitness account that survives—albeit in an interview not given until the 1960s—Lieutenant Johannes Niemann, a Saxon who served with the 133rd, recalled that on Christmas morning:

the mist was slow to clear and suddenly my orderly threw himself into my dugout to say that both the German and Scottish soldiers had come out of their trenches and were fraternizing along the front. I grabbed my binoculars and looking cautiously over the parapet saw the incredible sight of our soldiers exchanging cigarettes, schnapps and chocolate with the enemy. Later a Scottish soldier appeared with a football which seemed to come from nowhere and a few minutes later a real football match got underway. The Scots marked their goal mouth with their strange caps and we did the same with ours. It was far from easy to play on the frozen ground, but we continued, keeping rigorously to the rules, despite the fact that it only lasted an hour and that we had no referee.  A great many of the passes went wide, but all the amateur footballers, although they must have been very tired, played with huge enthusiasm.


For Niemann, the novelty of getting to know their kilted opposition matched the novelty of playing soccer in no man’s land:

Us Germans really roared when a gust of wind revealed that the Scots wore no drawers under their kilts—and hooted and whistled every time they caught an impudent glimpse of one posterior belonging to one of “yesterday’s enemies.” But after an hour’s play, when our Commanding Officer heard about it, he sent an order that we must put a stop to it. A little later we drifted back to our trenches and the fraternization ended.


The game that Niemann recalled was only one of many that took place up and down the Front. Attempts were made in several spots to involve the Germans—the Queen’s Westminsters, one private soldier wrote home, “had a football out in front of the trenches and asked the Germans to send a team to play us, but either they considered the ground too hard, as it had been freezing all night and was a ploughed field, or their officers put the bar up.” But at least three, and perhaps four, other matches apparently took place between the armies. A sergeant in the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders recorded that a game was played in his sector “between the lines and the trenches,” and according to a letter home published by the Glasgow News on January 2, the Scots “won easily by 4-1.” Meanwhile Lieutenant Albert Wynn of the Royal Field Artillery wrote of a match against a German team of “Prussians and Hanovers” that was played near Ypres. That game “ended in a draw,” but the Lancashire Fusiliers, occupying trenches close to the coast near Le Touquet and using a ration-tin “ball,” played their own game against the Germans, and–according to their regimental history–lost by the same score as the Scots who encountered the 133rd,  3-2.

It is left to a fourth recollection, given in 1983 by Ernie Williams of the Cheshire Regiment, to supply a real idea of what soccer played between the trenches really meant. Although Williams was recalling a game played on New Year’s Eve, after there had been a thaw and plenty of rain, his description chimes with the little that is known for sure about the games played on Christmas Day:

[A] ball appeared from somewhere, I don’t know where, but it came from their side… They made up some goals and one fellow went in goal and then it was just a general kickabout. I should think there were a couple of hundred taking part. I had a go at the ball. I was pretty good then, at 19. Everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves. There was no sort of ill-will between us…. There was no referee and no score, no tally at all. It was simply a mêlee—nothing like the soccer that you see on television. The boots we wore were a menace—those great big boots we had on—and in those days the balls were made of leather and they soon got very soggy.


Of course, not every man on either side was thrilled by the Christmas Truce, and official opposition squelched at least one proposed Anglo-German soccer match. Lieutenant C.E.M. Richards, a young officer serving with the East Lancashire Regiment, had been greatly disturbed by reports of fraternization between the men of his regiment and the enemy and had actually welcomed the “return of good old sniping” late on Christmas Day—”just to make sure that the war was still on.” That evening, however, Richards “received a signal from Battalion Headquarters telling him to make a football pitch in no man’s land, by filling up shell holes etc., and to challenge the enemy to a football match on 1st January.” Richards recalled that “I was furious and took no action at all,” but over time his view did mellow. “I wish I had kept that signal,” he wrote years later. “Stupidly I destroyed it—I was so angry. It would now have been a good souvenir.”

In most places, up and down the line, it was accepted that the truce would be purely temporary. Men returned to their trenches at dusk, in some cases summoned back by flares, but for the most part determined to preserve the peace at least until midnight. There was more singing, and in at least one spot presents were exchanged. George Eade, of the Rifles, had become friends with a German artilleryman who spoke good English, and as he left, this new acquaintance said to him: “Today we have peace. Tomorrow, you fight for your country, I fight for mine. Good luck.”

Fighting erupted again the next day, though there were reports from some sectors of hostilities remaining suspended into the New Year. And it does not seem to have been uncommon for the resumption of the war to be marked with further displays of mutual respect between enemies. In the trenches occupied by the Royal Welch Fusiliers, Captain Stockwell “climbed up on the parapet, fired three shots in the air and put up a flag with ‘Merry Christmas’ on it.” At this, his opposite number, Hauptmann von Sinner, “appeared on the German parapet and both officers bowed and saluted. Von Sinner then also fired two shots in the air and went back into his trench.”

The war was on again, and there would be no further truce until the general armistice of November 1918. Many, perhaps close to the majority, of the thousands of men who celebrated Christmas 1914 together would not live to see the return of peace. But for those who did survive, the truce was something that would never be forgotten.

Sources

Malcolm Brown & Shirley Seaton. The Christmas Truce: The Western Front December 1914. London: Papermac, 1994; The Christmas Truce 1914: Operation Plum Puddings, accessed December 22, 2011; Alan Cleaver and Lesley Park (eds). Not a Shot was Fired: Letters from the Christmas Truce 1914.  Whitehaven, Cumbria: Operation Plum Puddings, 2006; Marc Ferro et al. Meetings in No Man’s Land: Christmas 1914 and Fraternization in the Great War. London: Constable & Robinson, 2007; “The Christmas Truce – 1914.” Hellfire Corner, accessed December 19, 2011; Thomas Löwer. “Demystifying the Christmas truce.” The Heritage of the Great War, accessed December 19, 2011; Stanley Weintraub. Silent Night: The Remarkable Christmas Truce of 1914. London: Simon & Schuster, 2001.

Saturnalia

(or Brumalia)
A Winter Solstice Ritual
Apollonius Sophistes
© 1996
http://web.eecs.utk.edu/~mclennan/BA/Saturnalia.html

Preface
I. Equipment & Supplies
II. Preparation
III. Location
IV. Timing
V. Ritual
Preface

This ritual compresses the Consualia (for Consus, God of the Storage Bin), the Saturnalia (for Saturn, God of Sowing), and the Opalia (for Ops, Goddess of Plenty) into a single festival, a Brumalia, or Winter Solstice (Bruma) ritual. The Saturnalia Chants are available on a separate page, which may be printed for use in the ritual.

The primary sources for this ritual are Macrobius' Saturnalia (Bk. I, Chs. 7, 8, 10, 11) and Scullard's Festivals and Ceremonies of the Roman Republic (pp. 205-7). (There is additional information available on the Saturnalia, Consualia and Opalia; see De Saturno & Jano Tractatus for background information on Saturn.)

This ritual is dedicated to the Gods and may be used for any nonprofit purpose, provided that its source is acknowledged.

I. Equipment & Supplies

Saturnus Image/Simulacrum Saturni Saturnus should be an old, dignified but jovial man; his usual attribute is the sickle. For this ritual, the image needs to be standing and have legs that can be bound. A traditional Father Christmas or St. Nicholas may work well. Look for an image with nature symbols (e.g. plants) and symbols of bounty (e.g. a cornucopia or bag of presents). If possible, the image should have a reservoir inside capable of holding oil; if this is not possible, have a separate vessel that can be placed in front of or behind the Saturnus.

Ops Image/Simulacrum Opis (optional) Ops is Saturnus' wife and sister, so they should look about the same age; She is an Earth Mother. A "Mrs. Claus" image may work, if you have used Father Christmas for Saturnus.

Consus Image/Simulacrum Consi (optional) There is no traditional image for Consus, so far as I am aware, so use an image compatible with Saturnus and Ops. Attributes associated with grain are very appropriate.

Candles/Cerei A number of small wax candles, of sufficient number that everyone can keep one.

Corn Oil/Oleum Frumentarium Enough to fill reservoir in Saturn.

Oil Lamp/Lucernus In which to burn corn oil. (A lamp of the sort Father Time, or the Tarot Hermit, is shown carrying, is especially appropriate.)

Woolen Yarn/Filum Lanae (several feet) For binding Saturn's feet. It is best to have ten pieces (for the ten months to December), each long enough to tie a bow around Saturn's feet.

Self-setting Clay, Play-Dough, etc. For making Sigillaria ("little figures").

Ingredients for Decorated Cookies At least one cookie for every participant.

Treasure Chest/Thesaurus Large enough to hold the grains and pennies. Optionally, large enough to hold cookies and treats to be produced "magically."

Seed corn, Barley, Other Grains Try to use uncracked grains.

Pennies (optional) Use shiny, new pennies.

Cauldron of Local Soil Enough soil to hold all the candles, pushed into it.

Ritual Robes For the formal sacrifice, Romans wore a toga. Worshippers provide their own ritual robes.

Banqueting Robes (optional) For the banquet after the sacrifice, Romans changed into the Synthesis, a brightly-colored garment of light muslin, like a tunic on top, but loose like a toga on the bottom. Normally, worshippers provide their own banqueting robes.

Caps/Pilei (optional) At the banquet it is customary to wear a red Pileus, a loose peaked cap of felt (e.g. the Phrygian cap, the "Liberty cap" or bonnet rouge of the French Revolution). Alternately, one may use store-bought or home-made party hats, or Santa hats! According to tradition, men wear the peak folded forward, while women wear it folded back over their necks. There should be enough Pilei for everyone.

II. Preparation

Saturnus Image

If this is the first time the Saturnus has been used, bind his feet with lengths of yarn and consecrate it; if the Saturnus has already been used, it will still be bound from the last Saturnalia. Tie simple bows, not too tight, so that they will be easy to loosen.

Cookies

Make the cookies and decorate them with simple faces; they should look similar to the Sigillaria (see below). Make at least enough for all the participants. (A bean may be baked into one of the cookies as a means of selecting the Ruler of the Saturnalia.) Other small treats (e.g. candies, especially candy corn kernels and chocolate "gold coins") may also be provided. For the "magical transformation," wrap the cookies and treats in a cloth to make a flat package that can be placed on the bottom of the Treasury before the ritual.

Sigillaria

Make flat, oval faces, of self-setting clay, play-dough or something similar; make at least one for every participant. Make a hole for hanging in each one, so that later, for the Dionysia, they can be hung on a pine tree.
III. Location

It is best if the Saturnalia can be conducted out of doors, where the participants can touch the Earth. If this is not possible, the Cauldron of Earth can be used.

IV. Timing

The text of the Sacrifice takes about 15 minutes; the actual ritual will be longer, depending on the number of worshippers. There are several options for the date on which to hold the Saturnalia:

According to Julian Date (Dec. 17)

In the Julian calendar, the Saturnalia took place on Dec. 17; it was preceded by the Consualia (Dec. 15) and followed by the Opalia (Dec. 19). The celebrations typically lasted for a week (Dec. 17-23), ending just before the (late imperial) festival for Sol Invictus (Unconquered Sun) on Dec. 25 (the Solstice in the pre-Julian calendar). Before the reforms of Julius Caesar, the Saturnalia and Opalia may have been on the same day (14 before the Kalends of Jan.).

According to Solstice (Dec. 21)

At one time Dec. 17, the Julian date of the Saturnalia, was the first day of Capricornus, marking the coldest season. Since the sun now enters Capricorn on Dec. 21, the Solstice, it would be appropriate to celebrate the Saturnalia on the Solstice; the seven days of celebration would then end Dec. 27.

According to Christmas Season (Dec. 25)

The week of Saturnalian celebrations fits nicely into the Christmas-New Year week, with the Saturnalia falling on Christmas day. A variant of this is: Consualia (Dec 21/solstice), Saturnalia (Dec 24/Xmas Eve - so gifts come after ritual), Opalia (Dec 26 or 27); Saturnalia celebrations (Dec 25- 31); Lesser Dionysia (Dec 31/New Year's Eve); then Roman New Year celebrations.

V. Ritual

A. Terminology and Notation
B. Preliminaries
C. Sacrificium (Sacrifice)
D. Convivium (Banquet)
E. Closing the Temple
F. End of Saturnalia
A. Terminology and Notation

"Sacerdos" (S) refers to the officiating priest. The ritual is conducted Graeco Ritu (by Greek Rite), that is, with uncovered head.
"Cultores" (C) refers to the other worshippers participating in the rite.

B. Preliminaries

C: When gathering, worshippers greet each other with "Bona Saturnalia!"
C: Before going to the temple, it is appropriate to visit the store room or pantry, open it and give thanks for the stores. (This corresponds to the Consualia before the Saturnalia.)

S: Erects the temple (casts the circle) in the usual way. For example:

We circle round creating sacred space,
invoking from the Heavens holy grace.
We call the Gods to guard our solemn rite,
and ward this hallowed ground with walls of light.
Let sky above and earth below unite,
a bond established by Olympic might.
Let fear and discord leave without a trace,
and peace prevail within this holy place.
Let word be deed by this decree.
As it is said, so must it be!
(Sit verbum factum hoc decreto.
Ut dictum est, sic statim fiat!)

C: During the procession, as each worshipper enters the temple, he or she takes a handful of grain and pennies.

C. Sacrificium (Sacrifice)

Prologue
Condens (Putting Away)
Interlude
Edens (Bringing Forth)
Epilogue

1. Prologue

S: When everyone has formed a circle, S says:
Welcome to the Saturnalia!
The Circle of the Year is cut in fourths,
and in the ancient lands of Greece and Rome
the darkening time from autumn equinox
to winter solstice was the time to plow
and plant the ground, to store away the seeds.
When this was done the people rested through
the winter months, until the Sun returned.
Three ancient Gods are honored at this time:
Saturnus, Ops and Cônsus are Their names.
Now listen to the Myth of Saturn's reign:
Before the mighty Gods that rule the world
from high Olympus' snowy peak were born,
Saturnus was the king of all the Gods
and Ops, His sister, was His wife and queen.
But when the time had come to yield His throne
in favor of a younger God, His son,
then Father Saturn would not step aside.
A fight ensued between the old and new,
Till Jove had thrown Saturnus from the sky.
He tumbled down to Earth, and with His wife
He made a ship and sailed to this, our land.
He taught the people many useful arts,
to save the seeds and sow them in the ground,
so we need never have to search for food.
He showed us how to breed our animals
so we might always have their meat and fur,
so they would help to plow the fertile Earth.
Saturnus first taught folk to strike bright coins
from shining silver, glittering gold and bronze.
He showed how money might be put away,
and saved, and put to use another day.
In these and other ways Saturnus made
our lives much easier and free.
His happy reign was called the Golden Age,
when there was food enough for everyone,
and people shared the bounty that they had,
and no one ever stole or fought or lied.
But when the end had come to Saturn's reign,
He wisely chose to set aside His crown.
He sailed away beyond the Northern Wind,
to Hyperborea, where He now sleeps,
upon a hidden island at the Pole,
where He awaits another Golden Age.
But till that happy time is come again,
in this, the coldest season of the year,
we go in thought to Saturn's snowy realm
to wake from sleep the ancient kindly king,
and ask Him once again to walk with us,
and let us live for this short time with Him,
enjoying blessings of His Golden Age.
I wish you, "Bona Saturnalia!"
C: All reply:
Bona Saturnalia!

2. Condens (Putting Away)

S: Slowly fills Saturn Image with oil and explains:
When Saturn rules, all things are turned around,
and everything becomes its opposite.
Just once each year this Image is filled up;
it's empty while Saturnus lies asleep.
We feed Him with the oil that's pressed from corn,
the golden nectar from the nuggets born.
So also we in wisdom store away
our energy to use another day.
Drink deep, Saturne, of this golden oil!
Return our gift and bless our sacred soil!

S: After a pause, S places Thesausus forward and says:
Saturnus has an aid, the God of Storage Bins,
who guards the seed corn; Consus is His name,
which means to hide things, mostly underground.
We open up the secret storage chest
and place the seed corn safely into it.
From what we've reaped, we always save a bit,
uneaten, using it to seed new growth.
A portion of our hard-won money, too,
we put away to use another day.
And even some of our best thoughts are hid,
to later bring to light when they can grow.
All this and more is hidden in the Earth,
committed to the care of Mother Ops.
Remember all the bounty you have reaped;
Consider what it's wise to save inside.
Begin to circle sunwise now before
the altar; each time that you come to it,
deposit some, not all, of what you hold,
and place it in the sacred Treasury.
Keep circling till you've given everything
away, and while you circle, chant these words:

"Save the seed corn for the sowing;
Plant the seed to start it growing."

S: When everyone has been around at least three times, S says:
But now your weary work is almost done;
commit to Consus all the rest you hold.

3. Interlude

S: When everyone has empty hands, S closes the Thesaurus, and says:
You may stop chanting now; your seeds are safe!
In darkness they must lie until the time
when Sun returns to wake the seeds from sleep.
So also Saturn sleeps upon His bed,
awaiting to be waked and called to come,
to leave the Pole and bring His gifts to us,
abundant blessings of the coming light.
December was the tenth month of the year,
in ancient Roman times, the year's last month.
And as the baby hides within the womb
for nine full months, but sees the light of day
within the tenth, so also everything
will be reborn beneath December's Sun.

S: The Treasury may be moved back and replaced by the Cauldron of Earth.

4. Edens (Bringing Forth)

S: Pass Candles and Sigillaria to first worshipper on left, so they are passed around sunwise to all adults, including back to S. S explains:
Let each adult pass on the gifts, around
the sacred circle, moving like the Sun.
Since ancient times these gifts have been exchanged:
the waxen candles, calling forth the Sun,
the little figures, symbols of our souls.
These inexpensive gifts have been decreed
by Saturn, so that no one will feel poor.
S: If children are participating, S says:
Now give your little figure to a child,
to any child you like, but please make sure
that every child receives a little face;
the waxen candle must be kept by you.
C: The adults give their Sigillaria to children. If no children are present, the adults keep their Sigillaria.
S: Lights candle of first worshipper to his left, and bids him or her to pass the flame to the next so that it passes sunwise around the circle and back to S. S says:

Now as the Sun revolves around the Earth,
we pass the light around the circle thus,
and as each year the Sun returns to us,
the candle flame comes round to bring rebirth.
The lights remind us how Saturnus led
us from the murky night of ignorance,
and freed us from the dismal darkness of
starvation, to the light of wiser ways.

S: When his candle has been lit, completing circle, says:
Now come around and let the adults put
their candles in this cauldron filled with Earth.
And come around and let the children place
their little figures in the Treasury.
In dedicating symbols of our souls,
we dedicate ourselves to Saturn's work,
but give ourselves through children to the task.
C: The adults plant their candles in the cauldron of Earth; the children place their Sigillaria on the altar. S does same with his.
S: When this is done, S pours oil from Saturn into the oil lamp and lights it, while saying:

Saturnus brings the Sun's bright golden light
that wakens hidden seeds to come to life.
The seed is nourished in the fertile Earth,
by Saturn's wife, the Queen of Plenty, Ops.
S: When the lamp is lit, S says:
This time of year we loosen Saturn's bonds.
The ancient God awakens from His sleep,
and rules the Earth as in the Golden Age.
Now circle round again and say this chant:

"Bring the light to wake the seed;
Let the shoot from earth be freed."

Continue circling sunwise, faster now;
continue chanting; call the holy Sun!

S: As each woolen bond is untied from Saturn's feet, S prays:
Saturne, Ancient Father, hear our prayer!
As we untie Your woolen bonds this year,
so let the hidden seeds be brought to birth,
and let Your Golden Age return to Earth.
S: When energy has been raised sufficiently, calls out:
Now stop, and all call out three times with me!

All:
Io Saturnalia!
Io Saturnalia!
Io Saturnalia!
S: Produces "by magic" the cookies and/or other treats. For example, S opens the Thesaurus and pulls up wrapped cookies through the deposited seeds, pennies and Sigillaria, opening it to reveal the goodies. While doing this S says:

Behold the gift of Saturn! See His work!
Behold how seed and money are transformed!
And see how carefully saved and hidden seeds
become the fruits that satisfy our needs.
Come forward now and taste the fragrant fruit,
the gift of Saturn and His sister Ops.
But share it with the people near to you,
for that's the law in Saturn's Golden Age.
Continue to enjoy till all is gone.
But don't neglect the Gods when all is well;
first touch the sacred Earth of Mother Ops,
and looking skyward where Saturnus dwells,
remember these two Gods and Consus too.

C: Each comes forward one at a time, touches the earth and looks skyward in prayer, then takes a cookie or other treat.
S: Says "Bona Saturnalia" to each celebrant as they come forward.

C: Should break off pieces and share with one another. Drink may also be offered and shared. Blessings may be exchanged, such as:

"May you always have enough, and some to share."
"May you never thirst!"
"Bona Saturnalia!"
S: When everyone has received, S touches Earth and offers formal thanks to Saturnus, Ops and Consus:
You gracious Gods: Saturnus, Consus, Ops,
accept our thanks and look on us with love.
And let us see that seed corn must be saved,
that we need light to bring our seeds to fruit.
As we have done this day, so every day!
C: Repeat:
As we have done this day, so every day!

5. Epilogue

S: Speaking more informally, says:
We very soon shall have our festive feast,
our little taste of Saturn's Golden Age.
Rejoice tonight for every rule's reversed!
Please dress in something comfortable
and wear a silly Saturnalia cap!
S: May produce paper caps for those that don't have their own Pilei. S continues:
Soon one of you will be the chosen one,
the Saturnalia Ruler, picked by Chance,
to be the Lord or Lady of Misrule!
Before you leave the temple, will you please
accept a candle, take it with you too;
this way you'll take a little of the light,
the blessings of the Saturnalia.
The children too should take with them a gift,
a little earthen image, if they want;
the rest will be donated to the Earth.

The rite is ended, now all join with me,
and raise the sacred cry of Saturnalia:

All:
Io Saturnalia! Io Saturnalia! Io Saturnalia!
D. Convivium (Banquet)

All: Change into informal clothes for the Convivium. The traditional robe is the Synthesis and the hat is the Pileus.
S: Chooses the Saturnalia Ruler a bean baked into one of the cookies, by a specially marked candle or by some other means.

E. Closing the Temple

S: Closes the temple in the usual way. This may be done after the Convivium, if it is held in the temple, or before it, if it is held elsewhere.
F. End of Saturnalia

S: At the end of the Saturnalia season (traditionally, 7 days), thanks Saturnus for His gifts and rebinds the image, keeping it this way until the next Saturnalia.

Cobblestone Corners 2012 Christmas Village

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The entire collection in one box! Step back in time with this quaint porcelain and resin holiday village collection. This carefully detailed set includes everything needed to create a delightful wintry village scene for one low price. Set also includes Santa’s Workshop that is ONLY available when you purchase the entire collection online (not available in stores)! Perfect for collectors, crafters, and train enthusiasts, plus pieces are packaged for resale in gift, hobby, and holiday shops. Each case includes the entire Cobblestone Corners® 2012 Christmas Village Collection, 36 pieces packaged for resale (62 pieces total), ranging in size from 1" to 5" tall. Lights not included with village set.

12 Porcelain Village Buildings:
Santa’s Workshop (online only, not sold in stores), Barber Shop, Train Station, Toy Shop, Jewelry Shop, Pet Store, Book Shop, Gift Store, 2 Houses, and 2 Churches

10 Resin Scenic Bases with People:

Townspeople Decorating Christmas Tree, Horse-Drawn Carriage, Couple Building Snowmen, Gazebo, Crossing Bridge, Decorated Fence with Gate, Kids Ice Skating with Santa, Townspeople Decorating Poles, Couple on Swing, and Christmas Choir

4 Packs of Trees:

· 2 Green Full Pines
· 2 Snow-Capped Full Pines
· 2 Snow-Covered Full Pines
· 2 Snow-Covered Cone-Shaped Pines

10 Packs of Resin People and Accessories (1¼ - 2¾" tall):
· 7 Packs of Various People, 3 people per pack
· 6 Lamp Posts
· 4 Potted Trees/Topiaries
· 1 Small Bench

Why we get wasted on New Year’s

Our Dec. 31st hedonism is the last remaining relic of an ancient Roman carnival of debauchery
Felisa Rogers
Saturday, Dec 31, 2011
http://www.salon.com/2012/01/01/why_we_get_wasted_on_new_years

Soccer balls bulge beneath the men’s polyester skirts and blouses to create exaggerated breasts and derrieres. Their masked faces are resplendent with rouge and eye shadow, wild like plumage. Trumpet, trombone and tuba players garbed in maroon polyester suits play rousing banda, and the men shake their tousled pink and blond wigs. Their dance is a lewd, thrusting affair, accompanied by the glad-handed twirling of tuxedoed dance partners dressed as evil businessmen, who leer at the crowd with sinister rubber masks.

Incongruous on the stately town square of Dolores Hidalgo, Guanajuato, the baile is but one of many unexpected mini-fiestas we’ve encountered as we travel through Mexico during the winter holidays. The grotesque dance is a far cry from the yuletide tableaus we’ve come to expect in the U.S., but perhaps no less bizarre: adult men dressed as women with huge asses versus adult men dressed as “Christmas elves”? Who’s to say? Although I never found out exactly what the dance in Dolores Hidalgo signified, it is likely a holdover from the wild holiday traditions of ancient Europe and Mexico.

Across ancient Europe, the yuletide holidays were a free-for-all, made dicey by role reversals: The poor invaded the homes of the rich, men dressed as women, and the lord bowed to the peasant. The 12 days of Christmas, from Dec. 25 to Jan. 7, were set in the mold of the Roman holiday Saturnalia: The holidays were a period of truce, when old grudges should be forgotten (at least temporarily), and anger swallowed. But despite all this brotherly love, the Christmas season had a sinister playfulness, similar to the original concept of trick-or-treating. Echoing Saturnalia’s public ridicule of society’s laws and customs, rowdy bands of peasants invaded the manor, demanding food and drink. In exchange, the lord received his subjects’ blessings and goodwill for the coming year.

Sometimes revelers brought the booze with them: In the British Isles, wassailing was a popular and alarming part of Christmas and New Year’s Eve. The word “wassail” comes from the Old English “was hal”: “be thou hale” or “be healthy.” The phrase was originally a greeting, but naturally the boozy Brits soon turned it into a toast : “was hale!” followed by the proper reply: “drink hale!” A poem written in 1066 describes a Saxon toast before the Battle of Hastings:

Rejoice and wassail
Pass the bottle and drink healthy
Drink backwards and drink to me
Drink half and drink empty.

By the 17th century wassailing was a holiday tradition. Girls gussied up in holiday finery would carry a dubious alcoholic punch (usually spiced beer with apples) from door to door. The wealthy were expected to drink a toast and offer the wassailers payment in return. Far from the beatific carolers of today, the mobs were known to get unruly: Wassailers would prank or menace householders who refused them booze or money.

British colonists brought wassailing and drunken “trick-or-treating” to the shores of America, where all walks of life adopted the New Year’s Eve traditions. A French visitor to the New York colony was alarmed when the house was accosted at 4 a.m. by a mob of children, servants and slaves who fired a musket and threw stones at the windows. The Frenchman was tired and attempted to ignore the racket, but finally the nature of the situation was explained to him: “Mr. Lynch got up and came into my chamber to tell me that these people certainly meant to do me honor, and get some money from me. I desired him to step down and give them two Louis; he found them already masters of the house and drinking my landlord’s rum. In a quarter of an hour, they went off to visit other streets, and continued their noise till daylight.”

No doubt the Frenchman’s next day was also eclipsed by rum. The Dutch had introduced a more civilized but equally drunken New Year’s Day tradition of open houses, in which city dwellers opened their doors to strangers and friends alike. New Year’s Day tables were laden with cherry bounce, coconut jumbles, rum-soaked doughnuts, honey cakes and fruit in white-wine jellies, and visitors could expect hot toddies, rum punches, eggnogs, peach cordials or sangria. Guests were expected to eat and drink at each stop, which led to great booziness.

At the time, these New Year’s traditions were just a small part of the rowdy American Christmas season, which retained its vaguely sinister European flavor. The two-week season had its abstemious detractors: Puritans railed against Christmastime as a pagan abomination and banned the holidays in their townships. Cotton Mather himself wrote disapprovingly: “”Feast of Christ’s Nativity is spent in Reveling, Dicing, Carding, Masking, and in all Licentious Liberty … by Mad Mirth, by long eating, by hard Drinking, by lewd Gaming, by rude Reveling… ”

Mather no doubt was equally horrified by New Year’s Eve, which always marked an apex of drunken revelry. This is true around the world and throughout time: Although the New Year is celebrated from June to January and from Tallahassee to Timbuktu, almost all cultures have used the passing of one year to the next as an excuse to really party. Take for instance the fine old Sumerian tradition wherein the king had public sex with the high priestess of Ishtar, symbolizing the conception of Ninkasi, the goddess of beer.

In ancient Mexico, the New Year was an exception to draconian Aztec laws. During the rest of the year, only specific sects were allowed to drink: You could hit the pulque (fermented agave pulp) if you were a nobleman, an extremely old person or a pregnant woman; for the young able-bodied commoner, drunkenness was punishable by death. An exception to this code was allowed every fourth New Year for Pilahuana, or “The Drunkenness of Children,” a festival in which godparents adorned young children with parrot down, pierced their ears, and accompanied them to watch their first human sacrifices. Afterward, everyone got wickedly drunk.

In Mexico today, people no longer go in for drunken kids and human sacrifice; a typical New Year’s Eve celebration consists of a late dinner with the family, followed by a midnight Champagne toast, amazing castillo fireworks and partying. Many families still practice the Spanish custom of eating a grape and making a wish for each chime of the countdown to the New Year. Other Mexican New Year’s superstitions include physically sweeping out the old year with a broom and wearing different-colored underwear to bring on various types of luck in the new year: white for good spiritual vibrations, red for luck in love.

The modern Mexican take on celebrating the passing of the old year and the coming of the new is representative of most countries’: a mix of superstitious ritual and heavy drinking. The Japanese say goodbye to the old year in December with “forget the year” drinking parties. The New Year’s holidays, or Oshogatsu, are more sedate family affairs that reflect the universal belief that actions during the first days of the New Year will influence the coming year: Debts are paid, disputes are settled, and houses are cleaned. Families gather to eat soba noodles for longevity and wealth and drink taruzake (sake aged in a cedar barrel) and toso, a medicinal sake that is supposed to ward of sickness in the new year. In accordance with an ancient imperial edict that the use of alcohol is prescribed by heaven, Chinese New Year traditions involve a similar mix of ceremonial drinking and eating. Food and alcohol are served to the spiritual guardians of the household, and parties toast with cognac.

In the United States, New Year’s Eve is the only night of the once bacchanalian winter season that still retains its hedonism, with the expected outcome of serious inebriation. When it comes to New Year’s Eve, Americans are short on superstitious traditions and long on drink. In modern America, New Year’s Eve is the drinking holiday (which is saying something when one considers the vast estuaries of beer consumed on the Fourth of July, St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo). But New Year’s Eve is special because it offers a certain carte blanche for stupid behavior. New Year’s Eve is the Las Vegas of American holidays.

Americans were not immune to the worldwide rise of Champagne in the 18th century. During the belle époque, holiday advertisements touted Champagne as the drink for celebrations. By the 20th century, a New Year’s toast was hardly complete without Champagne. Washington socialite Mrs. Evalyn Walsh McLean took things to the next level with her 1937 New Year’s Eve party, where guests consumed 480 quarts of Champagne.

Champagne was queen, but in true American fashion, ethnic enclaves added their own flavor to the party. A guest celebrating New Year’s Eve 1939 with Cuban friends recorded: “We spend several hours in a small café, eating Cuban sandwiches and mixing Cuba Libres with Ronrico and Coca-Cola. There is a jook-organ which offers a selection of eight records of Cuban music, and two records of American music. There are couples present who dance the rhumba again and again. Estrella and Pedro dance the rhumba also. Apparently they are both enjoying themselves.” If the guest had wandered a few buildings down, he might have found Austrians eating marzipan pigs and toasting with Feuerzangenbowle (aka “flaming fire tongs punch”). Scottish immigrants brought Dundee cake, black buns and Hogmanay punch (apple cider and whisky) to the table. African-Americans prepared lucky New Year’s Day dishes such as black-eyed peas and collard greens, but eventually fell prey to the Champagne dream. A 1983 issue of Black Enterprise magazine recommends pairing Champagne with soul food, stating: “Only Champagne can reign like royalty over gala affairs and celebrations. Only Champagne can take ritual holidays and refashion them into moments of pure joy.”

Although it’s debatable that Champagne is a necessary ingredient for moments of pure joy, one thing is certain: New Year’s Eve offers a rare excuse to engage in the sort of carousing that we once viewed as a significant and inalienable yuletide right. Drink hale!

Felisa Rogers studied history and nonfiction writing at the Evergreen State College and went on to teach writing to kids for five years. She lives in Oregon’s coast range, where she works as a freelance writer and editor.

Significa 1-5-12

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The Jinn
http://www.thejinn.net/

UFO, alien, poltergeist, demon, ascended master, space brother, monster, Watcher, nephilim, reptilian, Grey, Bigfoot, ghost....

We don't actually know a single thing about life on other planets. Scientific evidence that extraterrestrials visit us doesn't exist.

Our belief that they do is fantastic modern mythology in the making.

However, there is enormous evidence that deceptive entities are masquerading as extraterrestrials.

There are unseen creatures that we share this Earth with.

They don't come from other planets.
They've been called many names: aliens, spirits, Etherians, Ultraterrestrials, and more.

In the Koran they are called the Jinn.

Information about the Jinn reads like a textbook description of UFO and other paranormal phenomena.

Discovering these entities gives you an essential key to understanding paranormal phenomena.

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UFOs aren't extraterrestrial -- They're extradimensional.

*

Celente’s Trends Proven Accurate; What Will 2012 Bring?
Gerald Celente
Trends Research
December 16, 2011

“Wake-Up Call” Trend: The Decline of America trend is nowhere near bottom, and the worse is yet to come.

One year later: “Worse” has happened, as the country piles up more and more debt, politicians are gridlocked, paralyzed in some perpetual political traffic jam of inaction.

“Crack-Up 2011” Trend: Teetering economies will collapse, currency wars will ensue, trade barriers will be erected, economic unions will splinter...

One year later: The Sovereign debt crisis threatens both the European Union and Euro, currency wars are underway and the US and China are trading trade barbs.

“Crime Time” Trend: No job + no money + compounding debt = high stress, strained relations, short fuses. Hardship-driven crimes will be committed across the socioeconomic spectrum by legions of the on-the-edge desperate who will do whatever they must to keep a roof over their heads and put food on the table.

One year later: Thieves are stealing copper piping and cables, cooking oil and temple donation boxes; “Criminal recycling” is flourishing; in 2011 a record number of cyber crimes is reported to the FBI: more than 23,000 per month.

“Screw the People” Trend: As times get even tougher and people get even poorer, the “authorities” will intensify their efforts to extract the funds needed to meet fiscal obligations.

One year later: In the two-tier American justice system, the long arm of the law only reaches down to the low hanging fruit. Banks are slapped with slap on the wrist fines for billion dollar crimes, and like Jon Corzine, no crime time. But swift justice is readily dealt out for small time crimes. From closing down lemonade stands operating without a license to swat teams busting raw foods cooperatives, in America, Justice means “just us!”

“Students of the World Unite” Trend: “University degrees in hand yet out of work, in debt and with no prospects on the horizon, young adults and 20-somethings are mad as hell, and they’re not going to take it anymore.”

One year later: Occupy Wall Street is just one of the scores of worldwide student protest movements, some of which have proven powerful enough to bring down governments.

“Crackdown on Liberty” Trend: A national crusade to “Get Tough on Crime” will be waged against the citizenry. And just as in the “War on Terror,” where “suspected terrorists” are killed before proven guilty or jailed without trial, in the “War on Crime” everyone is a suspect until proven innocent.

One year later: TSA strip searches of little old ladies; Obama backs bill “authorizing indefinite military detention of U.S. citizens.”

“Journalism 2.0” Trend: With its unparalleled reach across borders and language barriers, “Journalism 2.0” has the potential to influence and educate citizens in a way that governments and corporate media moguls would never permit.

One year later: Aleksai Navalny, an imprisoned young Russian blogger/Twitterer with some 200,000 followers, is “credited with mobilizing a generation of young Russians through social media, a leap much like the one that spawned Occupy Wall Street and youth uprisings across Europe this year.”

“Cyberwars” Trend: The demonstrable effects of Cyberwar and its companion, Cybercrime, are already significant – and will come of age in 2011. Equally disruptive will be the harsh measures taken by global governments to control free access to the web, identify its users, and literally shut down computers that it considers a threat to national security.

One year later: Iran proudly displayed a sleek, white U.S. drone that was used for spying on Iranians; Iranians were able to capture what US military officials privately told Bloomberg was a Lockheed Martin RQ-170 by hacking into its security code; PayPal shuts off service to WikiLeaks.

Gerald Celente was spot on with his Top Trends 2011. No one else came even close. To get a heads up on “History before it happens,” you’ll want the Top Trends 2012.

*

Why the Smell of Cinnamon Makes You Spend Money
Retailers know how to manipulate all our senses — and that includes our olfactory ones
Martin Lindstrom
December 16, 2011
http://ideas.time.com/2011/12/16/why-the-smell-of-cinnamon-makes-you-spend-money

Lindstrom's latest book is Brandwashed: Tricks Companies Use to Manipulate Our Minds and Persuade Us to Buy.

Every December, you vow it’s not going to happen and yet, without fail, you return home from your Christmas shopping with far more than you intended. Do you ever wonder why? The answer might surprise you, because you’ve probably been seduced by something you can neither see nor hear.

It was a perfectly normal kind of day when I was first struck by that feeling of Christmas in the air, the one that links directly to childhood anticipation of the festive season. The odd thing was that it was early November, yet my need for tangible symbols of the festive season had bitten like a bug. I studiously hit the streets of my neighborhood in search of the perfect tree. I bought decorations and wrote Christmas cards, only to realize that Nov. 5 was a little early to be mailing them.

I was astounded by my behavior. After all, I’m a 41-year-old man who’s long since stopped believing in Santa Claus. So what was it that led me to this neat pile of cards ready to be mailed a good six weeks before Christmas? In my attempt to understand, I went over the details of the days leading up to my own personal Christmas frenzy, and I tracked the origins of it back to a brief window of time as I changed flights in the Zurich airport. I noticed the duty free shops were already full of the colors of Christmas. There was a ginormous tree topped by a gleaming star, surrounded by images of Santas and reindeer and sleighs. But surely it would take more than clichéd icons to turn me into a Christmas zombie?

Not having anything else to go on, I investigated further. Turns out I was on the right path, for the truth of the matter was to be found in the mechanisms behind the displays. To be more precise, carefully camouflaged tubes strategically placed amongst the tinsel and glitz were piping in the sumptuous smells of Christmas: a perfect mix of cinnamon and pine.

Although it seemed I’d gotten to the nub of the issue, I was still perplexed. I mean, can a tube dispensing cinnamon and pine really compel me to embrace the Christmas spirit way ahead of time? Surprisingly, yes. Dr. Gemma Calvert, who is an expert in modern brain imaging based in Oxford, England, discovered the remarkable ability smells have to reactivate childhood memories. She exposed a group of volunteers to cinnamon and then viewed their reactions, using an fMRI scanner. As they breathed in the sweet spicy scent, their brains fired up — including the region responsible for authentic emotional engagement. It seems cinnamon is one of the main ingredients associated, over time, with baking and cider-making rituals and can kick-start an emotional journey whenever it wafts our way.

So while it might seem as though retailers are concentrating on everything that delights your eyes and ears, they also might be surreptitiously enticing you to buy more through your nose. And they might not even be doing it in a sneaky manner. This season, Trader Joe’s, Publix, and other supermarkets are prominently displaying heavily-scented “cinnamon brooms” by the check out — large, smelly bunches of twigs to hang inside your home and anoint with cinnamon oil when their pungency starts to fade. At Bed, Bath and Beyond, Home Depot, and other big-box stores, cinnamon-scented pine cones for sale greet you as you walk in the door. Take these items home and you might even get the urge to rush out shopping again. Christmas is in the air — quite literally!

Lindstrom is a marketing consultant and the author of Brandwashed. The views expressed are his own.

*

Konformist Book Club

The World's Greatest Conspiracies
http://www.atomicbooks.com/index.php/worlds-greatest-conspiracies.html

$21.95

Too unsettling to be buried in the shadows for far too long, the Pandora’s Box of information unleashed in this completely updated and expanded expose proves you just can’t get away from Them. Hidden agendas, massive cover-ups, diabolically sinister plots—if you can handle it, the lowdown on the latest right-under-your-nose conspiracies is right here, including: - 9/11: Islamic terrorism...or inside job? - George W. Bush: The real powers behind the leader of the free world - Atlantis Rising: the deep and wide mythology of a “lost” civilization - Elvis: Still everywhere, with new King-size theories aplenty - Cuidad Juarez: Who—or what—is behind the unsolved serial killings of more than 90 women in this otherwise sleepy border town? - Dick “Darth” Cheney: Dr. Evil for the New Millennium? - And many others that will have you looking over your shoulder With the sordid truth finally leaking more and more into the nightly news, this provocative compilation is crucial reading for seeing beyond what They want you to believe. Whether you’re a cynic or completely certain, this walk on the wild side will convince you of one thing: You should be very, very nervous. “Fills a desperate need in this paranoid era.” —Wired magazine

Jonathan Vankin / John Whalen
Publisher Citadel Press
Page Count 844pp
Publication Date June 29, 2010
ISBN 978-0806528786

The Man Cave Book
Jeff Wilser

Kindle Price: $9.99 includes free wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet
Paperback $10.19

What separates the men from the boys? The Man Cave.

Boyhood Fort Vs. Man Cave

Who's allowed
Boyhood Fort: Not girls—they have cooties
Man Cave: Not women—they have authority

Primary materials used in construction
Boyhood Fort: Wood, stuff your mom doesn't want
Man Cave: Particleboard, stuff your wife doesn't want

Key activities inside
Boyhood Fort: Goofing around, avoiding responsibility
Man Cave: Goofing around, avoiding responsibility

Peak periods of use
Boyhood Fort: After school, weekends
Man Cave: After work, weekends

Slumber parties with buddies?
Boyhood Fort: Yes
Man Cave: No

Food and beverages consumed
Boyhood Fort: Soda and unhealthy snacks
Man Cave: Beer and unhealthy snacks

Spend the night inside?
Boyhood Fort: Not as a habit, but it's been known to happen
Man Cave: Not as a habit, but it's been known to happen

Money spent on space
Boyhood Fort: As little as possible
Man Cave: As much as possible

Is this a phase you will outgrow?
Boyhood Fort: Yes
Man Cave: No

The Man Cave Book is a tribute to great and glorious man spaces and the craftsmen behind them. Complete with instructions and insights into creating your own unique refuge and shrine to beer, sports, and everything else that's right with the world, this is an essential manual for any man cave enthusiast.

About the Author

A former USMC Reserves squad leader and the author of The Maxims of Manhood, Jeff Wilser is a regular columnist on dating, nightlife, and pop culture who has contributed to GQ, Esquire, Glamour, MTV, and VH1.

Format: Kindle Edition
File Size: 8251 KB
Print Length: 192 pages
Publisher: HarperCollins e-books; Original edition (April 19, 2011)
Sold by: HarperCollins Publishers
Language: English
ASIN: B004U73C1S
Text-to-Speech: Enabled

Amazon URL

Kindle Edition:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Man-Cave-Book-ebook/dp/B004U73C1S/thekonformist

Paperback:
http://www.amazon.com/Man-Cave-Book-Jeff-Wilser/dp/0062003925/thekonformist

*

Awesome Quotes

“You know, a one-term president with some balls who actually got stuff done would have been, in the long run of this country, much better.”
Matt Damon on Barack Obama

"The sound of five pretentious old guys joylessly grinding out sub-shoegaze drone and patting themselves on the back for being 'subversive.' It's more out of touch than a bunch of CEOs starting a drum circle at an Occupy rally and as sonically disastrous."
Entertainment Weekly, in naming the Lou Reed - Metallica collaboration Lulu the worst album of the year

*

YouTube Greatest Hits

Tiger Woods Amazing Miracle Shot:
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The Dark Crystal, Part 1 of 8
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All eight parts are available...


Bill Hicks: On Letterman (1993)
The Cut Set
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vf340K_Ed0o

In honor of what would be his 50th birthday on December 16th:

http://alchemicalarchives.blogspot.com/

Hicks constantly faced problems with censorship. In 1984, Hicks was invited to appear on Late Night with David Letterman for the first time. He had a joke that he used frequently in comedy clubs about how he caused a serious accident that left a classmate confined to a wheelchair. NBC had a policy that no handicapped jokes could be aired on the show, making his stand-up routine difficult to perform without mentioning words such as "wheelchair". Hicks was disappointed that the TV audience didn't get to experience the uncensored Bill Hicks that people saw in clubs.

On October 1, 1993, about five months before his death, Hicks was scheduled to appear on Late Show with David Letterman, his twelfth appearance on a Letterman late night show but his entire performance was removed from the broadcast — then the only occasion where a comedian's entire routine was cut after taping. Hicks' stand-up routine was removed from the show allegedly because Letterman and his producer were nervous about Hicks' anti-religious jokes. Hicks said he believed it was due to a pro-life commercial aired during a commercial break. Both the show's producers and CBS denied responsibility. Hicks expressed his feelings of betrayal in a letter to John Lahr of The New Yorker. Although Letterman later expressed regret at the way Hicks had been handled, Hicks did not appear on the show again. The full account of this incident was featured in a New Yorker profile by Lahr, which was later published as a chapter in Lahr's book, Light Fantastic.

Hicks' mother, Mary, appeared on the January 30, 2009, episode of Late Show. Letterman played the routine in its entirety. Letterman took full responsibility for the original censorship and apologized to Mrs. Hicks. Letterman also declared he did not know what he was thinking when he pulled the routine from the original show in 1993. Letterman said, "It says more about me as a guy than it says about Bill because there was absolutely nothing wrong with that."

*

Retropedia: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
http://www.retroland.com/santa-claus-conquers-the-martians

Earthlings have long held an affinity for the jolly bearded fellow in the red suit that hands out Christmas presents each year. Is it any wonder that other planets might just be a little jealous that we haven’t shared St. Nick with the rest of the galaxy? Well, that all changed in 1964, when the Martians took matters into their own hands in the campy sci-fi classic, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. It might not have given Citizen Kane a run for its money in terms of quality, but that hasn’t stopped numerous generations from gleefully embracing this one-of-a-kind B-movie that remains popular to this day.

The poor kids on Mars have a tough life, what with all of that forced educational programming that has left them little freedom to have fun. Luckily, they are allowed access to some good ol’ Earth television and, as a result, have become enamored by famed North Pole resident, Santa Claus. One particular set of Martian parents, Kimar and Momar (dad and mom, respectively) become aware of this trend, thanks to their kids Girmar and Bomar, and bring their children’s fascination with St. Nick to the attention of the all-knowing Martian, Chochem, who realizes the importance in letting the children of Mars have a little fun in their lives. To that end, he instructs the Martian leaders to head over to Earth and kidnap the famed Kris Kringle.

The idea is to have Santa set up shop on Mars and start churning out toys for the kids, but that doesn’t sit well with one particularly cantankerous alien named Voldar, who would rather see Santa killed, rather than corrupt their ancient culture. So when Santa arrives, along with two Earth children, Betty and Billy, Voldar starts plotting their demise. He immediately sends his henchmen, Shim and Stobo to sabotage the new toy factory so that it builds defective products. And when fellow Martian, the dimwitted Dropo, starts impersonating Santa around town and shows up at the toy factory, Voldar mistakes his identity for the real thing and kidnaps the faux Santa. Meanwhile, the real all-knowing Santa is a step ahead of the scheming and Voldar’s plans quickly unravel. But the big guy is too kind-hearted to leave the children of the planet sans Santa and he has a pretty good idea of who might make a suitable replacement for him on the planet.

While there may not be any huge box-office revenues to report or a list of Academy Award nominations, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is one of those films that is almost impossible not to like, despite its “B” status. And, although the film certainly didn’t boast an all-star cast, eagle-eyed viewers might notice that one of the Martian kids is actually a very young Pia Zadora.

Recent generations were re-introduced to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians as part of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 show on Comedy Central. The cast poked fun at (skewered) the film in their own inimitable way, leading it to become one of the most popular episodes, one that airs every holiday season. And, although rumors of a remake have persisted for years, it would appear that this classic film is safe from being re-invented as of this writing.


To view the movie:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2011/12/24/holiday-movie-santa-claus-conquers-the-martians

RawStory.com review:

There are b-movies and c-movies and then there’s this holiday confection, “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.” The title alone should tell you everything you need to know about how seriously this 1964 release takes itself. We file this one under “So bad, it’s good.” Actually, make that under “So bad, it’s AWESOME.”

Merry Christmas!

*

RIP

Christopher Hitchens, 1949–2011:
http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2011/12/In-Memoriam-Christopher-Hitchens-19492011

Vaclav Havel, Czech dissident, playwright, politician dead at 75:
http://edition.cnn.com/2011/12/18/world/europe/czech-republic-vaclav-havel-obit

Cheetah the Chimp, Johnny Weissmuller's sidekick in the Tarzan movies, at the age of 80, allegedly:
http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/nationnow/2011/12/cheetah-remembering-tarzans-hairy-sidekick.html

The Wilshire Grand Hotel in downtown Los Angeles:
http://www.latimes.com/business/la-fi-1223-wilshire-grand-20111223,0,2448939.story

NOT RIP: Jon Bon Jovi. Also, Taylor Lautner isn't gay...

The Best Christmas Gift Ever

On the morning after Christmas, my male cat Blueboy snuck outside while I was bringing in groceries.  He's an indoor cat, but I let him play outside a little for exercise and fresh air while I am nearby.  He didn't realize I wasn't there, and appears to have been confused where our apartment is.  I was so heartbroken that I became extremely depressed, and little Fluffer was very sad as well about the disappearance of her boyfriend.  For the first few days, I left food out for him in hopes of getting him back, and I believe I did see him once.  Then on January 1st and 2nd, I decided to take more extreme measures and camped out with tuna for him outside in hopes to get him back.  The good news is on January 2nd, the eighth day, he was found by neighbors & security and I was able to get him home.

Fortunately, it wasn't too cold this Xmas season, and my apartment is a gated complex and a large compound, so he had places to stay.  (Cats rarely travel more than 300 feet from their home base.)  I have bought a collar with a bell so I can hear him when he tries to sneak out again.  All I can say is the return of Blueboy is far and away the best Christmas gift I have received in my life.

Above is a photo of Blueboy I took, after he came out from hiding and sleeping for 20 hours.  He doesn't look too happy in the photo, but that's because I had to hold him in place for the photo.  He is actually very happy.  But happy or not, I wanted to show you his face, so you can see the face of the son I have fallen in love with.

Merry Xmas,

Robert



'Merry Christmas' Simply Does Not Apply to a Pagan or a Jew

Baby New Year and Father Time
Steve Provost
The Provocation
Friday, November 25, 2011
http://www.theprovocation.net/2011/11/merry-christmas-simply-does-not-apply.html

I, Marcus, was walking down the Appian Way one day just outside of Rome. The date? Just prior to midwinter. The year? Oh, about 1009 A.U.C. (For you barbarians out there, this stands for anno urbis conditae - we in the empire count our years from the founding of our great city.)

Like many of my countrymen, I was preparing to celebrate the Saturnalia, a weeklong feast in homage to Saturn, the father of our great god Jupiter. My children were particularly looking forward to the school holiday, and I had procured a few gifts for them, as is the tradition. Myself? I was more eager to gamble a bit, as the ban on such wagers is lifted during the holiday.

On my journey, I came upon a man I did not recognize. I greeted him with the customary, "Io, Saturnalia!" but he grew indignant with me and said he would not be sacrificing to Saturn this season. No, he would not be sacrificing at all, but rather he would be paying homage to the birth of his savior, whom he called Chrestus.

"So," I joked with him, "you have taken the Saturn out of Saturnalia?"

But he just scoffed at me and went on his way. I could not help but think to myself that it was his loss. This Chrestus of his seemed like something of a killjoy.

Fast forward to the year 2764 A.U.C. - today, that is. The annual debate over how to greet someone on the streets is in full swing once again, except now, the shoe is on the other foot (which makes foot-in-mouth syndrome a little more painful).

The followers of Chrestus are in the majority these days, and very few people celebrate the Saturnalia anymore. The only consolation for the poor, neglected Saturn is that his image - that of an aged man with a flowing white beard - lives on in the form of a jolly old "elf" by the name of Santa. Quite a comedown for the father of Jupiter, but I suppose it's better than nothing. At least he still has a day and a planet named after him.

Instead of joking about taking the Saturn out of Saturnalia, however, many Christians are grousing about others taking the Christ out of Christmas, as their holy day has come to be called. Some of them have even compiled a Naughty or Nice list of retailers who who don't (naughty) and do (nice) make liberal use of the term "Christmas" in their advertising and store displays. It's hard to overlook the irony that the very phrase "naughty or nice" is associated not with Christ but with Saturn ... er ... Santa.

It's also hard not to chuckle at the vehemence with which Protestants defend the term Christmas. If you do take the Christ out of Christmas, what's left? Mass, that's what. And Mass is a ritual that is exclusively Catholic. Its central feature is the Eucharist, which involves partaking of a wafer and wine that Catholics believe literally become the body and blood of Christ. Protestants generally don't believe this (they view the ceremony in symbolic, rather than literal terms). And the Catholic Church discourages other Christians from taking part in the rite.

U.S. bishops have issued the following guidelines for receiving the Eucharist: "Because Catholics believe that the celebration of the Eucharist is a sign of the reality of the oneness of faith, life, and worship, members of those churches with whom we are not yet fully united are ordinarily not admitted to Communion."

So Christmas - at least by that name - isn't a Protestant holiday at all. It's a Catholic one. It seems just a bit peculiar that Protestants, who have fought wars with Catholics over other seemingly trivial issues, should so readily accept - and so eagerly defend - a Catholic holy day! Shouldn't they call it "Christbirth" or some such?

The fact is, whether the name "Christ" or the word "Mass" is included in the name of the holiday doesn't really matter. Christians in other parts of the world get by just fine without referring to either Christ or the Mass at this particular season. For those who converse in Spanish, the typical greeting is "feliz Navidad," and the French wish one another a "joyeux Noel." The name of Christ isn't mentioned in either saying. In fact, noel comes from the Latin root natalis, which meant simply "birthday." Navidad, meanwhile, is related to the word "nativity," meaning "birth" - and stems from a related Latin root.

Whose birth? In modern parlance, the word nativity has come to be intimately identified with the birth of Christ. In the third century, however, a typical Roman using the word natalis at this time of year might have assumed you were talking about the god Mithra, who was also said to have been born on Dec. 25. Or perhaps Sol Invictus, the "invincible sun," which was at its weakest during the winter solstice and from that point forward began to grow stronger - or be reborn.

Enter Old Man Winter, who was known to the Romans as our friend Saturn and to the Greeks before them as Cronos - or "Father Time." Cronos was the father of Zeus, and his name literally meant "time."* It's preserved at the root of our modern words chronology and chronicles. To us, he's Santa Claus. Each year he gives way to the Baby New Year, who bears a remarkable similarity to Christ. That's why Santa and Christ belong together. It would be unseemly to greet a new solar year without saying a proper goodbye to the old.

But just how should we do so?

Different people celebrate this season in different ways. It all depends on one's perspective. And that's exactly the point - yes, I'm finally getting to it - of this article. Those who insist that "Merry Christmas" is the only proper greeting for this holiday wouldn't have enjoyed being on the other end of the stick back when the Saturnalia was all the rage. I'd wager they wouldn't have been particularly comfortable with all the "Io, Saturnalia!" greetings going around. In the same way, Jews, Muslims, Pagans, Hindus, Buddhists and others might not care too much about being wished a merry Christmas.

This is especially true for Jews and many Pagans, both of whom celebrate their own sacred days - Hanukkah and Yule, respectively - at this time of year.

The idea behind more general salutations such as "happy holidays" and "season's greetings" is respect. It's an admission that, hey, I don't know what holiday you happen to celebrate, but whatever it is, I hope it's a good one! How can someone complain about that? If you know someone else is a Pagan, wishing that person a merry Christmas can be an insult - it's a refusal to honor and recognize that person's right to celebrate the season as he/she pleases. The same goes for a Jew who wishes a Christian a happy Hanukkah.

If you think about it, it's absurd. It's like an American wishing everyone in Beijing a happy Fourth of July. It's like telling someone who doesn't like football to "enjoy the Super Bowl!" Or buying a litter box for someone who doesn't own a cat. Such salutations are superfluous at best, insulting at worst. So why should we think wishing a Jew "Merry Christmas" is any different?

When it comes right down to it, shouldn't our wishes be determined by the other person's tradition? Should we go around saying "Io, Saturnalia!" to Christians or "Happy Hanukkah" to Buddhists? Or wouldn't it be better to honor the traditions of others, just as we'd like them to honor ours? When it comes down to it, that's pretty much what the Golden Rule is all about. And that's something at least Christians should be able to live with.

* Editor's note: Cronos is traditionally depicted as carrying a scythe or sickle, much like the grim reaper. In Greek mythology, this referred to the fact that he had castrated his father in order to claim the throne of the gods. This probably explains why Santa carries around a bag of toys rather than a sickle. The moral of the story: Children shouldn't play with sharp objects.

Top 10 Destinations for Holiday Lights

From dazzling Disney displays to brilliant boat parades, these 10 destinations mark a spectacular start to the holiday season. Elissa Richard, Y! Travel
http://travel.yahoo.com/p-interests-40883953

The holidays are just around the corner, and there’s nothing like an electrifying display of holiday lights to charge you up for the season and zap you with that jolly-good Christmas cheer. Luckily for us, there’s no place in the world that does holiday lights quite like the good ol’ U.S. of A., and we’ve rounded up a merry mix of small towns and sprawling cities that do it best.

From East to West, from dazzling Disney displays to brilliant boat parades, sparkling city skylines to mesmerizing megawatt-lined drives, when these top 10 destinations for holiday lights flip the switch, they mark the spectacular start to the holiday season, guaranteeing spectators a sparkling dose of over-the-top holiday spirit.

1. New York City, NY

The Big Apple is known for doing things bigger, better, and brighter, and the holidays are no exception, what with the city’s wondrous window displays, holiday concerts and events, bustling holiday markets, ice-skating rinks, chestnut-roasting street vendors, and seemingly endless street-to-street stream of shining holiday lights.

While you can hardly turn the corner without glimpsing a generous glimmer, some illuminations are simply not to be missed: Start with Rockefeller Center’s iconic towering tree, set aglow with some 30,000 bulbs that glisten down upon the ice-skating rink, bugling lit-up angels, and wide-eyed tourists through early January (lit November 30; free; http://www.rockefellercenter.com/). Tree-lighting fixes (all free) abound – try the South Street Seaport (lit November 25; http://www.southstreetseaport.com/), Lincoln Center (lit November 28, http://www.winterseve.org/), Washington Square Park (lit December 7; http://www.washingtonsquarenyc.org/), Bryant Park (lit November 29; http://www.bryantpark.org/), or the Metropolitan Museum of Art (lit November 29; http://www.metmuseum.org/); or, catch the lighting of the world’s largest Chanukah menorah – at 32-feet high and 4,000 pounds – on the southeastern corner of Central Park on December 20. Other highlights include downtown’s wonderful Winter Garden, where 45-foot-tall palm trees are offset by 100,000 white lights (lit November 29–January 8; free; http://www.artsworldfinancialcenter.com/) and the dangling dozen of illuminated 14-foot stars at the Time Warner Center (now–January 3; free; http://www.shopsatcolumbuscircle.com/).

Look to the city’s outer boroughs, too, for unique takes on holiday lights: We especially like the ostentatiously decorated homes (expect larger-than-life motorized displays, inflatable decorations, and a gargantuan gaggle of glaring lights) in Brooklyn’s Italian-American neighborhood of Dyker Heights (free). Overwhelmed on where to start? Sign up for an organized tour: CitySights NY offers 2.5-hour “Lights of the Holidays” tours of Manhattan (runs November 28–December 30, except Christmas; $44 adults, $34 kids ages 5 to 11; http://www.citysightsny.com/), while A Slice of Brooklyn offers a Brooklyn-based “Christmas Lights and Cannoli Tour,” on select dates in December ($55 adults; $45 children under 12; http://www.asliceofbrooklyn.com/).

2. Newport Beach, CA

For more than a century, Newport Beach’s “Christmas Boat Parade” has delighted spectators with a “Christmas-sea” feeling all its own. A fine flotilla of some 200 vibrantly decorated vessels, from multimillion-dollar yachts right down to simple canoes, glides through Newport Harbor as holiday music and costumed carolers fill the air with melodious merrymaking. The brilliant boat parade (it’s the oldest one in the country) attracts close to a million viewers; it’s held nightly from December 14 through December 18 and lasts about 2.5 hours – show up on the closing night for a fireworks finale. Viewing areas for the beaming 14-mile boat route are on the public beaches and establishments bordering the Balboa Peninsula, the Fun Zone amusement area (where you can hear live commentary from Captain Mike Whitehead, the official voice of the parade), and Balboa Island.

What’s more, many harbor-front homeowners and businesses participate in the annual “Ring of Lights” contest, showcasing their own elaborate holiday displays, while providing a striking backdrop to the boat parade (free; www.christmasboatparade.com). Well worth a detour, the historic Mission Inn Hotel & Spa in Riverside (set less than 50 miles away) is the setting for an extravagant showing of more than 3.6 million holiday lights in its “Festival of Lights” event; expect 400-plus animated figures, live reindeer, and even snow machine-produced flurries – come on opening night for a fireworks display, to boot (November 25-January 8; free; http://www.festivaloflightsca.com/).

3. Walt Disney World

It’s the happiest place on earth, and come Christmastime, it might just be the brightest place on earth, to boot! The Orlando area’s Walt Disney World Resort makes a business of holiday lights magic, with its coup de grâce event, “The Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights,” unfolding at Hollywood Studios. The theme park is blanketed by a staggering 5 million bulbs that sync up with animated displays for choreographed interpretations of holiday tunes – not to mention the artificial snow flurries, 3-D effects, and colorful decorations that crop up around every bend.

The exhibit – which began as an Arkansas family’s home Christmas light display that had spiraled into a statewide attraction – was transported to the park in 1995 and Disneyfied to an almost unfathomable scale (now–January 7, closed December 8; standard park admission applies, $85 ages 10 and up, $79 ages 3 to 9, taxes additional). Tack on a visit to the Magic Kingdom, as well, where “Mickey’s Very Merry Christmas Party” delights with live entertainment, a jolly holiday parade anchored by Santa himself, snowfall on Main Street, a holiday-themed light show on the Cinderella Castle (which is already draped with some 100,000 snow-white lights), and a fireworks finale (select nights from now–December 18; day-of event admission ticket is $62.95 ages 10 and up, $57.95 ages 3 to 9, taxes additional).

One thing’s for certain: The old "'twas the night before Christmas" poem certainly doesn't apply here, because with all of these lights, it'd be impossible for a mouse (in this case, Mickey and Minnie both!) – or anybody else, for that matter – not to stir.

4. Denver, CO

If you can sneak in a Colorado ski vacation before the new year, don’t miss a stopover in Denver, decked out with downright dazzling light displays during their “Mile High Holiday” events. December 2 and 3 see the “9NEWS Parade of Lights” march from the festively illuminated City and County Building (the city’s largest lighting display, it’s lit November 25) through the downtown Denver area, featuring nearly a million shiny lights, a dozen twinkling floats, soaring balloons, marching bands, and more (free; http://www.denverparadeoflights.com/). Also pop by the Denver Botanic Gardens’ “Blossoms of Lights” exhibition, where more than a million colorful holiday lights are integrated into the gardens, and further enhanced by extras like glistening ice sculptures and a strolling choir (December 2–January 1; $9.50 adults, $6.50 kids ages 3 to 12; http://www.botanicgardens.org/). Meanwhile, the Denver Zoo’s “Zoo Lights” event invites visitors to embark on a holiday lights safari – its 38 acres are embellished with more than 150 animated animal sculptures (December 9–January 1; $9 adults, $5 kids ages 3 to 11; http://www.denverzoo.org/).

5. Chicago, IL

Chicago’s frosty winter weather, festive events, and glittering lights make it a hotbed for holiday spirit. The 20th annual “Magnificent Mile Lights Festival” is at the city’s celebratory epicenter, where more than a million lights on 200 trees flank the famous shopping strip, with hundreds of shop’s holiday window displays adding to the appeal.

Don’t miss stepping in to see Macy’s 45-feet-high Great Tree, whose lights remain up through March 1 (free; http://www.themagnificentmile.com/). Meanwhile, downtown’s sparkling Christmas tree in Daley Plaza has been prettifying this plaza for 98 years; a Santa’s workshop for the kids and German-style Christmas market ensure the square is positively brimming with holiday cheer (remains lit through January 8; free).

6. Branson, MO

Nestled in southwestern Missouri’s scenic Ozark Mountains, the city of Branson transforms into a veritable winter wonderland each holiday season, bursting at the seams with lavish light displays and dozens of Christmas spirit-infused shows and events. For the most gleeful glitz, head to the 1880s-style theme park Silver Dollar City, site of “An Old Time Christmas,” with an elaborate light-and-music show showcasing no fewer than 4 million radiant lights and 1,000 decorated Christmas trees. Highlights include the musically inclined 5-story Special Effects Christmas Tree, which, along with the surrounding square, beams with over a million lights that “dance” to select Christmas tunes; there’s also a holiday light parade with light-embellished musical floats that runs twice each evening (now–December 30, closed Christmas Eve and Christmas; park admission of $55 adults and $45 ages 4 to 11 applies; http://www.silverdollarcity.com/).

Shift gear for some yuletide cheer at the “Branson Area Festival of Lights Drive-Through,” a mile-long drive set aglow with some 175 luminous displays (now–January 2; $12 per vehicle; http://www.explorebranson.com/), or opt for the “Trail of Lights,” winding through a 160-acre historic homestead, complete with themed sections, holiday music, and more than 4 million colorful Christmas lights – don’t miss the “Santa’s-eye view” from the atop the 230-foot-high tower (now–January 2; $10 adults, $5 ages 4 to 16; http://www.trailoflights.com/).

7. McAdenville, NC

For nearly six decades, the little North Carolina town of McAdenville (with a population shy of 700) lures some 600,000 visitors to witness its transformation into what’s been dubbed “Christmas Town USA.” A high-spirited partnership between town residents and a local manufacturing company allows the hamlet to trim more than 375 fir trees (they outnumber the households!) with nearly a half-million red, green, and white holiday lights. The trees range in size from 6-footers adorned with 500 lights to 90-foot-high behemoths bedecked in some 5,000 radiant bulbs. Recorded Christmas carols broadcast from a local church add to the high-powered Christmas feel. This year’s event runs through December 26, kicking off with the official lighting ceremony at the town’s Legacy Park on December 1 (free; www.mcadenville-christmastown.com).

Tack on a visit to the “Holiday Lights at the Garden” at the Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden in nearby Belmont (just 5 miles away), where plants and trees are bedazzled with some half-million lights and are joined by a Christmas tree created by orchids, carriage rides, and more (November 25–December 31, closed Christmas; $12 adults, $6 children ages 4 to 12; http://www.dsbg.org/).

8. San Antonio, TX

San Antonio’s River Walk is always a hotbed of activity, but the holidays take it to new heights, particularly so in 2011, with the infusion of 20 times more Christmas lights (thanks to the city’s move to more energy-efficient LED lighting). You’ll find the bulk of the 1.8 million holiday lights garnishing nearly 200 trees (done up with 10,000 bulbs apiece) and on 20 holiday-hued bridges, all brightened up even further by carolers bellowing their tunes nightly from passing river barges (singers perform November 26– December 18). The festivities kick off on November 25 (and run through January 1), when the switch is flipped and the “Ford Holiday River Parade,” complete with an entourage of lit-up festooned floats, unfolds.

The quarter is also home to the luminous “Fiesta de las Luminarias” on select weekends (December 2–18), whereby some 6,000 luminarias (candle-lit paper lanterns) symbolically light the way for the Holy Family. Come by after December 3, and you’ll also get to ogle the “River of Lights” spectacle, featuring over 100 underwater lights and fiber optic-outfitted water features along the new Museum Reach section of the River Walk (free; http://www.thesanantonioriverwalk.com/). In conjunction with the amped-up display, the city is additionally holding its inaugural “Light Up Downtown Holiday Contest” in 2011, which has downtown business owners competing for the most creative holiday light displays – and your starry-eyed attention.

9. Virginia

Virginia is indeed for lovers – and holiday light lovers might just lead that pack! Coming together for one sparkling statewide spectacle, their “100 Miles of Lights” festival strings together illuminated extravaganzas between six cities (all set within a 100-mile span), including Richmond, Williamsburg, Newport News, Hampton, Norfolk, and Virginia Beach. Millions of holiday lights and family-friendly celebrations combine for this one-of-a-kind event, including Virginia Beach’s “McDonald's Holiday Lights at the Beach,” which refashions the boardwalk into a striking nautical- and holiday-themed light display, complete with a 40-foot-tall Christmas tree installed right on the beach – it’s the only time of year that vehicles can drive right on the boardwalk (now–January 1; $10 weekdays, $15 weekends per vehicle; http://www.beachstreetusa.com/).

On November 19, Norfolk’s “Grand Illumination Parade” unfolds, rolling out flashing floats, soaring balloons, marching bands, dancers, and a visit from Santa himself, all in celebration of the illumination of downtown Norfolk (lights stay up through January 1; free; www.downtownnorfolk.org/enjoy/hic). Another highlight is Newport News’ “Celebration in Lights,” an eye-catching, 2-mile, Yule-fueled drive past the forests, fields, and lakes of Newport News Regional Park, all beautified by more than 700,000 holiday lights and 200 illuminated displays (November 24–January 1; $10/vehicle; http://www.newport-news.org/).

10. Baltimore, MD

When it comes to Christmastime magic, it seems that “34th Streets” across the country are a bona fide breeding ground for just that. Just look to Baltimore’s Hampden neighborhood each holiday season, where for more than 60 years, a charming block of row houses on 34th street has been transformed into what’s been dubbed “Christmas Street” and the “Miracle on 34th Street.” Residents come together in a labor of love to bedeck their properties with a holiday hodgepodge of larger-than-life snow globes, flashing angels, musical trains, and blinking lights galore – a handful of the homes will even allow visitors inside to peek into their indoor Christmas wonderlands, as well (November 26–January 1; free; http://www.christmasstreet.com/).

Try and coordinate your visit with the colorful “Parade of Lighted Boats,” an event where more than 50 vessels festooned with holiday lights illustrate Baltimore’s nautical and Christmas spirit on December 3 (free; http://www.fpyc.net/). Plus, new for 2011, the harbor-front Power Plant building will shine with holiday lights, lasers, and 3D effects during early evening hourly show times (now–December 31; free; http://www.itsawaterfrontlife.org/).