29 March, 2011
Tiptoe-ing Through the Past, the Future … and All Points in-between
(Or ... Where is Irving Thalberg Now?)
Interview by Joan d’ Arc and Mark Westion (1994)
We met with Tiny Tim one Sunday afternoon at the bar in the Howard Johnson’s Motor Lodge in Warwick, Rhode Island for a chat and a few beers. Mister Tim is a sweet man who is polite to everyone he meets, always placing a Miss or Mister before their first name. He drinks Molson Ice with a straw and wears really cool sequined sneakers. And Mister Tim obviously had a good upbringing; apparently the women in his life did not. His first wife, Miss Vickie, whom he married on the Johnny Carson show in 1969, has now seen fit to sell the perverted version of her story for big bucks to a tabloid, The Star. Miss Vickie should get a life. His present wife, Miss Jan, should quit being a cheat and hand over her little black book to her lawfully wedded husband. And Mister Tim’s Eternal Princess, Miss Stephanie, should stop opening the door to everyone but him, and prepare to fly through the portals of Heaven and the New Earth with Tim and Tim alone.
Mr. Tim: Praise the Good Lord for giving me a sliver of the future; I believe everything comes from him, thank his blessings. This is an unbelievable world…the more I think of it, the more mysterious it gets! Last night, (and I’ll answer any questions you’ve got, if you’ve got all day so do I, because we may never have this time again. Everything that goes out is a document, whether it’s the Times, or college kids or high school juniors. Keep the word going. Years ago I went into the New York Public Library on 42nd Street and I was amazed at how many articles you could find, day by day, that nobody knows about, it would take a lifetime to read).
So anyway, last night on Channel 2, I saw a program called The MGM Years, all about the early film “talkies” and there was Irving Thalberg, director of Mutiny of the Bounty, a genius, taken away at the young age of 37, way before his time. I was in bed in the early morning, wondering where he was. You can’t talk to him any more! It’s like the old scripture “Dust thou art and to dust you shall return.” Now he’s gone! All the people—my parents, everyone—all floating specks of dust! There must be a great silence among the dead. I wonder about all these things; where is Irving Thalberg now? All I can do, all any of us can do, is to have blind faith. I can only go by the documents of history. I didn’t see Lincoln here, but the facts say he was here. I didn’t see Washington, I didn’t see Jesus Christ, but I believe he was here and he arose from the dead. I believe in the great Yahweh, God, Creator of Israel. Perhaps the Good Lord called him [Irving Thalberg] because he wanted some movies made up in heaven. We never know what’s going on.
Miss Joan: Have you ever seen a flying saucer?
Mr. Tim: No, I’ve never seen a flying saucer, although I wish I could, and perhaps the few who have are fortunate to see them. There are people who believe in reincarnation, and certainly everyone can have their opinion until proven right or wrong. However, there was one instance only that I talked with a woman in Florida in 1990, whose husband was a sheriff. She claimed she was abducted by a flying saucer at a shopping mall. I asked her how these beings looked and what she could remember about it and right away she blanked out. Her husband came in from outside about five minutes later and during that time she said nothing. People who actually have these experiences most of the time will be able to name names, places, times, facts and give some proof. But mostly it’s not possible (Miss Peggy, could you bring another round?)
Here’s another interesting story: In 1968, when I started to get “hot,” Shelly Winters invited me to her house. When I walked into her house, she started ranting and raving that she was responsible for President Kennedy’s death! Bobby Kennedy had just been shot, John Kennedy’s death had been years before, but she blamed herself. And I asked her, “When did you have this premonition that the President would die? Did you see the date, did you see who would do it, did you see the time and place?” I told her that if she didn’t see all these things, then she can’t blame herself.
Miss Joan: The President may not have listened to her warning anyway.
Mr. Tim: That’s a very good point. At least if she had the time and place down, they would have listened to her. When I left the house, she never spoke to me again. In all these phenomena—like the flying saucer mystery at Roswell, New Mexico—if the military is hiding things, these people all have dates, times, and it’s all been written down how everything at the crash site looked. So if it’s true that the Air Force is hiding things, these are exceptions to the rule.
Miss Joan: So you believe that there is a government cover-up of alien beings and flying saucers?
Mr. Tim: I would say yes. There is a government cover-up of something unusual, something that would shock mankind.
Miss Joan: Meaning it would affect our religions?
Mr. Tim: Now Miss Joan, that’s a great question! Not only would it affect all our religions, Catholics, Protestants, even Jews, but that opens up a can of worms, because the questions now are, “Did the Garden of Eden apply only to the Earth beings or to beings in the entire Universe? Does the banishment from the Garden of Eden apply only to Earth beings? How does this affect Mars, or Venus, or planets in another galaxy?”
Miss Joan: Yes, and do we share heaven with beings from other planets?
Mr. Tim: Or if they have a Hell, have they sinned, or does this only apply to the banishment from the Garden of Eden here? Remember God’s command: “Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” We don’t know what outer space holds and who is dominant. There might be some beings who have never heard of this particular great god Yahweh. They might have their own god in another galaxy, or it very well may be that Yahweh is the Creator of all of the galaxies. So yes, this would certainly change aspects of religious beliefs. You would, in the last days, there will be many things that will befuddle everyone. Where is our God, where is He? The last days could be today, or centuries from now.
Miss Joan: And if Jesus showed up in a spaceship would people be shocked?
Mr. Tim: They would be shocked, but does he have to walk on air? He may have chosen to ride. The great God Yahweh always keeps something from man; he surprises him all the time! There really is no religion that knows it all. But we’d like to think that we know it all.
Take for example, the film The Last Temptation of Christ. It’s 1988, a hot summer in New York City. I was barely paying the rent after my mother left. The Last Temptation of Christ was opening up to penalties of error and sin, at the Ziegfield Theater on 54th Street. I had nothing to do, it was hot in my hotel room. I did not, I repeat, I did not go down there for publicity! Something beckoned me to go to this opening. I took a cab and got off at Broadway and saw lines all the way down on both sides; on one side protestors against and on one side lined up to see the movie. I had to walk down the middle of the street, and everyone was pointing and saying there’s Tiny Tim! I did not want this publicity. The protestors were shouting that it was a sin to see this picture because it proclaims that Jesus Christ sinned.
Then the cameraman from ABC comes up and asks me if I believe it was a sin to see this picture. I said “that’s why I want to see the picture.” If Jesus Christ sinned with Mary Magdalene, that makes me believe more in him, because then he realizes that since he came from God and became as a man, he would truly realize the pain, the suffering, the loneliness and sexual desire, which is needed here in the heat of the day, in the afternoons of time. Would that make me believe less in him? On the contrary! And then I got in line to see the movie and I was booed by the other side.
When I saw the picture, it had made allowances for that before it started. It said that the picture is only the opinion of the writer. But here’s where I was shocked with the picture: it showed that Mary Magdalene was very beautiful, and that Jesus was in love with her and she didn’t want him to die, but as he was going on the cross, a beautiful little girl told him to come down, she said, “you’ve suffered enough.” So he came down from the cross and lived many years with Mary Magdalene. Judas, who had betrayed him, later said to him, ‘you know I betrayed you, who knows if it was meant to be or not, but look what you did, you sold yourself, you came down from the cross!’ Then he tells Jesus that the little girl was Satan; the devil appearing as an angel, a beautiful little girl!
I pray that Satan and his demon angels repent. Let’s say Satan is tired of this warfare and the great God gave him the ability to enter the Garden of Eden to take the challenge. Instead of being his robot, he lets him roam the world as a prince of evil; and let’s face it, he won the battle! Today we have a world gone wild. Who can stay together? Who can get to heaven? But Satan himself will be bound up by the Almighty. Suppose he said: “Jesus Christ says to forgive the enemy ten times over, I’m asking you to forgive me. Me and my demon angels were wrong to rebel against you; we were mighty but you were Almighty. I was jealous when you created man as lower than the angels, so deliver us, show us your example and deliver us from our insanity and schizophrenia, bring us back to sanity and home to heaven.”
So, you can see, instead of the second coming, it would be the second going, back to heaven! If the great Artist of the Universe allows this to happen, then no one goes to Hell and the Garden of Eden can be recreated, because of his mercy, with one exception: those who are born again will have the knowledge of good and evil and what happened before! Not saying that Satan will not try again. I thank God for giving me life, for giving me breath, and the ability to think.
Miss Joan: What about all the earthquakes and calamities going on right now. Is the end near?
Mr. Tim: It might be near, I believe, but we’ve thought this throughout the centuries. I feel something is coming, something from inner space perhaps, or from outer space, we will see them coming.
Mr. Mark: Do you think we’ll see this during our lifetime?
Mr. Tim: Yes. It’s no great wisdom, but I think about inner space and outer space. I had a strange dream one time: there were many different types of people. (I think there will be aliens who come to our rescue and aliens who do not). I saw a time when the Earth was captured by beings from another universe. These beings had taken over and were ruling the Earth. They looked like polar bears. They needed to eat human meat, and so in captivity they were feeding the earthlings enough to get fat and they were carting them off in cattle cars to go to slaughter. They would start out being secretive about it. Also I saw the young ones. I saw stores that were selling human legs, all shaved, and little kids were taken like young calves.
Miss Joan: You’re not alone in that theory, others believe we are being “farmed” by an alien species; first as slaves, now as a food source.
Mr. Mark: There are thousands who disappear every year, nobody knows where they go.
Mr. Tim: You can never stop thinking about how high the sky is. All these news items in the Sun, the Enquirer, the Examiner, could very well be subconscious revelations, like the early robots in comics who are now our computers, all subconscious revelations. The Good Lord gave to man to create for the future, but everything came with a struggle, the light bulb, the telephone…
(Miss Joan gives Tiny Tim a gift: A Schwa alien pin and an alien necklace made in Providence.)
Miss Joan: These will keep you safe from alien abductions.
Mr. Tim: Thank you. How beautiful. But I wouldn’t mind being abducted as long as they bring me back safe.
Miss Joan: Well, some of the things they do aren’t very nice.
Mr. Tim: Oh? What do they do?
Miss Joan: Well, sometimes they force you to have sex, maybe because they need our DNA.
Mr. Tim: Oh, that would be wonderful! (Oh, Miss Peggy, when you’re ready we’ll have another round). Now take President Clinton. Here is a man who, take a look at him now, a great guy with a charitable heart, a compassionate man, he loves fame, he loves glamour…
Miss Joan: He loves women too…
Mr. Tim: Yes, he does. Well, he has the care of the country, health care, the crime bill, and he’s thinking of making things better for people and yet he has the same things in common with John Kennedy, both loved women and both have to face the consequences of the Great Yahweh God who hates fornication and wants marriage to remain sacred. I pray for mercy for myself, that the God of Sexuality and Sensuality, who is prevalent in this world, no matter how good his intentions (thank you so much Miss Peggy, you’re wonderful); he committed adultery on his wife! If he gave her “the world,” the stain of deception is always there. He would have to really repent for her to forgive him.
Miss Joan: She forgave him on television. I saw her. She said “when you’re married ten minutes you’ll be forgiving someone.”
Mr. Tim: Well, who knows what went on with her and Vince Foster! If such is the case, if she remained faithful (I heard, well, some assumptions were made that something was going on) and after he and Jennifer Flowers, well you know, she’s not a bad looking girl! If I had met her in the sixties, but that’s a one-sided affair, it usually is anyway. But marriage is a sacred vow and it’s hard to live with someone who has broken that vow, believe me I know with Miss Vickie. And Miss Jan, boy this one takes the cake!
Mr. Mark: Is that your second wife?
Mr. Tim: Yeah. I haven’t seen her more than three times this year [October, 1994].
Miss Joan: A woman of the world?
Mr. Tim: She sure is. I’m trying to find that black address book she’s got! There’s something about being faithful. Now Miss Stephanie, did I tell you about her? I praise the Good Lord. Now, I had good parents, and great success at one time, you know the ups and downs. I praise the Good Lord for good health and to be able to see what I have, but with all that I pray to find the Eternal Princess. If I ever get to heaven, I pray that He will make me another Miss Stephanie, and this time give her the grace to love me as she can’t do now. I want to continually flow through the portals of Heaven or the New Earth with her alone.
Mr. Mark: Who is Miss Stephanie?
Mr. Tim: Stephanie Bohn (B-O-H-N). I met her in Texas in 1988; she was twenty years old then. I met her at the Club Donna through a booker who used to go with her, Big Bucks Brunette. I told her what I’m telling you now. She opens the door to everyone but me. But she is my eternal love. When I die I want to have on my tombstone: Here Lies Tiny Tim “God Grant Me in Death the Love You Denied Me in Life: Miss Stephanie.” Did you ever read the Unauthorized Biography of Tiny Tim?
Miss Joan: No, who wrote that?
Mr. Tim: It was out in 1976, written by Howard Stern. No, I mean Howard Stine. (Miss Peggy, another round!) In that book he writes something about me that’s very strange. Now, I don’t really like guys, but I’m sensual, or at least I was. But one time I had, not a homosexual affair, but I massaged this guy, he was 16 and I was about 22. There was a great attraction. I tried to get out of it for a long time. I can’t explain it to this day. I don’t like guys. If I did I’d let you know, but there was a strange sensuality there, and finally he got married in 1960 and I related this story in the book for this reason: you know, in this life you can be as straight as an arrow, but you never know who you are going to meet, man or woman, who is going to knock you off your feet! It can’t be explained. So many things just can’t be explained.
Miss Joan: Thank you, Tiny Tim.
All: Oh, Miss Peggy, another round!
This interview with Tiny Tim first appeared in Newspeak KataZzzine, Issue 1 (1994). Tiny Tim passed away in 1996. His official website www.tinytim.org contains discography, memorabilia, pictures, books and more. This interview was reprinted in Paranoia book volume in 2010 entitled Where is Irving Thalberg Now?