Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Article of the Month

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Article of the Month

From Uncle John's Unsinkable Bathroom Reader

POLITICAL ANIMALS

Think your elected representative is a turkey? You're not alone. From ancient to modern times, all kinds of critters have entered politics. And some have had been more popular than their human counterparts.

Incitatus

The brief reign of Roman emperor Caligula (37-41 A.D.) was marked by eccentric behavior (some historians call it insanity), some of which involved Incitatus, his prize stallion. Caligula was a passionate racing fan, and Incitatus was the fastest horse in the Roman Empire. Caligula came to believe that his horse was victorious because he possessed not only speed, but also a high intelligence. The Emperor provided a house, furniture, and servants for Incitatus so that the horse could meet and entertain dignitaries. Sitting at Incitatus's table, senators and nobles were forced to toast his health and respectfully speak to him about state business. Declared a full citizen of Rome, Incitatus was even given the title of Deputy High Priest. The horse got a hefty salary for "supervising" temples built in honor of the Emperor. The steed was even appointed senator, and he was in line for more high honors when real senators-tired of their emperor's horsing around-helped assassinate Caligula in 41 A.D. Most historians say that Caligula's appointment of a horse to public office was a sign of his progressive mental illness, but others believe Caligula was just humiliating his enemies in the Senate.

PIGASUS

During the 1968 presidential election, the United States was deeply divided over the war in Vietnam. That August thousands of antiwar activists gathered at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago to protest. Among them were members of the Youth International Party, or "Yippies." They bought a young boar at a local farm (folk singer Phil Ochs paid for it), named him Pigasus the Immortal, and made him their candidate for president. On August 23, with great media fanfare, Yippie leader Jerry Rubin stood in front of the Chicago Civic Center and announced Pigasus's candidacy. Along with the nomination, Rubin was about to announce the pig's first press conference, where (according to Rubin) Pigasus would not only answer reporter's questions but also demand a White House foreign policy briefing. But before Rubin could say anything, Chicago cops converged on the news conference and arrested him and his friends on charges of disorderly conduct and bringing livestock into the city. As for Pigasus, photos show policemen surrounding the captured candidate-right before they took him to the local humane society. (He was later adopted by members of the commune known as the Hog Farm.)

Cacareco

The saying that politicians need to be thick-skinned might explain why this female rhinoceros won Sao Paulo, Brazil's 1958 city council election in a landslide. With a population of well over three million, the city suffered from such problems as unpaved streets, open sewers, food shortages, and rampant inflation, but officials had ignored them for years. When the city council elections were held, local college students decided to run a protest campaign and picked Cacareco, who lived in the Sao Paulo Zoo, as their candidate. (Part of the attraction might have been that her name means "garbage" in Portuguese.) In all, 540 candidates-including many well-known incumbents-participated in the election, but voters were so eager to embarrass the failed city government that Cacareco won easily with a spectacular 100,000 votes. And even though the city hastily disqualified her from serving, Cacareco's win made news around the world. "Better a rhinoceros than an ass," a voter explained, and the quote made Time magazine. Cacareco's election left a legacy: Today in Brazil, a protest vote is still known as a voto Cacareco.

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THE BOTTOM LINE
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From Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Jingle Bell Christmas

Space-Age Santa

On December 25, 1968, Apollo 8 Astronauts James Lovell, Frank Borman, and William Anders emerged from the dark side of the moon. Here's Lovell's transmission with the mission control in Houston:

Lovell: . . . we have a bogey at 10 o'clock high.

Mission Control: Is that the booster or is that an actual sighting?

Lovell: We have several . . . actual sightings.

Mission Control: Estimated distance or size?

Lovell: We also have the booster in sight . . .

Lovell: Mission Control, please be informed, there is a Santa Claus.