Chocolate Poop and Gummy Boogers: The Top 10 Grossest Halloween Candies of 2010
October 18, 2010
Matt Schneiderman
Last October I named the Top 10 Grossest Halloween Candies, an assortment of the creepiest-looking trick-or-treat offerings I could find. But as with Apple gadgets and conical pizza, progress is inevitable; today there's a new generation of Gross. I filled my online shopping carts at Candywarhouse.com and other stores. Then I asked seven-year-old twins Ella and Liam Wilson of Brooklyn (sweets aficionados and neighbors of The Foodist's Andrew Knowlton) to rank and evaluate the grossness of each.
#10 Boogers. Green and brown gummy pellets of inconsistent shape, these guys are viscous enough to give a snacker pause. $2 for a 3.5-oz box; Box of Boogers; candywarehouse.com
Liam: "They look sort of like boogers, but they feel like gummy worms. Actually, they don't look gross--they look kind of good."
Ella: "You could trick a young kid with these."
#9 Decayed Hand. A candidate for the "too much gummy in a single serving" award, the assorted severed hands--zombie, skeleton, goblin--subtly promote cannibalism in way that's definitely gross. $2; Grave Grabbers; store.offbeattreats.com
Ella: "This looks like plastic, but the details are kind of cool."
Liam: "The ghoul hand looks more realistic than the skeleton hand."
#8 Test-Tube Body Parts. Colorful digits and other body parts (eyeballs, severed fingers, brains) are immersed in the bright candy syrup. $10 for 1 dozen; Test Tubes; Flix Candy
Liam: "The finger ones look kind of real."
Ella: "What are these floating in? The finger is creepy."
#7 Rat. That the consumption of an actual rat during Survivor's inaugural season 10 years ago is STILL one of TV's most memorable moments is a testimonial to the rodent's foulness. And though the red gummy version may not fool anyone, the life-sized black rats could elicit a scream if carefully positioned--say, for instance, filling a bath tub. $28.35 for 24; Gummi Pet Rats/Gummi Pet Tarantulas; jellybelly.com
Liam: "It looks realistic, but it would be more realistic if it had red eyes."
Ella: "You could trick someone into thinking you were biting the head off of a real rat--but if it were a real rat, I wouldn't want to eat it."
#6 Worms. Slimy, slithery, and brown, these realistic representations put regular gummy worms to shame. $5 for 31 worms; Realistic Gummy Earthworms; orientaltrading.com
Ella: "Ewwww."
Liam: "This looks more realistic than regular gummy worms. When you stretch it out and then let it go, it moves like a real earthworm. This could fool a fish. If you put it in the dirt and pull it out, someone might think it's real."
Ella: "And then I would wash it off and eat it."
#5 Blood Bag. This seriously creepy treat would be perfect for any True Blood-themed Halloween party. $29.70 for 9; Cherry Liquid Candy Blood Bags; candywarehouse.com
Ella: "Ugh, gross! It looks like real blood--it's red. How do you drink it?"
Liam: "This would gross my friends out."
Ella: "This would be perfect if I were a vampire for Halloween. But the bag says 'Candy Blood.' It would be better if it just said 'Blood.'"
#4 Barf Bag. A slimy concoction of sweet goop dotted with bits of gummy chunks. Just be sure to remind the kids not to have too much or you might have an ironic situation on your hands. $3.50 per dozen; Barf Bags; orientaltrading.com
Liam: "What is this, barf?"
Ella: "It has little, tiny pieces of food. It's sticky."
Liam: "The barf would be pretty realistic if it were just in your hand and not in the bag--or if it were on the floor, it could fool a lot of people. It looks cool when you squeeze it."
#3 Toilet. A welcome departure from gummy-based candies, these mini toys pair twin suckers (plungers) with flavored powder (bowl water) for a Fun-Dip-esque experience. $19.80 for 12; Sour Flush Candy Toilets; candywarehouse.com
Ella: "Cool! Oh, cool, there's powder in the bowl. And this [lollipop] is the plunger."
Liam: "Awesome. Open the toilet, close the toilet."
Ella: "[Swirling sucker in bowl] 'Plunge.' This is pretty messy, but... yum."
#2 Urine Sample. A visual joke lost on children, perhaps, but these cups are disturbingly close to the real thing. Seeing anyone gulp yellow liquid (supposedly lemonade-flavored) from one of these will result in a double- or spit-take. $10 for 5; Tower of Sour Liquid Candy Urine Samples; candywarehouse.com
Liam: "It's urine. I want to smell it. It smells pretty good."
Ella: "Ew, gross. [Reading] 'Formula Pee.' It looks like syrup--this isn't real pee."
#1 Poop. This treat is a step up from the Pay-Day-bar-in-the-swimming-pool gag of "Caddyshack" fame, and it's the tastiest treat of the bunch. Three variations--candy-corn-filled, undigested peanut-y, and "classic"--will pit your eyes against your nose. $5 each (4 oz.); Crapola Chocolate Poop; chocolatefantasies.com
Ella: "Poo! I would want to try the candy corn one.
Liam: "This one's like, 'I had too many nuts today.' It feels a little bit real, but it's not that squishy. [Eating a piece.] I never thought I'd try tasting stool. Yum."
Ella: [Sticks tongue out.]
All photos by Joanna Sciarrino
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