Colbert mocks 'crazy eyes' Beck with 'Doom Bunker' segment
David Edwards and Stephen C. Webster
Thursday March 5, 2009
It's the end of the world as we know it, maybe, according to Glenn Beck. But, at least one fake pundit feels fine cracking wise.
Among media pundits ripe for parody, Beck must seem an easy target, especially for a weathered comedian. After Beck once asked his audience to look into his eyes and see how serious he is, Colbert underwent an on-air anal exam to jokingly one-up the Fox editorialist, finding plenty of red comedic meat in his "crazy eyes."
Colbert's words then -- "Glenn climbed into his genius cannon and lit the fuse" -- hold especially true today, especially if you're a satirist.
Recently, Beck's recurring jibe on the coming Obama-fueled apocalypse was enough to scare a fellow Fox host under a table. The effects on Colbert, however, were slightly more hilarious.
Riffing on Beck's newest addition to his show -- a segment he's titled "The War Room," in which so-called experts discuss end-of-the-world scenarios -- Colbert examined Beck's first suggested endgame.
"It's the year 2014," said Beck. "All the US banks have been nationalized, Unemployment is at about 12 percent. DOW is trading at 2,800. The real estate market has collapsed."
"That," injected Colbert, "is the most terrifying future I have ever heard yanked out of someone's ass."
One of Beck's guests suggested that at this point, major cities will begin to "look like Calcutta." He specifically pointed to "people who are ignorant, functionally illiterate and whacked-out on drugs, hillbilly heroin and you name it, meth, go down the line, and they have nothing to lose."
In other words, he pre-blamed the "ignorant, illiterate, whacked-out hillbillies with nothing to lose," summarized Colbert. "Terrifying! But, more viewers for Fox News!"
To prepare for Beck's forecasts of turmoil and desperation, Colbert took it upon himself to introduce a new segment: Stephen Colbert's Doom Bunker.
"I am not saying that these things are going to happen," said Colbert, his on-screen graphics a pitch-perfect mockery of Beck's. (Except for the fornicating lions.) "I'm saying, they are going to happen, I think?"
As eerily post-apocalyptic stage smoke billowed across the set, Colbert pinged his guests with preposterous doomsday scenarios including werewolves and the discovery that all cars in America are actually Decepticons.