Thursday, April 29, 2010

Great Quotes: South Park, Part 3

General: What I am about to tell you is highly classified. Two days ago, Muslim terrorists hijacked our imagination. Frankly we don't know what their next move is or how to stop them.

Specialist: In times like these the government often turns to Hollywood for help. You creative filmmakers can think of idea we just can't.

General: That's why we've asked you here, M. Night Shyal-amalam. The Sixth Sense, Signs, The Village, all very clever films. But can you use your amazing idea brain now to help us stop the terrorists?

M. Night Shyalaman: What if... What if it turns out they aren't terrorists? But they're actually werewolves? From the future?
General: N, no. No, they're terrorists. They've been linked to Al Qaeda.

M. Night Shyalaman: But what if Al Qaeda, it turns out, is the group being terrorized? By aliens?

General: No- No. That's not an idea, that's a twist. We need ideas.

M. Night Shyalaman: How about we make everyone think that terrorists attacked us? But really, we were all already dead.

General: Get him out of here. [M. Night Shyalaman is hauled away, only to be replaced by...] Mr. Bay, can you think of any idea how to outwit these terrorists?

Michael Bay: I believe I can. We start... by making a big CG building and then we have a meteor go CROSSHH! and it, and it's all like CRAAWWWLL a-and motorcycles burst into flame while they jump over these helicopters, right?

General: No no! We need ideas how to stop the terrorists!

Michael Bay: An eighteen-wheeler spins out of control and it's all like BROSSHH! And then this huuuge tanker full of dyna-

General: Those aren't ideas, those are special effects!

Michael Bay: I... don't understand the difference.

General: I know you don't. Get him out of here! [next in the chair is Mel Gibson] Aaand being that we are all big Mel Gibson film fans, we thought maybe you could help us.

Mel Gibson: Ah, my nipples, they hurt! They hurt when I twist them!

General: Yes, uh, I don't suppose you have any creative ideas how to fight these terrorists?

Mel Gibson: How about this? You have that tape that the terrorists made, right? Well maybe if you did a background check on that videotape, you might find somebody who doesn't belong. Somebody who doesn't fit Imaginationland. Ohhh!

Specialist: Heyy... that's not a bad idea.

General: Yeah. Say what you will about Mel Gibson, but the sonofabitch knows story structure.

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