Saturday, February 19, 2011

Crunchberry Beast

February 2, 2011

Ah, there is nothing like the fresh taste of Crunchberries in season. With hints of strawberry and, of course, a crunchy exterior, it would almost seem you could live on the little pink fruit. And, in case you were wondering, there was a particular species of animal that thrived upon these berries for its daily nutritional needs – the Crunchberry Beast.

Inhabiting the fruit islands, the Crunchberry Beast (or C.B., as his friends call him) was a dimwitted but lovable creature who subsisted on a steady diet of the vitamin-fortified berries. The world might never have known he even existed had it not been for an expedition by the famed explorer, Capt. Horatio Magellan Crunch – who took the beast under his wing and aboard his ship, the S.S. Guppy.

C.B. was an odd looking creature. With his yellow skin, covered in large red dots, a bushy head of red hair and a pronounced overbite, it is difficult to ascertain exactly from which species he evolved. Not much for words, although he did manage a few noises that the Captain was apparently able to translate, his animations were all that were necessary to convey his thoughts. And his thoughts were always on Crunchberries.

The Crunchberry Beast first appeared on cereal boxes and in television ads in the early 70s. Jay Ward Productions, famous for Rocky and Bullwinkle (not to mention a plethora of other cartoon characters) created the beast, and veteran voice actor, Bill Scott (who you might remember as George (of the Jungle,) Bullwinkle and Dudley-Do-Right), gave the beast his quirky vocal chords. When Bill passed away in 1985, that was the last the world would see of the Crunchberry Beast.

To end on a positive note, we know that C.B. wasn’t the only one of these crunch-addicted critters; we once saw a whole island filled with them. And, with that, the possibility exists that another expedition may someday unearth another of these bucktoothed beasts. After all, these creatures have existed for this long, thanks to the complete dietary needs that the Crunchberry provides, so perhaps there is hope for a comeback.

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